Hamster Homicide
The dating series will resume Monday (I already have hate mail), today I need your help on a serious matter. My neighbor has a daughter who has a hamster that is on its last legs. He can barely walk over to his trey and eat, it is time to put the hamster down. Now my neighbor wants to humanly kill the hamster and put it back in the cage to explain to her daughter that said hamster had passed away, not that mommy was a cold hearted killer. The thing is how do you humanly do it without paying a vet an arm and a leg for an animal that cost you like three bucks? This was the question posed to me last night by my neighbor.
Now personally I am against my neighbor killing the hamster, I think she shoud have her daughter do it. Instead of teaching her daughter about the cycle of life and death she can teach her a high concept lesson about euthanasia. (Side Note: When I was little they were talking about euthanasia on the news and I wanted to know why “youth in asia” were killing a bunch of old people. I had images of little Asian kids swinging Nintendo controllers and bashing old people to death. Yup, I am an idiot.)
However if you think about it this could be a really bad precedent to set. When my neighbor is all old and sick her daughter could be all gung-ho to put her out of her misery just like she had to do with her favorite pet growing up. So we decided that it might not be the best course of action.
Here were a couple of ideas we bounced around last night:
1) Put the hamster in a bag and put it up to the tailpipe of a car- This wasn’t my idea and I don’t know about going with this one. What happens if you get all high and light headed by holding the bag up to the tailpipe and pass out? Then the hamster knowing that you have just tried to kill it gnaws through your stomach in the ultimate fit of revenge, what are you going to do then?
2) Spike its water bottle- Pills or vodka… But then I thought about how many pills and vodka Paris Hilton must consume and she is sadly still around.
3) Involve it in an autoerotic asphyxiation exercise gone horribly wrong- I don’t know how you would do that. I just wanted to type autoerotic asphyxiation in my blog for the hell of it.
Other than that we were pretty much stumped, so I am going to leave it up to you guys. The sick and twisted people that read this crap…
How should we knock off the hamster?
this is going up at humor-blogs.com
Jose’s comment above mine is the only humorous one. Most were pretty serious.
These animals die pretty quickly when they start to go. No reason to make them go through noxious fumes or sudden pain. Just imagine you’re about to die and what you would feel if someone did any of the above ideas. Most of us have inhaled noxious fumes; it’s miserable.
Just let your hammy die in peace. If it’s something they won’t die of, take them to the vet. Yes they are cheap to buy, but they suffer and feel pain the same as “expensive” pets.
go to walmart and buy s tub of plastic bbs. put them ina pot then put them on the stove unil there comletly melted down into a plastic soup then just plop him in and let dry this way the hamster shall be forever presserved in you can just look into the blok of plastic shell e able to she her favorite little buddy
im a smart hamster and learnd how to type!!! i kill zombies!!!
my master throws me in the zombies mouths and then i bite through the esofigas till i get to the spinnal cord!!
i personally would blow it to bits with my semi-auto 12 gauge. nothing more fun than shooting things with a shotgun
Could just buy another hamster
Hamster kill eachother so the one will kill the dying one.
It doesn’t cost an arm and a leg to have a hamster put to sleep by the vet. I have an appt. tomorrow to have my little hamster put to sleep because I feel she is suffering and they are charging me $20.00. I don’t think that is too much considering they will not let my baby suffer in pain needlessly like you will if you try to kill your neighbors hamster in any of those ways above.
Hey! That’s not nice to just put us hamsters to death. Just because we’re cheap doesn’t mean that you can just kill us or suffocate us! If you were a hamster, would you like getting killed just because you’re old?! Why don’t you just tell your daughter the truth and leave the hamster be! >:(
Don’t be such a baby. Hamsters are vermin and ought not be treated with any special preference.
Somewhat like you.
I like hamsters!!! Maybe you could give me…? Does the hamster eat rice…? Or it eat bug? What color is hamster? Is it bite bite bad hamster? Or is it very small cute hamster? How old is hamster? Did it come from China? (I’m Chinese). Can it help me do algebraic equation? Ooh… Hamsters… I like.
HAMSTERS
HAMSTERS
HAMSTERS
HAMSTERS
HAMSTERS
HAMSTERS
HAMSTERS
HAMSTERS
HAMSTERS
HAMSTERS…Sometimes I don’t…
Just let him die in peace. You could always get it put to sleep and put another hamster in the cage. I just got one put to sleep today and it cost me $15
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Sorry, that struck me as so funny I lost some cereal laughing.
From laughing
Hahaha, bitch.
i would never ruin a good percocet on a damn 1.99 hamster! ill pop the pill and set it outside in the yard some hungry stray cat will take care of it
Put it in a ziploc bag, close it, and put it in the freezer. I know from experience this works… I accidentally stepped on one of my pet rats and broke her back :’-(
Touche
i agree.
nature is more cruel to animals that we could ever dream.