The 12 Days of Donkmas – Fudge

Day 2 – Fudge

I love baked goods around the holidays.  It’s really half the fun, don’t you think?  When I was growing up we lived in a small culdesac, and one of the funnest things we did at Christmas was cook up a bunch of goodies and deliver them to all of our neighbors, who did the same for us.  My sister and I had so much fun sampling all of the different types of sweets that our neighbors had baked up.  Now the cookies, peanut brittle, candy canes etc. were just great, but my eyes would really light up whenever I saw my favorite: fudge.

Fudge: the OTHER food group

The creamy, buttery taste, the 500 grams of sugar per square, the way it melts in your mouth like a tab of ecstasy: I’m surprised fudge isn’t available by prescription only.  I inherited my addiction to fudge from my grandfather, who was a straight-up OG Pimp when it came to the sugary heaven-squares.  At Christmas time in particular, he had no self control and would gorge himself on pan after pan of delicious fudge.

I remember one Christmas Eve, and I am not making this up, when he finally, in a sense, OD’ed on the stuff.  As his face paled, he gently rested his thousandth fudge square on the table and walked in a dignified manner to the bathroom.  Horrible retching sounds were soon heard from within, as gramps reluctantly set his fudge free in torrents of projectile vomit.  Just a few minutes later, he quietly sat back down at the table, raised the fudge piece back to his lips, and continued eating.

While my addiction might not be THAT severe, it is bad enough that I’ve considered rehab several times.  If I’m not careful, I can go through an entire tray in one sitting.  I’m even looking into the possibility of shooting it directly into my veins for a quick rush…I just gotta find a syringe thick enough to fit nuts through.