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Jimmy Kimmel Needs Guests and I Need Exposure

By: Bobby Finstock on 01/16/08 @ 8:11 am

With the writers’ strike going on in Hollywood the late night television shows that returned to air without writers have been having trouble finding guests because actors are refusing to cross the picket lines. Now I have no moral qualms about crossing the picket lines because who the hell am I? It isn’t like any of these writers give a shit about me.   So I have decided to offer my services to Jimmy Kimmel.

Why Kimmel you ask? I find Leno horribly unfunny and while I love Conan I don’t have as much to talk about with him as I do Kimmel, but we will get a little more into that in a second.

So Jimmy here are my four reasons why I should be on your show.

1) I’m funny- Sure maybe this is a little egotistical but at some point I need to take some credit. While not all of the over 650 blogs I have written have been hilarious I have some sort of consistency.   Besides look at your guests, you have Rob and Big coming on from MTV which is just horrible. Every single episode of that show is the same, let the skinny white skater dude put his big black body guard in an uncomfortable situation, we get it. I’m much funnier and much more original than they are.

nicole richie jimmy kimmel

2) I’m good with the witty banter- I can make it seem like we are old friends and have really witty banter with you. It will be comfortable and will make for fun tv. Maybe I tease you about your jowls or give the members of your band some crap. If I am the second guest (which really should not be the case) I can give your first guest a hard time, like if you have Nicole Richie on I could bring out a sub and say that nobody is leaving until she eats the whole thing.

3) I won’t drop product references- Sure you see celebrities do it all the time, they will go out and mention how much they love Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. In return Kraft will give them a lifetime supply of Mac and Cheese or will pay them a little bit. You don’t have to worry about me trying to pull that off. Although I could mention the Moonlight Bunny Ranch a whole bunch of times, I wonder what that would get me? VD probably.

kimmel silverman4) We can talk about the time your girlfriend Sarah Sliverman eye fucked me in Doughboys- Sure maybe she was checking out the baby I was holding and smiling, but I am convinced that she was eye fucking me from the get go. She obviously like hairy dudes that are funny, well in your case maybe she just likes hairy dudes. I am sure we could have a lot of fun with this, maybe I come out and then she comes out and sits on my lap making out with me. Or maybe we do a backstage skit where I slap her on the ass and tell her that she is a bad girl and I have something that will make her all better. Whatever you want to do I am flexible.

So Jimmy have your people contact my people so we can set this up.

Are you watching any of the shows that have returned during the strike do you think they are worse or do you not notice a difference?

Filed in: Pop Culture

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

29 Responses to “Jimmy Kimmel Needs Guests and I Need Exposure”

  1. Matty says:

    I haven’t paid one bit of attention to any of that shit. I am still stuck on Family Guy re-runs.

    As for Kimmel, I say he’d be a fool not to have you on. And you can always drop the whole “do you know who I am” smack on him if he waffles on you.

    And I aint going anywhere until Nicole Richie eats half of that sub…only half is OK.

  2. Glenn says:

    When you’re all famous and such, don’t forget your ole blogging MyBuddy SteamGeek.

  3. Fiona says:

    I think you’ll find that harder then getting my 6 year old to eat okra…good luck, that’s goona be a looong show.

  4. scott says:

    Who has time to watch those shows, I’m online at that time with all the Myspace Ho’s!!

  5. Josh says:

    I’d kill to see you on there Kevin.
    I’m a big Jimmy Kimmel fan.

  6. em em says:

    I tried watching Jon Stewart on the first episode back and I changed the channel after like five minutes.

  7. Isha or Aiyisha, whatever the f*ck u wanna call me. says:

    It would be comedy gold if you got on Kimmel’s show. I’d actually stay up late enough to watch.

  8. Arjewtino says:

    She didn’t eyefuck you. She eyefucked me.

  9. Jess says:

    I think you’d rock Jimmy Kimmel. Do it!! As for this lame ass writer’s strike? I’m so over it.

  10. Trance says:

    I’m more for you taking OVER the show and then having ME as a guest. Let’s get right on that.

  11. That Guy says:

    I work in the hospitality industry, i dont have time for those shows. my ass is still at work when they come on, so i never really watch them.

    but i’m sure they’re worse now then they where before the strike.
    only reason kimmel was funny on the man show was because the old guy “fox” carried him.

    sure miss that old fucker.

  12. sir jorge says:

    you have my vote

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  14. You forgot to mention that you smell good, too.

    I’m not divulging how I know, either. I just do. :p

  15. Jinksy says:

    I tend to think you would make an excellent guest.
    Forcefeeding Nicole Richie, Angelina Jolie, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or any other super-skinny starlets woould make for excellent television.

    I also think that maybe booking you will become easier once a solution to the strike becomes more apparent.

  16. [...] Putdown – the 5 craziest girls i’ve ever dated Brahsome – A Ballsy Proposition Pointless Banter – Jimmy Kimmel Needs Guests and I Need Exposure Bright Black Internet – Funny Pic: She’s An Easy Lay on 205th – I am officially frightened of the [...]

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