Nintendo Wii is the Devil’s Tool
My vacation over Christmas was pretty enjoyable; it was nice to be outside and not have to worry about shoveling my car out of snow. Plus I got to spend some quality time with my nephew and his new favorite thing, his Nintendo Wii. I would also like to report that I am physically in the worst condition of my entire life. The Nintendo Wii operates like a physical torture device asking you to use muscle movements that you don’t use in any type of workout or in your daily routine.
I think I am one step away from traction. I’m a broken man. My elbow hurts. My wrists feel like I have masturbated for 17 consecutive hours and my eyes have a pain behind them that is a torture in itself. At this point in my life I think it is safe to say that I hate Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog, plus their “Olympic Games” is the most sadistic thing I have ever been a part of.
In my quest to destroy my nephew and teach him the valuable lesson that you can’t win every time, I have pushed myself to the brink of death. Sure while I might have beaten him in the 100 meter hurdles, he still has boundless energy to shoot me in the head with his nerf gun while I collapse into a heap on the couch soaking in a pool of my own blood, vomit, and urine.
To the sick bastards at Nintendo, I would like to extend my middle finger and tell you that your plan to take over the world is going well. I realize that the Nintendo gaming system is designed for children where the Playstation 3 and the X-box is designed for the unemployed, stoned, and people that have no social life. This so called children’s system is engineered for people that are hopped up on pixie stixs, sour patch kids, and other sugar loaded items that I really have no desire to consume.
By designing a system that caters to sugar loaded children you make it seem that adults can play and dominate these games. Instead what happens is we get sucked in and physically broken down. I think if I played 15 years in the NFL that I would be in better condition than playing a week of Wii. Once you have every person over the age of 18 becoming shells of their former selves you will strike and take over the world.
Well done Nintendo… well done.
What is the most evil children’s toy ever invented?
This is being cross posted at humor-blogs.com
So I guess that means the Wii isn’t all that fun?
It broke me
Well lets just say that I bought this little machine for myself. Seeing that I am facing yet another back surgery (low back: artificial disk & fusion below the a.d.) I decided that this would be THE coolest gadget I could own, making it even a tax deduction by me calling it my personal therapist post surgery.
Tshe he he. So I gotta thank Nintendo & I am certain I’ll be the only person in the USA able to claim it as a deduction.
For right now I am allowing my kids to play on it. And I find it sorta amusing to see my son watch his big sister play any of the games.
Why you wonder?
Well cause his arms make the same movements as she does.
Except for he doesn’t have a controller in his hand. He ducks, jumps, moves his arms wildly, and even says loudly: noooooo.
The way I see it is that both kids get the work out even though only one of them is playing (certain games).
And I get a chuckle on top of it!
Gaming time is restricted to the “three” kids (the two that are my own and of course then there is my guy that got for Xmas with my son together the really big Nerf gun, cause it “looked cool” & he made big bambi eyes at me while saying that he wanted one too.
Any woman knows her guy is just another kid in the house. The only difference is that he usually eats more & has bigger toys. All is cool by me.
So yah I have a good system in place. Once their time is up I get them their Nerf guns and send them outside. My daughter grabs my son’s bb gun to feel “equal” with them & I enjoy the quietude and peace in my house. Then again I also enjoy my uninterrupted game time that they don’t know I get while they are outside.
Pssssst
It all works out for every one
tss tss tss
Kiss Kiss
Trix
I dunno, I think any children’s toy which doubles as a musical instrument is the devil….
I don’t know, Kevin. Your theory is flawed. These things are the new craze around retirement homes and assisted-living facilities. Which subsequently means: no, it’s just you.
Lawn darts, Still have one stuck in my head.
It’s a bitch to explain at airports.
I have been considering getting my girls the Wii, I’m just already so tired of them bickering over computer games that I don’t think I’m ready for the noise level. As far as the most evil, probably Hungry Hungry Hippos. On noise factor alone.
i would have to say the sit n’ spin is the devil’s toy
Yeah, um, about that stoner comment concerning xbox owners… Rickey is proud of his 360 ownership.
