The Thong Myth

One of my favorite myths that women perpetuate amongst themselves is that they wear thongs because they don’t like “pantylines.”  Sorry ladies, but I call bullshit in the extreme.  And I have the facts on my side:

1) First and foremost, I’ve got news for you (as if you don’t know this already): wearing a thong does not get rid of your pantylines.  All it does is create a much sexier pantyline that leaves men’s eyes popping out of their heads.  You see ladies, men aren’t stupid; we look for and find the outline of that little triangle of fabric at the top of your asscrack when you’re wearing slacks, a dress, whatever the case may be.  We are the ass MASTERS, and we will identify and ogle any pantyline we find, and that goes double for a thong.

2) You know, and us guys know, that the sweet, sweet triangle of your dainty thong, and perhaps even the waistband, are going to subtly poke up from under your pants every so often, coaxing dudes towards your buttocks like an index finger.  If you were really “embarrassed” by those evil pantylines, wouldn’t the full exposure of your underwear embarrass you even more?

3) The comfort factor.  Maybe I’m naive, but why on earth would someone resign themselves to having some floss up their ass all day in the name of not having underwear lines?  Sorry, I’m not buying it.

Now that I’ve laid out the devastating facts, can we please just all admit that you wear them because they make you feel sexy as hell, and because stiff penises are attracted to them like a divining rod to water?  The prosecution rests its case.