Big Lots is the Store of Choice for the Anti Christ
I never really have shopped at Big Lots before, there is one near my house and I needed a bed frame. So out of convenience I went there. Really easy right? Go in, buy a frame, go home, assemble frame, place bed on frame, and sleep….. pretty simple.
Oh but it wasn’t that simple, not at all.
First of all Big Lots looks like a shopping center in Iraq; shit thrown all over the place, homeless people, and a ton of crap that nobody wants to buy… but they have great deals on rugs. When I bought the frame I noticed that the box was open, however the furniture department guy was loading it into my car so I didn’t feel like arguing. I know odd shaped boxes like that get ripped open all the time, so I wasn’t going to freak out. Of course when I got home I was missing two parts to the middle of the frame, since it was like 10pm at night I would have to wait the next day to get this missing piece.
(Side note: When I was walking into the store I saw this guy wearing a “Unix is cool” t-shirt, I just wanted to grab him, shake him, and scream, “NO IT’S NOT!!!!!!!” But somehow I don’t think it would have been appropriate.)
I went back this morning with the instructions and the receipt to get my missing part. Now logically you would figure that they would just open another box, take out the part I was missing, and then contact the manufacturer to get a replacement part or return that set to the warehouse. When I worked in retail that is basically how we would have handled things. But when you enter the world of Big Lots logic and common sense go out the window.
You know how when you go to the doctor they use the pain chart to determine the level of pain you are in? In order for you to relate to the disgust I was feeling I am going to use pictures of Rosie O’Donnell to explain my levels of disgust.
Solution 1: You don’t need that part.
After talking to the store manager and the furniture department manager they believed I was legit and headed into the warehouse to get the parts that I needed. A few minutes later they returned with a box and opened it, the frame in the box didn’t have the parts I needed. I was told that, “You don’t need those parts, I think the instructions are wrong.”
I bit my lip for ten seconds and counted for another ten, then calmly pointed out that they brought out a frame for a twin size bed. Because it was a twin size bed there was no need for a middle support like the ones Queen and King sized beds need. Back into the warehouse they went.
My level of disgust on the Rosie O’Donnell Scale: Slightly Elevated
Solution 2: They don’t make that frame anymore
They returned with another box and opened it to reveal no middle support. I was informed that I probably purchased the last version of that frame. The thing was the frame that they had in this box was a special frame that screwed onto the bottom of the box spring. The frame I bought is the type that is on like 90% of all beds in the United States, again I bit my lip and pointed that out. To the warehouse yet again…
My level of disgust on the Rosie O’Donnell Scale: Raised
Solution 3: Why don’t you contact the manufacturer and have the send you the part
I figured the third time is a charm, I am either a total idiot or I have way to much faith in other people. This time when they emerged from the back they came empty handed, the store manager suggested that I contact the manager and have them ship me the missing part.
My level of disgust on the Rosie O’Donnel scale: THE HIGHEST
I countered with, “How about I go home and package up the frame, come back and…”
There were options for me here:
a) jam it straight up your ass
b) lob it through your front window
c) wait for you to get the parts in
d) return it and urinate on your leg
I actually went with option e which was: return it and call the district manager.
Now I hate when people play the district manager card, in fact when I worked retail it was my least favorite thing because it was such a blow hard move. The customer never knows how to contact the regional manager, they never would take the time. I had officially became what I hated. I blame the lighting….
The bluff worked though and they said they wanted to make sure I left happy. The went into the warehouse and returned five minutes later with the pieces I needed.
As I drove home I thought to myself why was that so hard? Did they have a special collection of bed frame parts that they were so afraid to get rid of. Maybe the guy in the furniture department was like Bubbles from “the Wire” and sold the metal for money to buy crack. Then I just settled on the fact that the entire world is against me.
Will you join me in my new found hatred of Big Lots?
Big Lots sucks. Ours is located next to the city court house – the patrons/employees/court attendees seem pretty interchangable.
In todays world with everyone being on the internet it is easy to get the districtor regional manager. You can even get the V.P.s addresses for most companies.
