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Nov
20

My New Favorite CraigsList Hooker

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/20/07 @ 8:53 am

As I have clearly stated in the past, when I am having a bad day I go to the erotic services section of CraigsList.

Nothing cheers me up more than reading poorly written posts with horrible grammar with girls trying to round up some business. The Buffalo Hookers have been a disappointment, which I wrote about awhile back. But this weekend I found my new favorite person… EVER.

Let me introduce you to Monique. Her ad was titled: $100 for some afternoon fun.

“Stop in for a little afternoon delight! 5′6 – 44F All Natural”

fat_hooker

Does she really need to say all natural? Isn’t that kind of a given? It’s not like she got botox injected into her forehead, which would be a deal breaker.

After I choked down my vomit I couldn’t help but say, “You go girl!” All while snapping my fingers, shaking my head, and stomping my feet.. Hell if Monique can get some dude to pay her $100 bucks for her company more power to her.

I am sure there are guys out there that are into it. I can imagine some of the e-mails that she must get.

“I really would like you to sit on my face and suffocate me.”

“I love a whole lotta, lotta, lotta woman.”

Basically I think if you are a female, no matter what you look like, there is a guy that is willing to have sex with you. So this got me thinking, why not pick a random city and post some ads with different types of ladies to see what reaction we get?

First Up- Fiona the one legged hooker

one-legged-woman

Title: Ready for some nubbin-

Body: Incall only, because I have a little trouble getting around. Looking for upscale gentlemen ready for some fun. Safe, discreet, no text messages, private numbers, or law enforcement. $150 for an hour $250 if you want me to shove my nub up your ass.

So I am going to pick a couple of cities and post ads for Fiona… I thought about doing a girl with downs syndrome but I didn’t want to go to hell… Eh fuck it.

Next up Tori

downs_syndrome

Title: For a retardedly good time call me

Body: I like coloring, Toby Kieth, and Deal or No Deal. You want to get your pee pee near me it will cost you $100 or Mind of Mencia Season One on DVD.

I don’t care what any of you say, the Toby Keith joke was funny.

How many responses do I get for Fiona the one legged hooker?

This is going up at Humor-blogs.com

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

63 Responses to “My New Favorite CraigsList Hooker”

  1. says:

    Funny . . . very funny, but sad, very sad. However, as a woman I must agree that no matter what some of us look like there is a man somewhere that will take it.

  2. says:

    At least four hundred for Fiona. At least. And will Tori take season two instead?

    I think you should also post one for some chick named Holly Hairlip. She’s a winner, I tell ya.

  3. says:

    Heyyyyyyyy, you could have used a more flattering picture. Jackass. No more freebies for you.

  4. says:

    That’s freaking hilarious that there are hookers on craigs list.
    And yes you are going to hell for the downs syndrome girl.
    Too funny!

  5. says:

    Wrong on sooooo many levels but not you…THEM. And the sad part is, that somewhere out there, they’ll have takers / clients.

    (and I sincerely hope that you added Tori for the sake of “humor” and that she isn’t listed)

  6. says:

    Yep, that last one was a one way hell ticket for sure. Wasn’t Monique in Borat?

  7. says:

    jesus. When will women learn that 44F is NOT sexy when they look like flapjacks. I’d pay her $100 to close the robe.

  8. says:

    Hey man, hell will be warmer than rochester;-)

  9. says:

    100 for that… then i’m at least worth 100x that much lol

  10. says:

    haha. i laughed at fiona…. but that down syndrome one was too much, it was bad… and then i felt bad for laughing at fiona…

    haha…. in the end… i decided i’ll just just go to hell too.

  11. says:

    Your shit is constantley funny.

  12. says:

    Yep, your going to hell and I am driving there because I peed in my pants laughing at them so we can go together!

  13. says:

    haha, I wonder what’s listed in the city near me

  14. says:

    What the hell is coligine?

  15. says:

    San Antonio?

  16. says:

    omg kevin… you are too funny this morning.. too too wicked….and thats why i love ya

  17. says:

    Oh jebus. Monique looks like that character that one of the guys shacks up with in “Rescue Me.”

    Still there’s something to be said about that one legged chick. At least she can’t run away from you. Not fast anyway.

  18. says:

    yep… definitely goin to hell.

    But- at least you’re headed down there laughing your ass off!

