The 12 Days of Donkmas - People Sure Were Stupid

Day 8 - People Sure Were Stupid

So I was finishing my 8th vodka and tonic the other night and watching 1942’s Holiday Inn with Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire (decent flick by the way, and the source for the song White Christmas) when I saw something that blew my mind: A christmas tree covered in REAL candles.  Somehow I had forgotten that this was how Christmas trees used to be decorated.  It left me asking some important questions:

1) What genius thought of this tradition?

2) Why did my pops never try this?

2) How could people have possibly been so retarded?

3) Where can I get some for my tree?

Above: “Have a Holly, Jolly….oh Christ, my face is on fire!!”

In the same vein, here’s some other decorations you may want to put on your tree:

Razor Blades

Human Feces

Live Hand Grenades

Scorpions

The “Hunta” virus

George W. Bush masks

They don’t call me the bearded Martha Stewart for nothing.  Well, it could be because I’m a married gay man too I guess.  Enjoy!