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Bullshit Wannabe Psychology

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/4/07 @ 7:56 am

Recently I had to fill out a questionnaire for something that I am not allowed to discuss as of yet. One of the questions on it was:

“If you were stuck on an island what animal would you want as a companion? A horse, a lion, a sheep, or a peacock.”

Okay before you finish reading this go to the comments and leave which animal you would choose.

There actually may have been one more animal to choose from but those were the major ones. This was supposed to be one of those questions that reveal your true personality, each answer was a symbol for a personality trait.

The thing is I sat there for about five minutes thinking about that question. Not because I knew what type of question it was, because I did. But because I couldn’t wrap my head around how dumb of a question it was and then I thought about what happened if I was really stuck on an island.

First of all if you were stuck on an island would you really looking for an animal to be paling around with? It’s not like you are going to go cruise the bar scene with the peacock.


Hot girl: Oh my what do you have there?

Me: It’s my best friend, the peacock.

To ask what animal you want as a companion is just a dumb question.

When you look at it logically and break it down it almost makes your head explode. First of all if you thought about saying lion you should be shot. You are going to be stranded on an island with one of the most fierce killing machines on the globe and having the possibility of almost no food source, who do you think is going to win this battle? That lion is going to tear through you faster than a fat chick at the all you can eat salad bar at Ponderosa.

I could see sheep as an answer because you could eat it, but where are you going to store the food? That is just too much of a hassle.

A peacock… What does a peacock bring to the table? Nothing.

The horse makes all the logical sense in the world, you can get around the island, hunt from it, use it as labor to build shit and grow shit. Plus if you get bored you can put something in their mouth like they did with Mr. Ed so it looks like it is talking to you. All I see with the horse is upside.

So after talking this through in my head I knew that the horse was the only way to go.

After submitting the paperwork I filled out I was told what each animal meant:

horse- dependable, lion-aggressive, sheep- meek, peacock- egomaniac

I couldn’t get over the fact that this question was being used to evaluate my personality. From now on I am just going to not circle one and write in “Cockmonkey” for any type of question like that. Let’s see what the amateur psychologists come up with then.

Do you buy into any of these types of “tests”?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

79 Responses to “Bullshit Wannabe Psychology”

  1. says:

    I’d want a sheep so I can eat it.

  2. says:

    Dear Baby Jesus, please don’t let Kevin be making his Christmas gift-giving list from this post, Amen. *bows head*
    I’ll pick a horse, if I have to, I guess…
    Now for the bad news of going back to read why that makes me psychotic, although the voices say that won’t happen.

  3. says:

    I’d say a horse because you can use it for MANY things.

  4. says:

    A horse could be your way of transportation around the island to gather food and supplies.

    A lion would eat you alive or either protect you from other animals that would, depending on its nature.

    A sheeps fur could be used to keep you warm. That is if you could find something to shave it with or it could be used for food.

    A peacock is just ridiculous and serves no purpose other than it;s pretty.

  5. says:

    Big dirty sheep. Wait…does it come with mint jelly?

  6. says:

    Horse, ride it or eat it!!

  7. says:


    Warm wool and tasty meat.

    Not that I could actually kill a sheep, eat it and make a sweater, but in theory….

  8. says:

    Now that I read the meaning of the animals I have to say it’s crazy talk. I don’t think I have ever been described and probably never will be as “meek”. I can’t believe anyone would actually take a survey like that seriously and judge someones personality from it.

  9. says:

    I’ll take the cockmonkey. Does that mean I am a chronic masturbater in amateur psychology circles?

  10. says:

    Horse, so I could use it to get some work done.

  11. says:

    Okay what did I win?

  12. says:

    There’s not enough information to decide. What’s the climate of the island? If the island (such as Put in Bay in Ohio) has cold weather I would prefer the sheep so that I could harvest the wool to make clothes). However, it the weather stayed considerabley warmer-I would prefer the horse to allow for me to travel and help carry items needed from one side of the island to the other.

  13. says:

    Horse cause a horse can be used for many things, such as transportation, pulling things around the island and such.

    I hate those psychological tests though, it seems no matter what answer you give, you still seem kinda crazy.

  14. says:

    I think a horse would be the most useful animal.

  15. says:

    Catherine the Great of Russia REALLY liked horses… Just saying

  16. says:

    Wilson, the vollyball.

  17. says:

    I’d have thought most men would put sheep, cuz you know…they could have sex with it.

    And aren’t peacocks edible too?

  18. says:

    The Horse.

  19. says:

    ok then.. a horse… now im afraid to read what that means lol

  20. says:

    I pick the horse, but I don’t know why because I wouldn’t ride it.

  21. says:

    Don’t most people like horses? This test is too weird.

  22. says:

    I’d choose a horse. I think they would help you with lots of things, and they’d probably be the best companion.

  23. says:

    Where did this come from???? LMAO

  24. says:

    I want the one that is not there…dog.

    But if I have to, it would be the horse.

  25. says:

    What about “Pants Troll”? I have heard that he is somewhat of an animal. !

  26. says:

    A horse.
    I have two and I’ve had them my whole life.
    They’d be the most useful…

  27. says:

    I would LOVE a lion, but it would eventually eat me.

    And then, the peacock, but it wouldn’t do for much companionship. I would probably eat it.

    So, then A horse, because it would let me ride it, they have emotions and are good friends, and if ever I get VERY hungry, I hear horse meat is quite tasty.