Also, you haven’t experienced fun until you’ve played Mario Galaxy or Resident Evil 4 on the wii. Don’t write it off just yet. And for the record, Rickey is 28, gainfully employed, and currently enjoying a healthy relationship. You know, in the interests of full disclosure and whatnot…
The See N Say is the most evil toy – you can’t shut them up, and there’s only so many times you can hear “The cow goes moo” and the whole barnyard crew before you rip all your hair out. They used to make them with a pull-string and a pair of scissors easily solved THAT problem, but now they come with a lever instead of a string.
i can’t wait to buy myself the wii. i absolutely love them. the most evil children’s toy ever invented is the sit n spin. man that thing used to make me puke.
I want a Nintendo Wii!
Only 17 hours? I thought you were used to double that amount.
well that is only for the weekends.
LOL maybe I should get one for my kids….maybe they’ll tire out. My son needs a workout anyway, with all the damn food he eats. Kid always seems likes he’s hopped up on sugar anyway. Then they had that commercial for that Mario/Sonic olympic games thingy and they play the Final Countdown, which my son now sings very loudly around the house….yeah…thanks Nintendo…
I think Guitar Hero for the Wii is evil. I swear there is a delay on that game. I hit the cords (I practice my air guitar!), and yet still I somehow miss each key stroke. Or maybe I am just a horrible fake guitar player…
(As she practices tapping her fingers throughout the day: yellow, green, green, red, yellow, yellow, ….)
if you have an HD tv, there is a delay
Hmmmm, when my daughter was a toddler one of the relatives gave her some noisy musical toy that started randomly going off when no one was playing with it. That creeped the kids out because you could bang it around and it wouldn’t make a noise. Besides it being possessed, it was a horribly loud annoying toy. I think I made it a point to buy that persons kid a louder more annoying toy when their kids b-day came up….hah,hah!
We just got our kids Wii for Christmas… I was winded after trying the boxing…then the soreness set in the next day…ooohhhh
Furbies are pretty evil. mine used to sing the budweiser song… doo be dobe dooo
The Wii is your nephews weapon of revenge. How did you not see that?
you are so right
I have yet to tr the Wii, But I want to now, thanks to a friend of mine who told me you could get all the old Mario games for it lol Anyways, I look forward to the torture :-p My husband agrees with you though and thinks the Wii is the devils device..
i’m getting old, i can’t handle the wii’s controls, i don’t like them
Ha Ha…You’re suffering from Wii-induced injuries. Hurts so good…
i havent played that thing yet. a buddy of mine just got one so im sure this weekend ill be playing it while im drunk.
The wii is god’s idea of heaven. I love that little game system. I thought it would be totally lame but after I played it I am an addict. All I can think about is Rayman and those stupid little rabbits. but i know what you mean my arms and abs hurt so bad from playing.
I have wii elbow.
But you can download NES games on the Wii. Show your nephew what it meant to rock out on Metroid and Contra. That’ll show him.
Found you while exploring Humor Blogs, love this post. We have had a Wii for about 7 months now and our kids love the thing. It has pretty much replaced all TV watching. My husband loves it too, but it causes me great physical pain as well. Oh my gosh, I thought I might die after playing about 15 minutes worth of boxing the first day that we brought it home. But, I do have to say that it is pretty cool, especially if you are a parent. It erases a little of the guilt involved with letting your kids play video games all day. At least they are moving more than their thumbs.
Found you through humor blogs…
Three days after Christmas, I had a serious case of Wii Shoulder. Tennis, baseball and bowling did me in. I’m a bowler in real life (and throw a 15 lb ball, thank you very much), and real bowling does not hurt me like the Wii did. I recommend Guitar Hero…that one only gives you finger cramps, and they go away once you stop playing.
Oh, and Mario and Sonic and their stupid Olympics? The only thing on there that I can do well is the hammer throw. I can’t do anything that requires coordinating the nunchuk (sp?) and the controller together.
okay so my brother bought a wii and all i have to say is i feel ya on the wii-back/arm/shoulder thing! we all got it, except the 5 year old who loves the thing! i really wanted one thinking of all the fun but good grief its painful!! kids sleep good after a day of wii though, good times!!!