Sometimes in life you run into a situation where you begin to size everything up and want a do over. On a recent date I was out with a girl and I couldn’t help but notice a couple at a table next to us. The girl was really attractive and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Since it was my first date with the girl I was with I didn’t feel that bad about focusing my attention on the table I wanted to be at. However, I still felt kind of bad like I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to.
As the girl I was with was babbling on about something that I really didn’t have interest in, I couldn’t help but wonder what the conversation over there would have been like. I have a feeling that maybe we would have been talking about why Gary Coleman is a modern day prophet. Or if I lived in Utah I would totally join a weird Mormon sect just so I could wear those crazy prairie clothes. Of course she would point out to me that I didn’t have to be in a Mormon sect to wear those clothes, which would piss me off because it would ruin the joke and then I would sit there secretly hating her for the rest of the night.
(I’m still pissed she ruined my joke about prairie clothes… what a bitch.)
After a few minutes their food came out to the table and it looked awesome. It was shortly followed by our food which paled in comparison. It was like pouring salt on an open wound and then urinating on it… I felt really jealous, like I was getting the short end of the stick.
The whole food thing was the final straw for me mentally, I just imagined how the rest of their night would go as compared to how mine would go. I will bet you anything that they waiter messed up on their bill and only charged them like ten bucks for the magnificent feast they had. Then he probably realized what he did and double charged me in order for everything to even out for him. On their way back to his apartment, which I am sure was a short walk with no homeless people accosting them, they ran into an attractive blond girl that asked if they wanted to come into her apartment for a night of unrestrained group sex with her bored model friends. Then I figured when we left I would get mugged by a gang of mange ridden homeless guys that would let my date go but drag me into the alley shove random items from the dumpster into my anus.
I totally wish I could have switched tables.
Have you ever wished you could have been at another table?