And here comes the hate mail
(Note: The hamster in question from the other day died of natural causes. The burial is set for sometime this week, if you would like to view the body you can check out the shoe box on top of my neighbors fridge.)
I am only on the first stage of this series and the hate mail is starting to come in. I actually got a phone call from the future college professor expressing her displeasure with being written about (which she did in a level headed and normal way) and I got an e-mail from the “dog girl” about how bad of a person I am. Apparently she didn’t appreciate the peanut butter comment either:
I realize that it isn’t normal to have four dogs, but all of them were
hours away from death and that’s why I have them. They bring me and a
lot of others so much joy, um, non-sexual joy I’ll add as I also really
appreciated the peanut butter comment.
I really wanted to take a second to explain that what I am doing isn’t malicious by any means, I am just documenting, in a humorous fashion, my inability to find someone that I want to date. This also includes my personal faults and mistakes which will be covered throughout this series. However some people don’t like that, which I understand, but having their friends send me hate mail isn’t the best way to go about voicing your displeasure. Here is one I got the other day from Lee Lee…
(Wait before I go into that, let me explain my policy on hate mail, while I am not going to put pictures up of the women I dated or use any of their real information if you are DUMB enough to send me a hate mail message on MySpace instead of using the anonymous contact form on the top of my page you are getting called out.)
So this is my hate mail message from Lee Lee:
I was somehow referred to your page after
having saw your add in craig’s list. After a sneak peek of ‘Kevin’s
“Freaking” Exit Only’, I suddenly realized….OH THAT’S WHY HE’S ON
CRAIG’S LIST!!! Is your display name just a front for your gay-like
nature? You look like you’re saying no to a girl with the thought ‘I
don’t do girls lady, but that broom is kind of attractive’.It
(You) must be wondering, who the hell is this crazy woman emailing
me??? Don’t worry, I’m not a stalker (and if I was, I would have found
better prey), I’m just an honest woman who thankfully knows that
Craig’s List is no place to meet men becasue this is what you get!!!
Gay jokes? Really? You decided to sit down and write me because you “magically” found my page and felt so outraged at what I was doing that you needed to voice your displeasure. And the only thing you could come up with is a gay slur? What a waste of time and effort… not only mine but yours.
You had my entire MySpace page to work off of and over 650 blog posts and all you could come up with is a gay slur?
Look, your page is private so all I have to go buy is your tiny picture, your quote, your name, and your mood… I can come up with better things than a gay slur, like:
-You dumb twat, learn how to resize pictures so I can make fun of your LeVar Burton like face.
Be creative with your insults. I mean you didn’t see me taking the easy road close minded road that you took with something like, “Wow your black and your current mood is lazy, that is a fucking shocker.” But unlike you I don’t need to resort to close minded slurs… Now go back to teaching kids how to read.
If you guys want to send Lee Lee a message on her MySpace page be my guest, post your sample message in the comments below.
If the only insult you can make is a gay joke should you not even bother making the insult?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
Kev Kev Kev!!!! I have been your fan forever…calm down! I’ve never known for you to be irked so much…wow…I’m surprised you even humored her by writing this..altho you should have expected the humiliation of the girls you did take out
hate mail is great…the only thing better than hate mail is stealing childrens trick or treat bags. (which i will be dong tomorrow.)
also….i like that i can read and comment on from my phone now…
Natural causes eh?
Her insult was like the caliber of “you’re a doo-doo head”, Definately lame. It’s almost more insulting how little effort she put into it. The short cuts she took in this definately coincide with her status of lazy.
Pffft, I send you better hate mail….
Oh fun times, I’d send her a message, but I have enough legal trouble right now.
I giggle like a little girl every time someone uses the word “twat”. As I type, I’m still laughing. I agree on the gay part. Totally fuckin’ useless. We all have plenty of shit that people can rip on us for. Have you ever written about the number one one-night stand that you would take back! lol Maybe I can help? And please post some more hate mail, I love it.
she just mad because she didnt think of the idea first. her levar burton looks are working for her anymore.
I’m not lazy and I don’t have legal trouble but she isn’t worth the time. How could anyone hate you anyway?
BWHAHAHAHAHA What are people thinking sometimes? And how is it you can access LeVar Burton in your immediate memory?
I agree, if all you have is a gay joke, it’s best to keep it to yourself anymore, they’re not that funny anymore.
I used to taunt the kids in school right back, they’d make up lame fat jokes, and I’d be like “oh come on I’ve heard that before, be original!” I mean if I’m going to have insults thrown at me I’d like them to be funny!
First, I’m glad to hear about the hamster. I was worried about the little fella.
Second, Why am I strangely jealous of these women that went out with you and are now sending you hate mail? I wish that we could meet then you could throw humorous barbs about me in your blog. I would only send good hate mail. Not lame stuff like what’s her name.
You have a thick skin (no, I did not say foreskin, but since you brought it up… maybe that’s your problem).
Are you curled up in the fetal position crying over your hate mail?
Hmmm.. I am curious to your craigslist ad now… going to go search after I leave you this comment. CL is great find sometimes but definitely not for dates or roommates for that matter. I had this PSYCHO roommate from hell and guess where I found her? Yup.. you guessed it.. the CL. But it should provide you with plenty of content which can be a good thing.
first of all i would never write you hate mail because your put-downs are well thought out and therefore deserve credit. but if i did write you hate mail, you can bet your ass it would actually end up with you thinking, “ooooh, melanie got me.” and not, “wow, that was really pathetic.” people that aren’t witty or quippy shouldn’t bother writing hate mail, unless they want to be laughed at some more. wait, they should write more hate mail. i like to laugh at people.
