Pointlessbanter.net

So I leave this afternoon to return to California for the Christmas break. Just a quick programming note for all the people that read me from MySpace, over the next week I am not going to be linking to my posts on MySpace like I usually do. Sign up for the RSS feed up top or sign up via e-mail on the right hand side if you want to get updates. If not, you all know what time I post at this point just come to the page.

In a past drunken mistake blog I talked about my awkwardness and how I turned down a threesome on spring break because I was too dumb to know what they were talking about. At the end of the blog I dropped a reference that I things came together for me finally at a company Christmas party. This blog is that story and I guess my Christmas gift to you. (How this is a Christmas gift I have no idea.)

This story is basically a combination of happenstance, sheer luck, and being at the right place at the right time…. Oh and working with girls with a very casual moral attitude. As I have talked about before, I worked for Staples while in college. My co-workers were all young, mostly in college, and big time drinkers, so we always had a ton of fun together. One year our store won a lot of district contests and we ended up with a rather large amount of money to throw a pretty large Christmas party at a hotel. The party was being catered by a restaurant that was next to work where a few of my friends and I drank. We asked to get our favorite bartender assigned to it and pretty much selected the alcohol. The night before the party my friend Dennis and I were going to Boston to watch a hockey game, go out on the town, and then head back to Albany for the party the next day. The weekend was shaping up as something pretty sweet.

Around this time at work I had been hooking up with this girl named Loretta that I worked with. Loretta was going to college in the area and our seduction dance was stuff legends are made of. In fact I think it makes the ‘Notebook’ look heartless. We both would occasionally flirt with each other at work, but that wasn’t really significant as everyone there flirted with everyone else. I didn’t really think much of it until one night we were closing the store and stocking the shelves and had this deep and meaningful conversation.

Me: I can’t wait to get out of here.

Her: (out of nowhere) I was told I gave the best blow job in high school.

Me: What by the entire football team?

Her: No…

Me: Eh, every girl says that, most guys just give them compliments because they want more blow jobs. It really isn’t rocket science.

Her: Well why don’t you come over after work and find out?

Obviously it was my indepth criticism of how males compliment females that made her swoon, or maybe it was the football player joke. Anyways, we started hooking up occasionally after work. Here is a quick little side note about Loretta and how stable she was.

(Side Note: Loretta had a boyfriend that was going to school outside of the area while this was going on. At one point she told me she wanted to get serious with me and I pointed out that she already had a boyfriend so adding a second would be slightly redundant. She then got mad at me and slept with a guy that had to be at least 45 years old that we worked with out of spite and to make me jealous. It didn’t work, and a few weeks later she found out that she was pregnant by either the 45 year old guy or her boyfriend. She dropped out of school, left work and nobody has heard from her since…)

Back to the party, Dennis and I decided that we should each get a room at the hotel the party was at because we liked to drink… a lot. We figured it was a good way to avoid a DUI and allow us to drink up all the tasty alcohol we requested. We arrived to the party from Boston while they were setting up, our favorite bartender allowed us in and gave us a beer (or ten) as she set up the bar for the party. By the time the party started we were actually pretty soused.

As the party progressed I was drunk enough to dance, which means that I am probably four drinks away from blacking out completely. While on the dance floor I started flirting with another girl that I worked with who ended up being female roommate number 4 in my life. She had a boyfriend that was in school in Iowa, at this point in the night she was pretty tipsy and dancing with me. We headed back to the table that we all were sitting at through the dinner portion of the night and Loretta was already there along with a few other co-workers. Someone made a comment about the amount of alcohol that someone was drinking. I chimed in saying, “Thank god I got a room, I don’t even have to worry about it.” Loretta and future female roommate number 4 chimed in saying that they both were too drunk to drive and wanted to stay in my room. I informed them that I only had one bed and was not planning on sleeping on the floor. They both replied that it wouldn’t be a problem and everyone else at the table just oooh’d.

I was so drunk that I didn’t even catch on, I was just worried about getting a good nights sleep.

After the party ended we all ended up in my friend Dennis’s room for an after party where we were going to have a few more drinks. I headed to the bathroom and Loretta jumped up to follow behind me, grabbing me and kissing me once I entered the bathroom. Shortly there after the other girl walked into the bathroom stating that she didn’t want to be left out. At that point it finally registered in my head what was about to take place as we headed off to my room for the night.

I am not going to go into details past here because this isn’t penthouse forum. But I think the post script is important to talk about. The next day I had to work at like 10 or 11 am. I stumbled into work from the night before and was quickly called into the manager’s office. Apparently everyone at work knew this was going to go on or went on or they just figured it out. He wanted to talk to me to make sure that there wasn’t going to be any problems, and secondly how was it? What transpired is one of the most awkward conversations of my entire life as I got grilled by a 40 year old married man about what transpired with three of his employees the night before for close to half an hour in detail.

After I left the office I went out onto the floor where I ran into one of the girls from the night before, in what had to be the most awkward morning hello ever. The “wow I was drunk last night” line was used by us for the entire day. There there was the girl that worked in the copy center that had repeatability thrown herself at me. She was so pissed off at what happened the previous night that she scowled at me.

Finally after making it through the day at work future female roommate number 4 and I had a talk which led to us eventually dating for like two weeks. But apparently a relationship that started with a threesome is doomed to fail, I think I read that in a Dr. Phil book or something.

What was your favorite Holiday Party?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com