I know my ex wife and I went to the movies for free for about 2 years based on a letter she fired off about a local theater. And the lest goes on. She was a bit of a bitch that way.
My wife begged me to take her to a Big Lots last year, because she had never been there before. After 30 straight minutes of trying to explain to her that she was going to leave the store more depressed than she had ever been, she still wanted to go.
Guess what? I was right. F that place. F it right in the A with a big rubber D.
I can’t hate. I love that place. Everytime I feel stressed out, I can walk down the aisles of useless crap that I don’t need in my house and take solace in the fact that if I want it, I can have it for the low, low price of $5, or less. OR LESS!! I’m sorry, I have to be loyal to my favorite giant pile of crap that I don’t need.
Right there was your problem. You bought your bed frame from Big Lots. Should have just gone down to the local college and stole one from the dorm rooms. Those kids don’t need ‘em.
Dude, I buy my bras from there…it’s like a two-hour ordeal, but for four bucks each, I’m not going to complain…much…
I have always wanted to go to a Big Lots before but never have. Now I dunno if I wanna go anymore
I have two beefs with your blog.
A). Unix isn’t cool? Since when?
B). Seeing Rosie getting drilled by a dude is a sight that no amount of Comet and brillo pads will ever get out of my head.
Thanks for fucking up my Monday morning.
Big Lots…the Homeless Depot of America.
So basically you are saying this discount store sucked? Quick, call the news channels, maybe we can get this breakthrough on prime time!
I have never been to a Big Lots, as we don’t have them in the UK, so I can’t join your new found hatred, but I will say that every time I visit your blog I fall a little more in love with it.
Hilarious post.
There used to be a Big Lots near me but it closed down, it was a disaster of a store with no clear isle, or organization….
i have walked into that store one time, and i will never do it again. it must be a company-wide policy that shit is just littering the aisles and strewn about everywhere. it is right up there with wal-mart in my opinion.
Wow, I haven’t been reading your stuff for a long time. Guess I should be. Freakin’ hilarious, and sadly, very true.
You think Big Lots sucks? Try Odd Lots! That bastard store is like going to Big Lots after a hurricane on a leap year. I’m pretty sure Odd Lots ONLY sells the missing parts to all the shit you’ve ever bought. First you go to Big Lots, buy your piece of shit merchandise, then go to Odd Lots to buy the pieces of the piece of shit merchandise your piece of shit merchandise was missing! And don’t ever go on the 1st of the month. That’s when all the welfare people get their checks lol.
I think an employee (or two) may have had a couple of bed frames on hold for themselves hence the delay in getting your parts. I worked at a department store where employees were notorious for doing that. Whenever a big sale was coming up they would stash all the good stuff for themselves and it was always the higher end stuff too! That’s why it’s hard to find the super awesome item being advertised at an insane price.
You’re lucky you have the advantage of having had worked in retail. You know how to work the employees to get what you need. Many people don’t think to go above the department or store manager. Just the mere threat of contacting the district manager or “corporate” is enough to get you the service you need. I too would feel guilty for playing that card but you do what you have to do to get what you need.
You handled the situation quite well and you deserve a a gold star (or a bottle of Jack).
Ahahahahaha.
I work at Big Lots!!!
That is so funny.
Since our store changed managers, we’re a lot better than that Big Lots from hell you went to, but it’s still pretty bad.
Of course, for me, the worst part is that at our store, the customer is ALWAYS right.
They get free shit all the time just because they complain about something ridiculous.
I have so many customer horror stories, you wouldn’t even believe it!
At my store, if you had had that particular problem, they probably would’ve given you the part, a ten dollar gift card, and a blowjob for your trouble.
I loved this post, and I’m printing it out and bringing it to work today.
I have to say, I just started reading your blog before I left to stay in a hotel and find an apartment, and now that I’m back and about to move all my stuff and go buy furniture, I love you even more for saving me; I had considered going to the Big Lots that is down the street from my new store, against my better judgement. I had a feeling I would leave hating life, but you’ve just saved me from a painful drive off whatever bridge I could find after leaving. Thank you!
