The 12 Days of Donkmas – Dope Hands

Day 9 – Dope-hands

I have a confession to make, and it’s long past time I made it.  I am one of the millions of Americans that suffers from a rare disorder, known as Dope-hands, that renders me unable to comprehend or do anything of a crafty nature.  Gluing, using scissors, bedazzling a shirt – those of us with Dope-hands may attempt all of these things, but the results will be hideously ugly.

This terrible affliction extends itself into the art of wrapping Christmas gifts.  My mind KNOWS what a wrapped Christmas gift is supposed to look like, and yet every time my hands attempt to execute the task, the result looks like a box of crayons took a dump.  Dope-hands may sound funny, but it is no laughing matter for those of us that suffer from it.  Imagine how we feel when we see all of those perfectly-wrapped gifts sitting next to our Frankenstein’s Monsters under the Christmas tree.  And it’s expensive as well – it usually takes those who suffer from Dope-hands at least an entire roll of wrapping paper to wrap something as small as a CD.

Uhhh, Merry Christmas?

Luckily, there is now hope for those of us with Dope-hands.  With the invention of the gift bag, we no longer have to feel like fools, but instead can feel like “one of the gang” again.  We simply put the gift in the bag, stuff some tissue paper into said bag (a task that only about 5% of Dope-hand cases are unable to perform) and bingo: we are once again an accepted member of society.  Thank you gift bag.  Thank you for giving me my life back.

Now, if I could only figure out how to cut in a straight line.