  28. says:

    That is a bullshit test. I picked a sheep because it’s a useful, manageable animal, while I am a hungry/cold/busy-surviving guy. I want the sheep because IT IS meek, not because *I* am meek. Who the hell wants to share a desert island with a fuckin’ lion?! It’ll get hungry! A peacock is useless. And who wants to spend all day feeding a damn horse??? Fuck that test.

  29. says:

    You can’t bang a horse – they don’t go for that kind of shit. A peacock would explode if you tried. Only right answer: the sheep. You can also get a good grip on their wool.

    Um, from what I’m told. Yeah, that’s it.

  30. says:

    A horse is a horse of course of course, unless that horse is…

  31. says:

    None of above, I don’t want anything pooping all over my island that I have to share the little bit of food I can find with. And the question didn’t stipulate if this animal was wild or not. uh, no thank you. I’ll make my own Wilson, thank you very much.

  32. says:

    Well of course I believe in these tests. My husband and I wouldn’t have known how compatibly we could be without the eHarmony personality profiles.


  33. says:

    I pick a horse.

  34. says:

    i’d pick a horse.
    i could travel where i needed to be quicker, it could help me haul stuff, it would be a great companion, and also give me some recreation/exercise. and if the day came that he could no longer do these things, i could eat him.

  35. says:

    a lion… i’m a fatty, i need someone (er, um, something) to protect me. i do have a feeling i will come to regret this choice in a few short moments though.

    randy says a horse so he has something to ride when he gets tired, but i do believe he will live to regret his choice also.

    okay going to read on now…….

  36. says:

    okay so i do suppose i am the retarted one out of me & randy. i just wanted the lion to beat…or um, bite, some ass for me. i cant do it all my damn self! lol lol lol

    that test sucked. KILL IT!

  37. supernik says:


  38. daylin says:

    a horse!

  39. Kenny says:

    Lion.. At least you would have something to talk to.

    - A horse would just stand around all day.
    - A peacock is a dirty smelly bird that only other peacocks find attractive
    - A sheep is a brainless f00l.

  40. holz says:

    Well, the first animal screams lion — but we are on an island here and im sure food is scarce and lions eat alot, so next animal would be peacock, still awesome easier to hunt yu just peck at the ground. hhaaha i guess.

  41. holz says:

    wait wait.. lol i didn’t read the full question i thought it asked what i wanted to be long day at work.. I would want my companion to be either a horse or a lion still.. lol

  42. oribell says:

    i choose the sheep

  43. Geoff says:

    Sheep, of course, for meat and offal for food, skin for clothing or a water collector, the wool can be used to start a fire, and it’s easier to catch than a horse or lion but has more consumable mass than a peacock.

  44. Shane says:

    I’d get a sheep so I could shave it and have wool clothing.

  45. says:


    Why does everything have to be sexual with you?

    I like it. Just sayin.

  46. says:

    There is nothing sexual about a cock monkey

  47. says:

    logical answer

  48. says:

    I do want a pony

  49. says:

    I don’t know how I feel about the giant capitalized MANY sitting there… all I can think about is that video of a girl blowing a horse

  50. says:

    why you going to use it as lube?

  51. says:

    kind of like McDonalds

  52. says:

    Well since I couldn’t pick just one but I did however rule out the peacock… then does that mean that I am a meek, dependable yet aggressive sex machine that doesn’t have a huge ego. Cause if so then I am fine with that.

  53. says:

    I know, when they were talking about it to me after they were saying how good I answered… so they lost all credibility.

  54. says:

    at least knitting would give you a hobby

  55. says:

    was that ever in question?

  56. says:

    good answer

  57. says:

    But baby, you’re already hung like a horse, isn’t that enough for you?

  58. says:

    Only you would picture that *roll eyes*

    Now that I went back and read it…LOL

    Nah, I don’t put much stock into those tests.

  59. says:

    no if you can’t pick one that means you have multiple personalities

  60. says:

    a cock monkey

  61. says:

    wait but what about blowing the horse?

  62. says:

    sigh… I guess it will have to be

  63. says:

    dont lie to him… that’s just not right. you’re gonna get his ego going… all high & mighty, just to be brought back down sooner or later.

    so mean.

  64. says:

    I DO NOT have multiple personalities. I am crazy all the time.

  65. says:

    He’s still deployed.

  66. says:

    I’ll take it!

  67. says:

    Wasnt there a queen who used to do horses, that is what I thought of when I saw the MANY capitalized.

  68. says:

    Ok, the test results make sense, but they’re completely worthless, in my opinion. I’m sure 95% of people say horse and I don’t think 95% of the people that I know are dependable.

  69. says:

    Before you shoot me, i have this to say. It is your companion, so it should be friendly. I want it for protection from any other wild animal that might be there. Also, when it hunts and kills its prey, i can get some food too. duh

  70. says:

    Cockmonkey would probably make them go all Freudian on you and say that you want to fuck your mother. ;)

  71. says:

    That is a stupid test, btw…. it there anything meek about me?

  72. says:

    It was Cleopatra, who did the horses.

  73. says:

    In a shit hole town very near to where I live in Seattle a guy died when he was getting fucked by a horse. They were hoping to press charges…but only because the guy ‘in charge’ had been video taping it when pimping out his neighbors farm animals..but in Washington state beastiality wasn’t against the law then.

    There are so many things wrong with this story.

    here’s the link: http://www.news24.com/News24/World/News/0,,2-10-1462_1739698,00.html

    a quote from the article: “Unfortunately, these people were very diligent in filming their activities,” Sortland said of a viewing task detectives have found unpleasant.

  74. says:

    bareback is easier than one would think

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