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My Goals For 2008

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/13/07 @ 8:56 am

(Note: My first post for Double Viking is up: Lies that Cosmo Tells Women.)

I am not a big fan of new years resolutions, I covered my disdain for them before. Resolutions are usually things that people should already be doing: working out, eating right, not smoking, or not making yourself fall asleep by masturbating and crying. Goals though are different, this year for the first time ever I am going to write down some goals I want to accomplish in 2008 and track them, maybe even get Microsoft Project and establish benchmarks so I can print fancy charts.

Here are my goals for 2008:

1) To continue to work on my Masters Degree while never setting foot in the library- I think there would be something impressive about me finishing my Masters Degree without every setting foot in the library. I managed to write 5 research papers this semester and never once actually walk into the library. Now I don’t want to gloat but I feel like I have momentum on my side right now.


2) I want to bring the sexy back- I feel like Justin Timberlake had a whole year to do it and didn’t accomplish it, now I want my shot at it. Sure I haven’t figured out HOW exactly to do it but I am sure I will find a way.

3) Fart and Burb at the same time- I probably did this when I was a baby but that doesn’t count. As an adult I have never hit the daily double, I feel like I am missing out. Maybe it isn’t even physically possible, I mean I was belching all over the place yesterday but couldn’t pass gas. Possibly there is an exercise I can do to make this happen, maybe like keegals or something.

4) World Domination- Sure I need to get out of my cubicle first but that is just a small detail.

What are your goals for this year?

Filed in: My Life, Pop Culture

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

26 Responses to “My Goals For 2008”

  1. Amanda says:

    My goal would be to not completely screw up the child I am having in April…

  2. MySpace Text says:

    hmmmnnn, nice goals, push through it especially the masteral, go..go..go, push your luck!

  3. Fiona says:

    I set no goals, too much pressure….

    Annndddddd you can’t do keegals, you don’t have the right equipment.

  4. DR.B says:

    Bitch please!!

  5. King Steve says:

    You mean passing out and crying after I crank one out is a bad thing?….damn….

    Also, I think if you fart and burp at the same time you will shit your pants. There is no scientific proof of this, but, let’s just say someone we both know tried it…Not me…Ok me…Turtle heads were popping…

  6. Angela says:

    As a librarian, I’m interested to see how the degree turns out.

    On a different note….Dude, keep trying that burp/fart thing and you WILL shit your pants. I’m convinced of it.

    Good luck with both.

  7. Rae says:

    Hmm…does the no library thing convelutidly include bookstores? If not,you might just be able to do it man. Might just…

  8. kate says:

    my goal this year is to have fun, stop stressing out, and travel. all i need now is a better paying job or a sugar daddy….which ever comes first.

  9. Trice says:

    To get to 2009.

  10. Cigar smoking beer drinking lawyer says:

    I hate to tell you this, but I brought sexy back about june of last year AND got a law degree without ever setting foot in the law library except for the require legal studies class

  11. The EyE says:

    Great Site! Learned something new! Please review me at http://www.geibview.blogspot.com

  12. Diana says:

    ok first of all……i am so with you on the goals, I am working on 2 myself, lets see how that woks out for the both of us and 2nd…… i came close, hicupping and fating at the same time………..does that make me in the lead? and trully, how do you know that about me, because i pass out from playing with the little man on the boat, evey night now you have made me feel so ashamed :( ……..like its a bad thing……

  13. VE says:

    Last year I did: 1. Live forever 2. Achieve total consciousness 3. Have absolute power. I think I can safely say I’m still working successfully on all of them…

  14. Alicia says:

    Hmm, one of my goals would be to actually go into a library.

  15. carl says:

    1) eat right.
    2) smoke less.
    3) shit more.
    4) stop needlessly harassing squirrels.

    Yours are loftier … especially the burp/fart. I dont even try to set my sights that high. Though, on a hopeful note for you, I was perched delicately on the crapper yesterday when I sneezed/shat … The experience was both awkward and messy. Best of luck in ‘08!

  16. Ms. Pissy says:

    Bet you didn’t know that you are the type of guy I would not want to cuddle up with! EWWW! Good luck with Bringing Sexy Back! LOL*

  17. Theresa111 says:

    Great cartoon! Happy Holidays Kevin!

  18. Clay says:

    I’m going to stop going on so many homocidal rampages.

  19. JackFruit says:

    A friend of mine once scared me off the Burp/Fart idea by telling me if i did it i would die a horrible death as my intestines would rip in half and then the crap would fill my stomach eventually causing it to explode and kill me, i was 9, it was my Uncle.

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