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Dec
21

Drunken Mistakes Volume 16: The Christmas Party Threesome

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/21/07 @ 7:24 am

So I leave this afternoon to return to California for the Christmas break. Just a quick programming note for all the people that read me from MySpace, over the next week I am not going to be linking to my posts on MySpace like I usually do. Sign up for the RSS feed up top or sign up via e-mail on the right hand side if you want to get updates. If not, you all know what time I post at this point just come to the page.

In a past drunken mistake blog I talked about my awkwardness and how I turned down a threesome on spring break because I was too dumb to know what they were talking about. At the end of the blog I dropped a reference that I things came together for me finally at a company Christmas party. This blog is that story and I guess my Christmas gift to you. (How this is a Christmas gift I have no idea.)

This story is basically a combination of happenstance, sheer luck, and being at the right place at the right time…. Oh and working with girls with a very casual moral attitude. As I have talked about before, I worked for Staples while in college. My co-workers were all young, mostly in college, and big time drinkers, so we always had a ton of fun together. One year our store won a lot of district contests and we ended up with a rather large amount of money to throw a pretty large Christmas party at a hotel. The party was being catered by a restaurant that was next to work where a few of my friends and I drank. We asked to get our favorite bartender assigned to it and pretty much selected the alcohol. The night before the party my friend Dennis and I were going to Boston to watch a hockey game, go out on the town, and then head back to Albany for the party the next day. The weekend was shaping up as something pretty sweet.

Around this time at work I had been hooking up with this girl named Loretta that I worked with. Loretta was going to college in the area and our seduction dance was stuff legends are made of. In fact I think it makes the ‘Notebook’ look heartless. We both would occasionally flirt with each other at work, but that wasn’t really significant as everyone there flirted with everyone else. I didn’t really think much of it until one night we were closing the store and stocking the shelves and had this deep and meaningful conversation.

Me: I can’t wait to get out of here.

Her: (out of nowhere) I was told I gave the best blow job in high school.

Me: What by the entire football team?

Her: No…

Me: Eh, every girl says that, most guys just give them compliments because they want more blow jobs. It really isn’t rocket science.

Her: Well why don’t you come over after work and find out?

Obviously it was my indepth criticism of how males compliment females that made her swoon, or maybe it was the football player joke. Anyways, we started hooking up occasionally after work. Here is a quick little side note about Loretta and how stable she was.

(Side Note: Loretta had a boyfriend that was going to school outside of the area while this was going on. At one point she told me she wanted to get serious with me and I pointed out that she already had a boyfriend so adding a second would be slightly redundant. She then got mad at me and slept with a guy that had to be at least 45 years old that we worked with out of spite and to make me jealous. It didn’t work, and a few weeks later she found out that she was pregnant by either the 45 year old guy or her boyfriend. She dropped out of school, left work and nobody has heard from her since…)

Back to the party, Dennis and I decided that we should each get a room at the hotel the party was at because we liked to drink… a lot. We figured it was a good way to avoid a DUI and allow us to drink up all the tasty alcohol we requested. We arrived to the party from Boston while they were setting up, our favorite bartender allowed us in and gave us a beer (or ten) as she set up the bar for the party. By the time the party started we were actually pretty soused.

As the party progressed I was drunk enough to dance, which means that I am probably four drinks away from blacking out completely. While on the dance floor I started flirting with another girl that I worked with who ended up being female roommate number 4 in my life. She had a boyfriend that was in school in Iowa, at this point in the night she was pretty tipsy and dancing with me. We headed back to the table that we all were sitting at through the dinner portion of the night and Loretta was already there along with a few other co-workers. Someone made a comment about the amount of alcohol that someone was drinking. I chimed in saying, “Thank god I got a room, I don’t even have to worry about it.” Loretta and future female roommate number 4 chimed in saying that they both were too drunk to drive and wanted to stay in my room. I informed them that I only had one bed and was not planning on sleeping on the floor. They both replied that it wouldn’t be a problem and everyone else at the table just oooh’d.

I was so drunk that I didn’t even catch on, I was just worried about getting a good nights sleep.

After the party ended we all ended up in my friend Dennis’s room for an after party where we were going to have a few more drinks. I headed to the bathroom and Loretta jumped up to follow behind me, grabbing me and kissing me once I entered the bathroom. Shortly there after the other girl walked into the bathroom stating that she didn’t want to be left out. At that point it finally registered in my head what was about to take place as we headed off to my room for the night.

I am not going to go into details past here because this isn’t penthouse forum. But I think the post script is important to talk about. The next day I had to work at like 10 or 11 am. I stumbled into work from the night before and was quickly called into the manager’s office. Apparently everyone at work knew this was going to go on or went on or they just figured it out. He wanted to talk to me to make sure that there wasn’t going to be any problems, and secondly how was it? What transpired is one of the most awkward conversations of my entire life as I got grilled by a 40 year old married man about what transpired with three of his employees the night before for close to half an hour in detail.

After I left the office I went out onto the floor where I ran into one of the girls from the night before, in what had to be the most awkward morning hello ever. The “wow I was drunk last night” line was used by us for the entire day. There there was the girl that worked in the copy center that had repeatability thrown herself at me. She was so pissed off at what happened the previous night that she scowled at me.

