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Well I Feel Like a Pedophile Now

By: Bobby Finstock on 09/24/07 @ 4:13 am

A few weeks back I went to a second hand store to look for random things for my apartment. There really wasn’t anything worth buying, well except for an old washboard to hang in my bathroom. I was getting ready to leave when I discovered the best two items ever for .50 each, which I quickly grabbed and almost ran to the front of the store to purchase.

Mary Kate and Ashley

Mary Kate and Ashley

Now I should kind of explain why this is the greatest purchase ever. I have a friend that I lived with for a few years that would essentially come home from work and watch reruns of “Full House” while partaking in his herbal hobby. Personally I just didn’t get it, I think “Full House” is one of the worst shows ever on television, in fact I would go as far as saying that anything that was on TGIF on ABC was total shit. Did the weed make it funny? I couldn’t figure out why this became his routine.

So one day I asked him why he watched it and his answer was… (in a joking manner)

“I am trying to pinpoint the exact point when you could tell that the Olsen twins were going to be hot.”

That opened up the flood gates, because after that he got Olsen twins calenders for gifts, t-shirts, any magazine with them on the cover, and various other trinkets. It just became a running joke that would creep out pretty much anyone that came into contact with us. Things get uncomfortable when you are shopping in the mall with your girlfriend and say things like, “Wait, I gotta run and see if the new Olsen girls calender is out.”

Since I moved away the Olsen girls joke just kind of puttered out and finding these at a second hand store is going to rekindle it.

Anyways, back to the whole purchasing thing. I made my way up front to check out and the cashier looked at me, then at the tapes, then at me.

Cashier: So you have kids?
Me: No.
Cashier: Oh… um…. oooooookay

I really didn’t put together how uncomfortable that really was until I left. It hit me that she probably totally thinks that I am a creepy pedophile or something. I debated going back and explaining why I was buying it but thought better of it. Instead I decided to rush home and wrap my new purchase for a friend… And paint a sign on the side of my car that says, “Follow me for free puppies and kittens.”

Do you have a running joke with someone that people might find creepy?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

42 Responses to “Well I Feel Like a Pedophile Now”

  1. says:

    No fruition on the hotness. Yikes!

    Love the story! All angles of it.

  2. says:

    I don’t but I have a friend at work who does. Her family has a blow up doll that they take on vacation with them and another family and get pictures with everywhere. Fully blown up. The doll’s name is Betty and it is the kind with the O mouth, I guess. Obviously they get strange looks when they take pictures of the family including the kids. I’ve seen a few pictures.

  3. says:

    This sounds even worse than my friends ALF fetish.

    (Looking you up and down, head to toe and just shaking head.)

  4. says:

    I think that this would of been one time that lying would of been the order of the day…”Yes, I do have kids and these are for them.” Like it was ANY of their business in the first place.

  5. says:

    You do look kind of creepy, now that I think about it.

  6. says:

    You think they’re hot? I still think they look like Gremlins. They are about 4 feet tall yet not considered little people? I don’t get it?

  7. says:

    Ok, so I don’t have a running joke, atleast not that I can think of. But, I heard this little old lady on the radio the other day talking about a running joke her and her sister had.

    About 30 years ago, they were having a BBQ and at the end of the party there was one hot dog left so Sister 1 asked Sister 2 if she wanted to take it home in a zip-lock baggie for leftovers. Sister 2 laughed and said, “No. I think I an make due without it”. Unbeknownst to Sister 2, Sister 1 put it in the baggie and slipped it into her purse. Which spawned a plethora of creative ways to send this hot dog back and forth between them.

    Over the years they moved, so it would be sent in the mail. Sometimes during family gatherings, it would be smuggled into one of the Sister’s house and left under her pillow. Other weird places the little old lady mentioned were; shower, mail box, glove box, Christmas tree as an ornament, etc.

    Eventually one of the sister’s died and wouldn’t you know it, the surviving sister had the hot dog in her posession and made a sneeky act to hide it in her coffin during the open casket viewing.

    *tear* makes me wish I had a good, running joke, now!


  8. says:

    You free puppies and kittens? All you need is some candy, too and you’re golden.

  9. says:

    You feeling like a pedophile seems to be a common thing…you might want to look into some therapy for that ;-)

  10. says:

    That does not make you look like a pedophile. Silly duckling! LOL What would make you look like a pedophile is if you went to the store and purchased pairs of little girls underpants to use in a quilt or something really tacky. That’s what would make you look officially odd.

