I don’t pimp out a ton of blogs on here because I am a spiteful old bastard that doesn’t want to give anyone else credit. Occasionally though I do find a site that I genuinely like, thecdp.net is one of those. A blog that examines pop culture, geek culture, and is written in a personal tone that you can relate to. So I decided to ask Ryan, the author of thecdp.net, to be the first male to answer my hard hitting 5 questions. This was his response:
After realizing his fingers didn’t shoot magical bullets he relented.
1) You are first male to do the five questions segment. Basically, you are the first person I have asked questions to that I haven’t slept with or don’t masturbate to; how does that make you feel?
- While I’m flattered that I was able to break the long-standing gender barrier, I also think that an autographed 8×10 glossy and a late-night phone call will change your mind concerning those other issues. I never back down from a challenge, or a thinly-veiled gay joke.
2) TheCDP.net is one of my favorite blogs on the web, your pure knowledge of pop culture is unrivaled by most human beings. With that being said, what are your picks for best album, best tv show, and best movie of the year?
- First off, thanks for the kind words. To fulfill my portion of the ego stroke-fest, I must mention that Pointless Banter is one of only a few blogs that I frequent on a daily basis. Quite frankly, I don’t know why people even bother to read anything but our respective pages.
My pick for movie of the year is No Country For Old Men. In my opinion, the Cohen brothers need to be frozen and cloned for future generations. Order of the Phoenix was decent enough on the IMAX screen, but I was far too busy trying not to puke into my 3-D goggles to really pay close attention.
As far as music goes, I’ve heard some great albums this year by the likes of Arcade Fire, Architecture In Helsinki, Matt Pond PA, Minus The Bear, Streetlight Manifesto, Black Kids, Polysics and the Weakerthans. Also, Patton Oswalt’s Werewolves & Lollipops is the pants-peeingest album of the year. I can’t pick a clear-cut winner yet, but you just can’t go wrong with whatever Pitchfork shoves down my gaping, hipster maw.
(Note From Kevin: Fuck Patton Oswalt he has officially made the pointless banter enemies list. Just because of this.)
TV show of the year goes to Friday Night Lights and the last 16 episodes of Lost. If I could encourage people to buy themselves any DVD for Christmas, it would be the complete first season of Friday Night Lights. Brilliant in every sense of the word. If I could encourage them not to buy a DVD, it would be One Night In Ryan: The Unauthorized CDP Sex Tape. I never saw a cent in royalties; besides, the Authorized copy costs less and has a commentary track.
3) One of the best things about your blog is your weekly recaps of the show “Lost”, so um, in a paragraph can you sum up the entire series and make any sense of it? I still can’t figure out what the hell is going on.
- Sure, you got it. No problem.
Semi-deserted island. Shabba-doo whoppie wonk. Dharma Initiative. Squibbitty squabbly bonk toot. Oceanic Flight 815. Blah megoo flurven, blippy blip. The numbers are bad. Skickity skeet skeeep. Smoke monster. Meccaloon fweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee1111. Jack and Claire are related.
That should get you back on track. I’ll do anything to help a fellow fan.
4) As a scholar of pop culture I need your opinion on this. Out of all the geek arguments that are out there (ie “mac vs. pc” or “star wars vs. star trek”), what is the most pointless? And is there any one geek argument that could possibly have any attraction to any women in a bar… I’m going out this weekend.
- To me, the most pointless geek argument is the recent PC vs. Mac war. Listen, PC fans; it’s over. It’s been over for a long time. The iMac has owned you and your ancient machines with a capitol â€˜PWN.’ Destroyed you. Bent you over a sawhorse behind the garage and sodomized you until you were nothing but a quivering pile of tears and regret.
Either that, or Beakman’s World vs. Bill Nye The Science Guy.
If you want to attract a woman by launching into a geek argument with her, I’ve found that asking for her opinion on your attire always manages to start a conversation. Something like, “I need a woman’s opinion on this…do these khakis make me look like a pedophile?”
5) You recently did a national mix-tape trade exchange with the readers of your blog and started to review some of the cds that were sent. Give me a list of five songs that would make you disown anyone that put them on a cd for you, and the reasons why…
- I’m pretty passionate about my music, so forgive me if this gets a little negative. Actually, no. Don’t forgive me. Anyone who attempts to make me listen to any of the following tracks deserves to die, period.
A) We Built This City – Starship
This isn’t even funny in an ironic way. Anyone who even pretends to think this is anything but purely unlistenable and embarrassing needs to be removed from this Earth by the wrinkled and liver-spotted hands of some incurable disease. F this song. F it right in the A.
B) Absolutely Anything By Toby Keith
At this point in Toby’s career, I bet he prays out loud every night for another terrorist attack, so he can have a hit record again. If I ever, ever saw this rapist of good and decent music in person, you can rest assured that I’d risk a hefty prison sentence for the chance to stab him clean in the sack with a mint-flavored toothpick.
C) Epic, “Artistic Statement” Tracks That Run Longer Than 10 Minutes
Listen, it’s a mix-tape. This is your chance to prove to me that you have a respectable taste in popular and underground music, form, functionality, mood and theme. This is your chance to introduce me to new bands and allow me to form a quick opinion of them; perhaps even seek out their other works. This is not your chance to shove your indie cred up my chute by making me listen to the single most annoying, noodling and non-indicative track by a band. You just blew it, dude. Your mix sucks and so do you.
D) Battle Hymn Of The Republic – Julia Ward Howe (1862)
Because that would just be retarded and nonsensical, plain and simple.
E) Classic Cover Songs By Modern Bands
Any time I create a mix, I have a few basic rules that I follow. One of them is â€˜Absolutely no cover songs.’ New bands covering new songs out of appreciation is one thing, but new bands covering old songs strictly for novelty appeal is worthless for a mix-tape. Great for parties; terrible for turning someone onto new and original music. It’s merely a waste of a spot, in my opinion. Then again, I might just be a turd.
This is the section to plug your stuff:
- Rad. Well, theCDP.net is my home on the web, and it’s getting more popular by the picosecond. I also just released a book titled 65 Poor Life Decisions, which is a compilation of the best CDP essays from the last four years. It’s being released today, and you can buy it right here.
So there you have it, a little pimping for the theCDP…
So what are your favorite albums, tv shows, and movies of the year?