I love Big Lots to death. There are quite a few in SoFla. I totally agree with you about looking like Iraq! However there are some great deals there! Charmin double roll four pack for 2.00! I’m there!
if it’s anything like home depot I feel your pain…
Lol, nice usage of the Rosie pics. I’d go to Walmart before I’d go to that hell hole, and I hate Walmart. True dat.
That last pic of Rosie was way too disturbing to really think about at this time. I need a bottle (of tequila) and my blankie right now to get that image out of my head.
BTW, good usage of the “call the DM” ploy. Well played!!!
I like Big Lots. Mostly for like, trash bags and plastic cups though. It’s fun to wander around and look at all the shit they sell that you wouldn’t actually want. Same reason my sister and I get a kick out of going to the dollar store.
Oh my God, they have Jerry’s Kids working there, as well. Everything out here in the ones in Western PA seem to be covered in feces in those stores. You walk in clean, walk out feeling like you need a shower. Your options were classic!
ok…..that does suck…i guess ive never had problems taking shit back to discount stores(mainly wal-mart) but i have a reason for that…..I have tits.
its honestly that simple….im a chick and i hate to say it but people listen to me
example A: my dvd player, granted it was a cheap 30 dollar one took a shit on me so i took it back, it was way past 30 days, way past whatever warrenty it may have had……in fact i think i had that thing for a year..but i took it back and got a new one..
example B: this is just an example of my own stupidity…i live on the 3rd floor of an extremly old appt building, it was july and the 2 windows i had werent cutting it. so my mom got me an air conditioner for my birthday
i convinced myself if i just followed the instructions i could just put it in myself……but im pretty sure those instuctions blew ass. and that fucker went right out the window…3rd story……WHAM. dead AC
best part is i took it back to wal-mart that night..i just carfully placed it back in the box…..they dident even look at it….i just told them it dident work and i got a new one
shit dude… that picture of rosie in bed says it all, it also makes me glad I never watched nip tuck.
Today’s post brings back soooooo many memories…having worked in retailing for something like 14 years (before getting a REAL job), I’ve been on BOTH sides of similiar equations…it’s a lose-lose situation all around.
Thanksfully I can’t offer you kudos because while the post itself meirited two (or more), being how you played the “Rosie card”, I’d have to take back at least half of ALL the kudos I’ve EVER given you…there are few people walking the face of the earth that disgust me more then Ms. O’Donnell.
One thing about Big Lots is they charge waay over the mountain too much for any decent furniture sets that they get in. One day I went browsing a Big Lots store with a friend of mine and we walked when we first walked inside the store, I saw this decent looking leather couch set. I thought it was a pretty nice one and it would probably be cheaper because it’s at Big Lots right? Hell no. That furniture set costed $1,699. Like it was imported from Turkey or something. I could have gone to John Paras and spent eight or nine-hundred for that same set. Yeah, they are retarded.
I definitely would have gone with option a:
a) jam it straight up your ass
Since it’s the classy way to go.
Hahaha… the title of this blog just cracks me up. Very well done!
I’ve never liked Big Lots. I always encourage anyone I encounter to never shop there. You should start a boycott.
I agree, Big Lots is like the local dump. You know all major retail stores toss there unwanted crap at them.
[...] Monday I brought the ruckus against Big Lots and yesterday I showed the power of my [...]
I went through the same thing you did, although the item I purchased was a lamp. The part that was missing was fairly critical: a handle for guiding the light source, of which there is only one and which very quickly heats up to temperatures high enough to burn all of the western states within seconds. Although I can turn the lamp on and off without it, I have to put on thick gloves to turn the light in a particular direction or do so before I turn on the lamp.
Before I went back to Big Lots, I had called them about the lamp and part, and they told me the lamp I purchased was the last in their store and probably the last version of that lamp. I asked them if the missing part could be in the store somewhere, perhaps on the floor. They told me I could come in and look, which I did, and found nothing (unless you count trash thrown on the floor by customers who it seems to me care as little about cleanliness of the stores in which they shop as they do about the homes in which they live, dispelling the myth that homeowners don’t treat their properties as badly as renters do … but I digress). I asked them if this lamp might be available at another Big Lots, so that I could return it and obtain it elsewhere, and was told that I could go to or call other Big Lots stores. I called quite a few, which did not have the lamp.
