Time to take a breather from the whole dating thing as I have finished up covering craigslist and am about to move onto my next round of experiments.
Today I want to talk about something that threatens… well none of us… well unless you are reading this blog in Delhi.
Apparently there is a massive monkey menace in Delhi, India. They are overrun with evil monkeys.
Sure you read that and think, “What are they throwing crap and doing things that crazy little monkeys do?”
Nope. They threw the deputy mayor of Delhi from his terrace, giving him a serious head injury that lead to his death. I shit you not, this is totally real. In India it is forbidden to kill monkeys for religious reasons. This coupled with the fact that people have been feeding monkeys in order to obtain divine reward has led to a rise of unruly monkeys. How out of control have these monkeys been?
Monkeys have invaded government ministries in New Delhi, ridden elevators and climbed along windowsills. Monkeys slapped students inside a girls school in a south Bengal suburb. A gang of monkeys in the city of Chandigarh ripped up lawns, broke flowerpots and yanked sheets off beds.
Some monkeys, mostly loners, have bitten people, injuring and even killing small children.
Wait read that over, they went into a girls school and slapped the students around? Is that not the greatest thing you have ever read?
Teacher: Jane, why were you late for class?
Jane: A monkey just kicked the shit out of me.
Teacher: Sure Jane… sure…
So what do you do with unruly monkeys that you can’t kill? Send them to monkey jail of course. None of this really has worked and Delhi is losing it’s battle against the rouge monkeys.
You know what, I don’t even have a solution to offer up. I was going to say that I could create a band of freedom fighters that would come and take care of the monkey problem. Maybe I could wear a cool eye patch and have the latest in military technology to fight the monkeys. But after thinking about it, why the hell would I want to do that? I am waiting for the inevitable monkey car theft or perhaps a plane theft. Or the story about how someone went to buy an ice cream and the only people working were monkeys, of course they would only dish out banana ice cream.
So India, I beg you, continue your no killing of monkey policies. You can co-exist with them and they can be productive members of society, after all they did dominate the trucking industry here in the 1980s.
Are killer monkeys not the greatest things ever?
This is going up on humor-blogs.com