"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."


Questions I Hopefully Can Answer

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/2/07 @ 7:15 am

On Sunday I joined a gym. Exciting right? Not really I know.

Since I moved back to Western, NY I have felt really unhealthy. Maybe it is because I am jamming my gullet with wings, garbage plates, and subs. Or maybe it is because the only exercise I am getting is when I watch “Jenna Love Rocko”.

Today was my first day and I am giddy about all the potential questions I will eventually be able to answer.

1) What is the exact amount of time you can stare at a girl working out before it crosses the line and becomes creepy?

I’ve never been one to leer but now it seems like a good time to start.~ I read somewhere that the gym is actually the worst place to pick up a girl… That might have been in “Cosmo”, I’m not sure.

2) If I can piss in my shower at home is it socially acceptable to do it in the gym shower?

They have private shower stalls where I go, so I wonder if I can pull this off.~ Really it saves time and I have read if you piss on your feet it prevents athletes foot, that might have been in “Better Homes and Gardens”. Which brings me to my next question.

3) How long can I avoid the guy with all the anti-fungal sprays?

I saw a guy in the locker room that used anti-fungal spray on his feet and a different spray on his crotch. Is there any humanly possible way that I can avoid using every single machine he has ever touched? After seeing all the spray deployed it made me want to go spring for a bowflex.

4) How do I stack up against the black guys?

I finally can see side by side how I stack up against a black guy. The only problem is that I work out between 6am and 7am in the morning, black people don’t get up before like 10… I think I read that in “Jet”.


I just wanted to make a Jet Magazine reference… sorry.

5) If I join a spin class would that totally be gay?

What do you think the girl to guy ratio is in one of those? Just wondering.

6) Can I read “People Magazine” and “Us” so I can stay on top of Britney’s kids being yanked away~ while on the treadmill but blame it on the fact that there were no copies of “YM” available?

Yeah how about that, Britney got her kids yanked from her. You have to be a really bad mother to have your kid taken away from you, hey at least before she dropped them off she took them to Carl’s Junior for a nice healthy lunch. Way to be responsible, fast food for kids under three is a healthy way to raise them. I can’t wait for K-Fed to put out his parenting book series and school us all, it should do better than his album.

Well I totally got off track there on something that is totally unfunny, which means it is a good time to pull the plug and get to work.

What questions do you want answered from the gym?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

36 Responses to “Questions I Hopefully Can Answer”

  1. says:

    you can stare at chics at the gym as much as you want untill they 1…catch you or 2…slap you…thats when it becomes creepy…\par
    you can pee anywhere you want…you like in NY\par
    you cant avoid fungal spray guy…theres probably more then just him using it…its just that he has less pride then others…\par
    Yes…spin class would be really really…um…not cool…\par
    How come black guys jack up bigger then white guys??? doesnt it make you feel like your not very hot??\par
    hey maybe this is why my first kid is black lol\par
    you cannot read those girly magazines…stop it…and YM? you pervert hahaha…\par
    (poor britney…shes done it again… ;)

  2. says:

    I second the K-Fed parenting book.\par
    “Jenna Loves Rocko” is my fave. \par
    The girl to guy ratio for a spin class is probably 5:1…lucky you, eh?\par
    Good luck, my friend.\par

  3. says:

    You ARE a true public servant. I was going to ask you a couple of questions related more towrards your current location rather then the gym but you’ve already answered one (whether Nick Tahoe’s still exists – we LOVE our garbage plates and I’ve been know to try and recreate the experience here in North Carolina but can never find Italian bread that is quite that stale as I remember theirs being).\par
    As for my other geography related question, is the Penny Arcade still in business (used to love to go and see Ice Water Mansion perform there).\par
    Being how’s I don’t ‘do’ gyms, I don’t have any gym related questions but applaud you on your telling answers to the questions you’ve covered (about fell out of my chair over the 10:00 o’clock mention).

  4. says:

    I hate gyms….. have more sex.

