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Wait Can I Just Switch Tables?

By: Bobby Finstock on 09/26/07 @ 4:24 am

Sometimes in life you run into a situation where you begin to size everything up and want a do over. On a recent date I was out with a girl and I couldn’t help but notice a couple at a table next to us. The girl was really attractive and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Since it was my first date with the girl I was with I didn’t feel that bad about focusing my attention on the table I wanted to be at. However, I still felt kind of bad like I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to.

As the girl I was with was babbling on about something that I really didn’t have interest in, I couldn’t help but wonder what the conversation over there would have been like. I have a feeling that maybe we would have been talking about why Gary Coleman is a modern day prophet. Or if I lived in Utah I would totally join a weird Mormon sect just so I could wear those crazy prairie clothes. Of course she would point out to me that I didn’t have to be in a Mormon sect to wear those clothes, which would piss me off because it would ruin the joke and then I would sit there secretly hating her for the rest of the night.

prairie clothes


(I’m still pissed she ruined my joke about prairie clothes… what a bitch.)

After a few minutes their food came out to the table and it looked awesome. It was shortly followed by our food which paled in comparison. It was like pouring salt on an open wound and then urinating on it… I felt really jealous, like I was getting the short end of the stick.

The whole food thing was the final straw for me mentally, I just imagined how the rest of their night would go as compared to how mine would go. I will bet you anything that they waiter messed up on their bill and only charged them like ten bucks for the magnificent feast they had. Then he probably realized what he did and double charged me in order for everything to even out for him. On their way back to his apartment, which I am sure was a short walk with no homeless people accosting them, they ran into an attractive blond girl that asked if they wanted to come into her apartment for a night of unrestrained group sex with her bored model friends. Then I figured when we left I would get mugged by a gang of mange ridden homeless guys that would let my date go but drag me into the alley shove random items from the dumpster into my anus.

I totally wish I could have switched tables.

Have you ever wished you could have been at another table?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

32 Responses to “Wait Can I Just Switch Tables?”

  1. says:

    The grass is always greener my friend.

  2. says:

    That’s why you don’t “date”. You bang then forget their number. Not that I’ve done that or anything…

  3. says:

    All the time. I wish dates came with mute buttons…

  4. says:

    My not switching tables allowed me to stay with the same woman for ten long, arduous, pain riddled years. And there may have been some random dumpster items eased into my rectum.

  5. says:

    I have wanted to switch tables before, when I was dating my ex. Not the first date either. Like, well, everytime we went out. It’s the worst when at the next table is the really hot guy that you met and turned down because you’re being faithful to this total douche sitting across from you who’s an inch shorter than you so you can’t wear your heels because he gets “insecure” and that can’t handle the fact that you make a tiny bit more money than him, and you hate pretty much everything about him but keep dating him because your family loves him and you haven’t thought of a good enough excuse to break it off without getting hassled for months on end by your family and friends…oh, I’m sorry, getting a little lost in the animosity here. Anyway, yes, I’ve wanted to switch tables before. Very badly.

  6. says:

    Chicks still go out with you? That totally blows my mind.

  7. says:

    I have wanted to switch tables many times or at least have someone call my phone at an appointed time so i can get up and leave.

  8. says:

    Just become a swinger, then you can have a HUGE “table” and hope from chair to chair, hehe.

  9. says:

    Oh gawd yes! I went out on a date with a guy who did nothing but talk about the novel he was writing, and how he was going to direct, star, and produce the movie. All the while, there was a guy sitting about two tables behind us, who was just abso-freaking-lutely gorgeous!!!!
    He was having dinner with his buddies, and he kept glancing over at me…
    I was like….come take me….PLEASE!!!
    But the guy I was with wouldn’t shut up…so I started imagining myself stabbing him with my fork and walking out…..
    Nice thing though…the guy at the other table bought me a drink….maybe he sensed my distress.

  10. says:

    Let me guess. You didn’t get laid?

  11. says:

    No, but I wish that I could have been in a different theatre seat. ;)

  12. says:

    No but I have wished I was in another blog… WOOHOO! Hmm looking at another woman and fantasizing about her and how her evening is going to end up while on a first date. You not already being a married man just boggles the mind! (rolling good eye) ;)

  13. says:

    I’m bringing “Prairie” back.

  14. says:

    I totally would have agreed with you on the prairie clothes thing. Although, I would have disagreed with you on the Gary Coleman topic, which would have ruined MY night and then I would have resented you for the rest of your life. Damn that Gary Coleman.

  15. says:

    I think I’m cursed, but I’m working on it.

  16. says:

    you should consider yourself lucky. Sometimes perception isn’t what reality is. Case in point. That woman at the other “desired” table could have been a serial killer, a black widow, much like Carol Wuornos who in 1992 was convicted in Florida for the murder of 7 men she killed while hitchhiking.

    Try the fish…..

  17. says:

    Dude, word of advice, you’ve got to stop looking at everybody else’s table.

  18. says:

    the linen is always whiter on the table on the other side.

    and, secondly….if you can’t have whatever conversation you want with the girl at your OWN table, then that is from your own doing, my friend.

    you were so distracted by what could have been at fantasy table #2, that you missed out what could have been reality @ talbe #1.

    did you at least get some?

  19. says:

    However, never go for what’s behind door #3.

  20. says:

    so did you at least drop her off at her door, give her a dose of the truth and then go back to stalk the other chick? or did you lead her on, take advantage of what was there in front of you, then make empty promises cause you felt you had to? lol i hate it when a guy asks for ur number if he has no intention of calling. blah. pussies ! (your not one of them are you?) hehehe

    thanks for the add. very funny stuff.


    knock on my door sometime
    you rock


  21. says:

    Haha! You’d better hope your date doesn’t find your blog. You definitely won’t get a date #2. Of course, my guess is that you don’t want it. *LOL*

    You should be ashamed! But thanks for the entertaining post!

    Btw, why did I think you were married? And when we go out, you’d better not pull this little stunt! ;)

    Sorry, couldn’t resist.

  22. says:

    It could always be browner too… if she is into it

  23. says:

    Your pimp hand is strong

  24. says:

    Isn’t that what your breasts are for?

  25. says:

    True, and these days there is now grass- just a barren patch

  26. says:

    with some roast beef just kicking around

  27. says:

    Only if they were larger….

  28. says:

    I know people, we can make it happen

  29. says:

    er, hope=hop Although, hope could make sense too, lol

  30. says:

    Brett left her (blank) in San Diego…

  31. says:

    Nope! As much as he was talking about his novel, I was expecting him to turn into Marvin the Martian and blow up the earth.

  32. says:

    this seriously made me laugh.

    Maybe this could be Weird Al Yankovic’s new single?

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