  11. says:

    I have a few. My brother has a baby Jesus that he stole from some Nativity scene when we were young that has been passed back and forth in incriminating ways, there’re pics from a cross country moving trip involving my brothers going-away present of an inflatable sheep (only the one hole, what a gip!), and a sure-to-garner-horrified-looks joke that we have about my mother’s “modestly priced receptacle” that looks suspiciously like an igloo cooler and my sister’s old headstone that is suspiciously flat and convenient for use in cutting limes for Tom Collins…

    It gets us through the day.

  12. says:

    You bad bad man. ;^) I still think they look like the Pants Troll.

  13. says:

    Mary-Kate makes my va-jay-jay moist, but Ashley is a total douche.

  14. says:

    As you well know, the bathroom at the Pile House is Mary Kate and Ashey THEMED.

  15. says:

    Yeah, but all you need now to make the experience complete is that creepy white van, with no windows on the side, a wire mesh screen between the front and the back. You know, the one’s that have the back windows painted over? God, that would be so hot.

  16. says:

    I have a standinbg joke with a friend about another friend’s interest in homosexual goat porn. That raises some eyebrows.

  17. says:

    [...] Well I Feel Like a Pedophile Now [...]

  18. says:

    Just hilarious. Just had to stumble it.

  19. says:

    You only spent 1.00 on your friend…hahaha
    I mean Kevin, you should really get a puppy.

  20. says:

    Nowadays just being into anime fits the bill, unfortunately.

  21. says:

    Well I guess Jayne stumbled it because I just came in through Stumble.

    Your Olsen loving ways are fast becoming widespread public knowledge! :)

  22. says:

    My sister and I have an ongoing game of hide-the-creepy-E.T.-toy-in-your-house. So whenever we visit each other the air is ripe with suspicion.

  23. says:

    Love your work pointless, it has a class of its own! We flowers lover kids, we used to go to school with them afterall :0) Stumbled this post and you walk the fine line sooo well. Greetings from Dubai, Flowers!

  24. says:

    [...] This is the post that got me hooked and forced me to continue reading. [...]

  25. says:

    thats so funny. i had both those videos when i was little.

  26. says:

    I’ve got a weird inside joke.

    I was having some friends over for a birthday party, and it was getting pretty late and we’re all hungry. So, we go raid the fridge, and take out some frozen waffles, we eat most of the package, but one goes uneaten, since nobody wanted it, someone picked it up and threw it across the room (into the closet). About a week later, my friend and I are hanging out, and I see the waffle in the closet, so I pick it up and put it under my desk. Now, whenever anybody finds the waffle, they must hide it somewhere else around my room.

    The waffle has been circulating around my room for two years now, has since split into three pieces, and doesn’t look the least bit moldy (don’t buy eggos, they have some scary ass preservatives).

  27. says:

    Whats wrong with being a pedophile? lol JK

  28. mike paahana says:

    they have become so sexy, i look 4 pictures of when they were younger and masterbate to it does this make me a peodofile 2?

  29. Paul says:

    I don’t think watching a rerun of Full House makes you a pedophile, though I wouldn’t suggest buying some cheap VHS of a Olson Twin movie at a gas station in the middle of the night. Though, you might not be a pedophile, it does make you seem kinda suspect.

  30. Sajidah says:

    50 cents! thats awesome!
    i used to buy those Mary Kate n Ashley videos when i was 7 years old n back den dey were like $20 each!

  31. says:

    That is awesome. I do the same thing trying to have thumbs up or deuces in most of my pictures.

  32. says:

    yeah I have problems

  33. says:

    that is pretty awesome

  34. says:

    I thought you were dead

  35. says:

    I totally didn’t think about it.

  36. says:

    I came back from the grave just to read your Olsen twins blog. What’s next on the menu? Your two Cori’s movie marathons/circle jerks in college? How do you expect a human to stay dead with that kind of comedy flying about?

  37. says:

    I am going to buy Blown Away on Amazon and watch it over and over… The two Cori’s double teaming Nicole Eggert is family viewing

  38. says:

    Thanks… that makes me feel better

  39. says:

    I think it’s the hair…;-)

  40. says:

    I don;t know if I consider them hot… But now that you said the Gremlins thing I am going to be thinking about that every time I see them… And I would never pull it to Stripe.

  41. says:

    I know, why do you think I went to the bathroom so much when we played poker

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