  19. says:

    eeeek. i hate looking at nubs. they give me the frights. probably that one legged biker i dated. but i think i already told you about him. *shiver*

  20. says:

    That is some funny shiznit. I am all natural as well and just happened to have a stub fetish with a developmentally disabled

  21. says:

    Holy shit. Now that I got the tears out of my eyes I decided to see if there is such a thing as an “amputee fetish.” Well sure enough, there’s guys out there doing the knuckle shuffle to the piss pump while looking at this shit! No really, here’s the proof. http://www.deviantdesires.com/kink/amputee/amputee.html

  22. says:

    A buck twenty six, at least as far as you.

    And this is oh so cruel, yet I find it quite humourous to make fun of fat people n such so I LOVE IT!

    You have made no mistake woman no matter how awful they look can get some chum to lay the pipe. I think it has something to do with a mans ability to imagine a hot chick rather than the buffalo they are tappin.

    Keep up the good work, and I look forward to seeing if these decoys do. I hope you are going to somehow get pics of the lover boys that respond to these so we can judge and laugh at them ;-)

  23. says:

    yup, your totally going to hell!

    see ya there.

  24. says:

    Isn’t Mencia considered scat fetish? Any season?

  25. says:

    A whole extra hundo to stick her nub up their ass? She’s not playin’ around. lol Too funny, but too awful. Does it mean I’ll go to hell too if I wasn’t offended? :D

  26. says:

    “All natural”????? Who woulda thunk?

  27. says:

    Too fun. Thank God for Hard-Up men or I’d have nobody to Sleep with. lol

  28. says:

    Okay I laughed.. till I couldn’t laugh no more, oh wait I’m still laughing. Me and a friend of mine used to go to this one website, i can’t recall what it was, BUT it was for you to rate how ugly one person was. Well we used to steal pics off of there and send them to guys who we would “cyber sex” with, or who ever would ask for a pic of us…LOL ahhh the good days.

  29. says:

    I want to see some of the hate mail this spawns. Personally, I though this was hilarious. I think that follow ups are in order.

  30. says:

    I was only a bit amused until Tori charged extra for shoving her nub in the ass… now that’s a quality ad!

  31. says:

    Despite that this is hysterically funny, it definitely hoans in on the reality, different strokes for different folks….hmmm, then again, i don’t think that, that is necessarily a bad thing…

  32. says:

    i have a sneaking suspicion that fiona gets a lot of clients

    what a niche!

  33. says:

    My admission is that I dated an amputee very recently. My brother was completely disgusted by it but I didn’t care…the dude had both knees!

    It’s not like I didn’t make pirate jokes to him, or call him when I watched the chic on Duece Bigalow hop to the bathroom and tell him that it reminded me of him….

    This was hilaroius!

  34. says:

    Yeah you’re going to hell, but we all are and I would rather go out laughin my ass off at your stuff than to be shot

  35. says:

    I’m READY for some of that good nubbin. lmao…too funny.

  36. says:

    I hate Toby Keith….love this one, too, keep it up!

  37. says:

    If these hookers offer coupon books then my christmas
    shopping will be done

  38. Kali says:

    I like her robe.

  39. Chappoh says:

    I have studied the pic of Monique in some detail now – that’ll do for a while, the ache in my crotch is becoming too severe.

  40. says:

    Wait what was funny and what was sad?

  41. says:

    Hair lips are always good

  42. says:

    Where else will I get my nubbin?

  43. says:

    No the last two are creations.

  44. says:

    Well I guess I already figured that.

  45. says:

    They do look the same

  46. says:

    Go see Captian Hook for all I care…. geez.

  47. says:

    He does have softer lips

  48. says:

    hell really isn’t that bad from what I read

  49. says:

    I think I am worth a buck twenty five

  50. says:

    Good point…

  51. says:

    Sure it can be a date.

  52. says:

    Fiona the one legged hooker will be

  53. says:

    I would consider upping that to $200

  54. says:

    I suppose I could make an exception and send you a job application…

  55. says:

    I’d love to take you for a buck twenty five ;)

  56. says:

    haha i had forgot to hit reply

  57. says:

    and you always did like hairy nipples….

  58. says:

    fuck I should just change it to botox

  59. says:

    Like you had to “search” for that.

  60. says:

    Did you know this existed? I’m completely blown away. What’s next people taking craps in other people mouths? Oh shit, you covered that a month ago.

  61. says:

    Oh lord, for THAT thought (about fiona not running away) you are going to hell faster than Kevin already is.

  62. says:

    oh by the way, that Fiona looks like the chick that left CSI. The one who played Sara Sidle.

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