  5. says:

    Screw working out. I don’t life weights because they’re heavy and I don’t run unless I am being chased, so seeing women at a gym is foreign to me. Just go to Carl Jr.s

  6. says:

    Do the big meathead guys there in New York have steroid induced pimples on their hairy backs like they do here in Tennessee?

    • debbie/mistaken says:

      Now that was plain mean. lol I’m from Tn./org.Ohio but I wouldn’t dis your fellow man. ;P

  7. says:

    I know how you can really save time- just whip it out and pee while you’re working out- if you do it in a public shower why not on the weight bench? Then you can compare your body and your jiggly bits to the black guys and stare at hot girls (without blinking or looking away of course) at the same time. Questions answered…

  8. says:

    The spin class is likely 15:1 and you would have to keep up to even have a shot at the ugly friend of the hot chick – good luck.\par
    Moms lose custody all the time.\par
    as far as working out- the best is 12oz curls with decreasing wieght then start over. 20 -30 sets shoudl work. You will be in perfect shape – pear shape.

  9. says:

    Go to spin class. I think the guys in my spin class are always hot. Plus you know they have great cardio endurance. \par
    Also you could go to yoga. Well, maybe not.\par
    I didn’t know anyone else from Tennessee reads yours blogs.

  10. says:

    wait I gotta keep up? Shit

  11. says:

    If you did spin class would you have to wear protective gear in the event that you got a little over-zealous while trying to keep up? Just wondering. And, maybe you should pee on anti-fungal guy to help him out with his issue which would solve two problems. As for staring at the girls, gets creepy pretty quick, however this has stopped none of the guys at the Y where I go from ogling every available female most of the time.

  12. says:

    Eww peeing in the shower gross. It is easy to stare at girls in the gym – you have tons of mirrors to reflect them and watch without watching, and you can stare at the back of them while you’re all on the cardio machines and they wont notice.

  13. says:

    You have to be a really bad parent if a judge deems K-Fed a better parent than you. Those kids may be better off in foster care.

  14. says:

    When in the gym and your are running and fart, does anybody care?

  15. says:

    So Britney can’t destroy her kids after all?

  16. says:

    How come there’s alwayes a guy who has to flex in front of the mirror? Or why do some people feel the need to spray on excessive body spray?

  17. says:

    hey im black and i get up at 4:30 every morning >:(\par
    Anyways, Ive seen chick spray FDS in the gym locker room….for those not so fresh feelings i guess….eww

  18. says:

    You can piss in the gym shower if it’s an individual shower. Don’t piss in the shower if it’s a gang shower – well unless the other guys ask you to piss on them, then it’s acceptable. LOL

  19. says:

    care to trade links with my humor blog? check it out at http://jaysmoney.blogspot.com\par
    want to trade? post my link and contact me back!\par

  20. says:

    Don’t piss in the shower. The smell lasts for hours.\par
    It is even worse in the Steam Room.

  21. says:

    You are joking! You really piss in your own shower? Your shower room or bath tub must be eeeewwwww… smelly!

  22. says:

    Hahaha – Those are some funny funny questions. I love the first one :)

  23. says:

    Wait there is a question if I am hot or not now?

  24. says:

    Jenna Loves Rocko is pure romance

  25. says:

    Tahoes is still there but no the one downtown.

  26. says:

    You signing up?

  27. says:

    It is probably healthier than the twenty wings I had.

  28. says:

    One can only hope

  29. says:

    You just cut down an hour at the gym into like ten minutes. That is great.

  30. says:

    I know right? And just think- when they cart you off to jail for being a pervert- you’ll really have a great opportunity to compare yourself to black guys and work out even more!

  31. says:

    And it comes full circle. Plus the membership is cheaper.

  32. says:

    I didn’t know anyone from Tennessee could read

  33. says:

    Judging by my last sentence I obviously can’t write.

  34. says:

    Excuse me while I calculate the chances of ever meeting you….\par

© 2007 Pointless Banter - All Rights Reserved || Designed: E.Webscapes || Social Media Consulting: Comedy Central Sound