Screw You Cosmetic Surgery
No this isn’t a blog about Kayne West’s mom, even I have some sort of respect for the dead. Or I just can’t think about anything that is funny about it…. yet.
This blog is about something that has really started to piss me off. Lately when I have been watching the news on tv or reading the news online I have seen a lot of stories like this: 2-year-old conjoined twins separated. For some people it pulls on their heart strings, well for me it makes me want to throw my couch out the window. Why you ask?
All this surgery is robbing me of quality freak shows.
Where the hell are we going to get our two headed ladies from if these surgeries continue to go on? I don’t want to see some special effects bullshit or CGI magic, I want the real deal. It seems like every other day there is an article posted about a special surgery that has gone on so that these people can lead a “normal” life. Who the hell wants a normal life?
Do you think Lakshmi Tatma is going to be happy that she only has four limbs instead of eight when she is working in some shitty call center? No she is going to be pissed at her parents, she could have been something special. Instead she is going to be working the overnight shift for some company doing dsl support and pissing me off when I call up. That is NO WAY to go through life. She should be rolling into town in a cage on the caboose of a train scaring the ever living crap out of village children.
Now who is going to scare the ever living crap out of these kids? Is it you Dr. Gary Hartman, the man providing some of these surgeries?
I think not. Receding hairlines do not make a freak show.
Last year I wrote about the guy with two penes and how he wanted one removed, the thought of which still upsets me. When you are given a gift such as an extra limb, a ridiculous amount of body hair, webbed feet, or are born to look like a bat boy why fight nature when you can embrace this gift?
So I think we need to band together and fight this, I have started a petition online to ask doctors to stop performing these surgeries.
Also I am asking you to spread the word on this. I have made a banner you can put on your webpage or in your blog today to share with the masses.
You can get the code here:
We can’t sit here and let freak shows go the way of donkey shows…. wait they still go on? And if you don’t post the banner on your blog or MySpace page you are letting the terrorists win.
Will you help fight the potential death of the freak show?
As always this is going up on humor-blogs.com
I can’t even figure out where you might have come up with this idea… your greatness surpasses my sick sense of humor. Can you teach me master…?
Yes! Viva la mutated revolucion!!!!
truely inspiring
Yeah, only Al-Queda would want to get rid of these awesome freaks!…
What if that 8 limbed girl was in a donkey show?…How much would you pay to see that? Is there a price you wouldn’t pay?…Because I can’t think of one…
im posting it right now!
We can’t let the terrorists win. First the freak shows disappear, next they’ll come after our pie. For the love of pie, people, come on now..
WHAT??? No more “Gretchen Gets A New Face” or “Tommy Tinkerton Loses His Head” or “Man Whose Arms Exploded”??? And and what about the “lady who had the stone baby”??? Hmmm…I have to think about this before I sign anything.
WAIT! Did someone say “dick”?
This blog brought a tear to my eye.
I have stopped the terrorists dead in their tracks, I posted the banner.
and whats with that guy wanting one removed? is he crazy, that has to be the best pick-up ever all you have to do is ask “wanna see” who is going to say no to that?
when i found out they thought the girl was a vishnu because of her extra appendages i thought for sure they’d leave her that way. but noooooo. they used like 10 doctors and worked for 30 hours straight. BUZZKILLS!!!
by signing it does that mean freak show tickets will be half off regular prices?
Kev, you “freak”…what a boring circus of receding hairlines are on the horizon.
Plus I thought in this day and age we should embrace our differences…
>wink< good idea with the re-postable banner! consider it done.
I’m sure carnies and circus folk everywhere will be on board with your plan. They’ll sign your petition with their freakishly small hands and leave them smelling like cabbage.
Seriously…save the freaks! I’m sure the Hemlock Fair is looking for some good acts…
I think the real crime here is that they are getting rid of potential super heroes! I can see the headlines now, “Octo-Girl Saves Village from Giant Electric Eels.” And now because of some sick evil doctor a whole entire village will be vanquished. What a shame.
If X-Men and Heroes have taught me anything, we need these mutants to help save humanity.
Where would we be without mutants?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles anyone?
there’s always West Virginia, Kentucky and some parts in Arkansas …. you never know what those inbreeders will throw. LOL
Well there are always the inbreeders to give us more freaks!
You know, the “lady” in your banner looks familiar. I once had a female customer at work who had a full-faced five o’clock shadow goin’ on. I had to look closely to see if she maybe used to be a he but nope. The whole family looked a little off. This just goes to show there are still freaks out here. They’re hiding in small towns all around us.
Well, in the name of not letting those evildoers win, of course I’ll partake.
You’d think the military would be all over these conjoined people… I mean they may not move as fast or have slight issues here and there but shit! Someone holding 3 or 4 guns firing at one time is better then 1 dude with 2 guns… Someones not thinking here…
Vive la difference.
This is fucking genius!
You’re awesome kev
i love reading your blogs even when i don’t reply (which is because i can’t think of anything to say that deserves a place on your blog) i’m sitting here pissing myself.
Hell yeah i signed the petition and the banner is going onmy page right about now
I am trying to be good now that I am training to be a counsellor, but this blog has become a guilty pleasure of mine.
Have you ever visited Venice Beach, CA during the summer? Never fear, freak shows are free there, virtually 24/7. I haven’t been there in several years, but on my last excursion, I saw a group of people dancing (I think it was dancing) in a circle with tambourines and only the whites of their eyes showing. Others have broken tatoo, and body piercing records in the Guiness Book. Bearded creatures (I think they’re ladies) abound, and midgets too for good measure. And this is on an off day!
I find everybody not blessed with my handsome looks and perfect physique to be grotesquely freakish.
Am I supposed to save EVERYONE?
I wanted to read the one about the guy with two penes, but it takes me to an article about the eight limbed girl.
Man, the right to lifers should get upset about that one. They basically cut out her parasitic twin… for shame! The twin coulda survived even though it had no head.
I think it’s the circus union that’s behind these type of surgeries. Job security I say, that could be the only answer.
We can do this!!!!
I try
I would give my first born child
Would you still give a tip?…
Of my dick
HEEEY OOOHH!
thank you marcie!
Exactly…. exactly
You have to sign it, they have to be protected.
It might have been mentioned
Today on a very special pointless banter.
Whew…for a sec. I thought I was zoning in on some kind of subliminal message. Thanks for clearing that up.
Okay…but are there any perks? Like a trip or something?
Wasn’t that a billy goat???
To the 2 penis pick up line, TRUE DAT.
If a guy came up to me at a bar and told me “I have 2 penises, wanna see?” I would answer “Hell yeah!”
What is in it for me?
You need to do a dance.
Come on now… This is a social cause.
Hell I would even ask to see it.
What assholes
sure, why not… I can totally make claims that I can’t support
Repostable banners = good social causes.
There will be no cabbage smelling petitions.
Oh they totally can pick from the locals.
Mutants rule.
Oh, my myspace name is I wrote “The Gospel On Giving Up” so now you know who I am when I post comments here. (you said thanks in my bulletin I posted AND here…although a Thanks isnt nessicary when I love a freak show just as much as the next asshole
just like the president of the united states…