I could get Ted Kaczynski to send you some excellently crafted hate mail, if that’s what you’re looking for.
What about the word “skanky?” I especially like it when paired with “bitch” and even more so if “fuckin’” accompanies… as in “YOU SKANKY FUCKIN’ BITCH, don’t be calling Kevin gay!”
I like the word, just sayin’…
Holy CRAP, I am a dumb-ass… I didn’t know my whole name would be posted. eeek… retract retract retract!
LOL
Sucks when you think you are gonna get good hate mail and it just turns out to be total shit.
“you’re ugly”
i don’t wanna go to far over here head, do you think it’s long enough
I read this way earlier and wasn’t quite sure how to respond but after furhter thought / review, I say that if you DIDN’T get hate mail that you were losing your touch! So don’t give it / them a second thought and keep being the talanted - if not warped - master of wit and humor that we all know and love!
Hey, I agree that the hate mail is stupid b/c it’s not like we know who they are. Keep writing, it makes for good reading.-Peace
I’m surprised (and a little disappointed) that she didn’t throw out a yo’ mama cut down. OH WEE. That is the most vanilla hate-mail in the history of the world. What a waste of perfectly good hate.
I’m glad you at least gave the hamster his dignity back, and let it die naturally….
Hahaha, I find hat email to be hilarious myself. I get a fair amount of it… every time it cracks me up.
This guy above me gets “hat” mail? Damn that’s gay.
twat is a weird word.
i envision things flapping around down there.
come to think of it, there’s not one single dirty euphemism for vagina that i think is really fucking cool.
you guys have dick and cock.
THOSE are great words.
what do we have??
p*ssy– good in a porn i guess, but otherwise how do you use it in every day convo? (other than “that guy’s a total p*ssy”)
c*nt—don’t even get me started. it emotes a canyon-like nature
and the aforementioned twat.
which sounds like you just killed a fly.
WTF?
Oh wait- isn’t that Lee Lee the same person who regaled us with made up stories about lesbian anal sex months back. Whatever silly girl, keep trying to audition for Penthouse Forum then crawl back under your rock.
If you don’t get hate mail, Kev you are doing something wrong.
I really expected better hate mail than that. I think you need to step things up a bit. Just try your best, that is all we are asking for, I know you can do better!
Kevin,
She was APPLAUDING your gay-like nature! And GOD forgive her for getting creative with a broom! You are such a hater, Kevin!!!!
I love that you are able to reference Lavar Burton and a twat in the same sentence. (Not TOO redundant.) I also love that Lee-Lee (rhymes with wee-wee)”thankfully knows that Craig’s List is no place to meet men because this is what you get!!!” but is at least desperate enough to continue perusing CL personals (as her only other options left at this point involve a tranquilizer dart and a good length of chain.)
Thanks for the laugh as always. And don’t forget: If you aren’t pissing SOMEBODY off, then you are not doing it RIGHT!
Muah!
The Divine Grace
I’m happy the hamsters dead…. that sounds so cold doesnt it… meh
wait, wait, wait…. did that lady SERIOUSLY call you “It”? um, hello, b*tch, that book was already published, try again.
*hire a hit man & have her killed. it’s the ONLY option now
THANKS, Kevin… I’ve needed to be “fixed” since my last child.
For the record, whether you’re gay or not, if I were single, I’d do you.
God, even your hate mail is better than mine.
Your hate-mailers might be lazy, but mine are so lazy they don’t even bother to write to me. The bastards.
Oh I am not irked at all about the hate mail, I get a ton of it and I am used to it.
What I am irked about was that it wasn’t even good. It was lazily done. If you are going to insult me spend some time and come up with something good.
I am glad at least one person is using that feature
Exactly… that is what is insulting to me. Just the lack of effort in the hate mail.
I know… sniffle
Eh, I don’t think anyone would actually take the time to do it… I just wanted to share my crappy hate mail
Twat is just a funny word… same with scurvy
Dave I think you could probably cover my top 5 at least.
She needs a Gordie visor
I know I am lovable
He is in my spank bank
Who the hell am kidding, like I have standards. Something in the whiskey, each shot took her one step closer to supermodel.
I just remember someone not being able to pay for a lapdance because they didn’t remember that they put money in their back pocket…
I am not crying over it, I am trying to get people to step it up and send some quality hate mail. This run of the mill shit is boring.
I’d use that feature if I knew how.
Hey if you want to fly me out…
Wait fat jokes aren’t funny?
Just go to pointlessbanter.net on your phones web browser. It is now mobile phone compatible
My ad is just my about me page with a few adjustments
I know you can hang, if I got hate mail from you I would be worried
Um… I think I will pass on that
Fixed
I think that works… classy, sassy, and bursting with flavor… wait I am totally gay
CLASSIC!!!
Wow…I totally agree with you, Tiffany. I’d like to hear one slang term for vagina that doesn’t make me feel dirty.
No it is a totally different person
I think kev just likes to name his un-nameables “lee lee”
i wonder how long til Ms. Sobieski sues?
Not that I’m personally questioning that but isn’t this whole blog series sort of disproving that theory?