Finally after making it through the day at work future female roommate number 4 and I had a talk which led to us eventually dating for like two weeks. But apparently a relationship that started with a threesome is doomed to fail, I think I read that in a Dr. Phil book or something.

What was your favorite Holiday Party?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

28 Responses to “Drunken Mistakes Volume 16: The Christmas Party Threesome”

  1. Ben Dover says:

    That was a long sidenote. My drinking days are over after I got alcohol poisoning at a Frat party.

  2. David says:

    One more check mark for the “Things to do before I die” game.

  3. Isha says:

    You,Kevin, are my hero. Merry Christmas!

  4. Fiona says:

    You sure the baby wasn’t yours??

  5. Jessica says:

    That was the best Christmas story I have ever heard.
    I would kill to have two girls with me this year but alas, I am alone :(

  6. Madonna says:

    I’m not sure I would classify that as a drunken “mistake”… maybe a drunken “holy shit I hope I’m not too drunk to remember this tomorrow” or drunken “fun” or something like that.

  7. "April" says:

    Women don’t get to brag about this little feat like men do, so i’m using a pseudonym.

    I was living by myself in the city and me and some of the girls were out bar hopping.

    I had been making making eyes with this hot guy @ the other end of the bar for pretty much the whole night.

    We exchanged a few smiles, and a couple hours later, several drinks. (several= Many.)

    I could tell that things were going to “go there”. (let’s be real here. the women ALWAYS know before YOU do that it’s going to “go there”)

    So as the bar closed i waved goodbye to my friends, assured them that I was okay, and headed out the door to hoof it to my apartment.

    it is then he springs on me that his brother is with him from out of town, and doesn’t have anyplace to go. or something. (***this apparantly works on drunk girls, because WHY wouldn’t I just suggest he give his brother his keys and send him back to his place?)

    “oh okay, he can walk with us”

    i think i seriously thought that the brother was gonna stand outside my apt. or at the very least, watch. whatever.

    as soon as we got inside we started going at it with the kissing and whatnot… i had, at the time, a studio apartment. so it wasn’t like the brother was in the living room watching the tv while we were in the bedroom or anything.

    it was all the way live.

    so naturally, as drunk as i was, i didn’t really care that the brother joined in very quickly.

    i have to admit, this had always been a fantasy of mine.
    i’m not into man on man or anything. that grosses me out.
    but just the whole “being taken care of” by two guys seemed kind of cool. kind of an ego-trip, really. and it was good.

    as soon as it was done, they hit the road.

    THEN i freaked out.
    WHAT was i thinking? That cold have gone TOTALLY wrong!
    you could have gotten HURT! that guy probably wasn’t even his BROTHER! AAAAHHH!

    i never saw those guys again. i don’t even remember their names.

    ah booze.
    (*side note of my own. they BOTH wore condoms. i’m not THAT stupid.)

    • Liz says:

      women have fantasies like men, why not brag and you know you liked it!! women are led to believe it’s not ok to be curious and it’s ok for men to sow their wild oats. do you!

  8. Lisa says:

    Nice… if only more offices had hotel parties and flirting co-workers….

  9. punxxi says:

    don’t call those mistakes, they are ADVENTURES!!

  10. Matty says:

    This is why you are my hero Kevin. My parties consist of watching homely women sing karaoke while sipping warm draft Bud Light.

  11. lori says:

    man i sooo need to get a job! this stay at home mom thing isnt getting me any action like that dammit

  12. Beth says:

    Wow! Good times! I hope you have a great Holiday!
    Beth

  13. Karl Rove says:

    I know this is probably the least interesting part of the story for everyone else, but I’m left wondering what hockey teams were playing at that game in Boston.

  14. Mac G says:

    Details, Details, Details!

    I love the crazy chick getting knocked up.

  15. Cherie says:

    Wow. Talking to your manager must have sucked.

    That “day after” must have been one of the longest work days of your life.

  16. ABC Chick says:

    My favorite holiday party? A handsome chap I worked with kept smelling me whenever we ran into each other. I was wearing perfume for the first time around him and he really liked it. I was 25 at the time. He was 19. I was married so nothing even accidental happened, in fact, my husband was the one who benefited from all the flirting that night.

  17. King Steve says:

    It’s a Christmas miracle!

    This my friend, is a “Great Moment in Hook-up History!”

  18. I’d second the comment about relationships started with a threesome are doomed to fail.

    But the fun in the meantime sure is the stuff of great memories.

    Word!

  19. .45 says:

    Alcohol really is the best lubricant. Everyone should have some in their nightstand.

  20. Carolyn says:

    I have a fantastic threesome story too. But it happened a month before Christmas, so I guess it isn’t that relevant :P

  21. Duane says:

    It seems everyone has a threesome story, and the quality of the story is dependent on precisely when and where it happened.

    “Yeah, well, I have a threesome story, too! Yeah, it was people I work with. Yeah, it was on New Year’s. I made them both orgasm at exactly midnight! Go me! Thus began my resolution to eating more protein in 2008…”

  22. Chris in Canada says:

    I had to comeback and read this classic! I love this time of year and the wonderful holidays stories to share; Merry Christmas!

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