I asked Big Lots about contacting the manufacturer regarding the part, and was told that they couldn’t do that (which I understand, because how much time can any one person expend on one customer?), but that they could give me the manufacturer’s contact information.
So finally I got the response from the manufacturer: They had stopped making that lamp eight months earlier and even they didn’t have the parts.
Apparently, the lamp I purchased had been sitting in this Big Lots store for over a year.
Like you, my experiences with customer service (or should it be called customer disservice?) have caused me to reassess my entire way of thinking. I used to have faith in other people, which I have since lost. Completely. Not having faith in customer service representatives has turned out to be a good thing, however. If I am not kept on hold for 15 or 20 minutes only to be transferred to another department which then keeps me on hold for another 15-20 minutes in order to transfer me again or “accidentally” disconnect me, requiring me to start over again, I am ecstatic. If, in less than 10 minutes, I am acknowledged standing on the other side of a cash register with cash in hand and items to purchase, this is a reason to celebrate.
Hence, I have become, or always have been, a total idiot. I highly recommend it. It’s the only way to deal with the world, not only at Big Lots, but at every store.
I hate Big Lots, Wal-mart, Dollar Tree, Family Dollar, and Ocean State Job Lots.
they are ridiculous, i avoid them at all cost…
i think i would have went with option a.
I’ve been to Big Lots. Once. Seriously, Big Lots, 99 cent stores, Wal Mart, and K-Mart are going to be responsibly for the complete and utter destruction of our society.
i work at a biglots. we are a closeout store, there IS no manufacturer to get a part from. thats why you got it cheap, thats why the box you noticed was ripped open AT the store (but took it home anyway) probably had a sticker on it that said dont return it to the store, call the # and get it yourself.
you could have saved yourself your own trouble had you just exhanged the fucker. within 30 days and with your ticket.
dumbass customers.
Give it some time and you will soon eat your words. You are only as good as your last weeks sales. You can defend the company all you want but trust me they dont give a shit about you or any other employee there. I would love to know what position you have at your store.
Well you, for example. And every other customer who has bought something obviously damaged, then wondered why they had troubles returning or exhanging it. Actually customer satisfaction is pounded into our head since the day we’re hired and most employees of any company will try to comply with that. Also, its not the employees who leave shit on the floor, let their kids roam the store, and tear open packages to ‘’see how it looks”. Its the customers that do that.
yea, right after i wiped their asses and helped them cross the street.
what the hell are we, your mommas?
that esteemed employee makes $8.00/hr if he’s lucky. you think as he’s loading a heavy and/or awkward box into your car while you stand there and watch, he’s going to do you a favor?
maybe im just a bitch, i dont know. *shrugs*
you dont have to tell me how bad big lots is. i worked there for many years. my assistant manager was busy giving the store manager blow jobs in the office all the time, so they just did not have time to care about the store. the store had so many mice and rats every where, day light busy store customers walking around and the rodents would run out. every morning we would have to go through the potato chip shelves and get out the bags that had mice holes in them. i had to go through a cart of cat treats one day to get out the ones that were covered in maggots. and good luck finding any one with in that company who gives a shit, after my many years being a slave for that hell hole they fire me. thats ok they can shove my job position up there tight ass. lets talk about there tight ass, all most 7 years of being there bitch i was making a hole 10.50 an hour! fuck them!
Thanks for taking the time and making the effort educating us. It is really good article.
Can you believe I was fired and prosecuted for throwing out a damaged swing set that if sold could have harmed some innocent child? Big Lots is junk anyway and they sell expired food.
Never assume an open or damaged box isn’t going to be a problem.
Unfortunately Big Lots has evolved into a over priced dollar store, which is 180 degrees from the initial marketing concept I observed in 1991. In 2001 they were in the midst of the transformation but I found a refurbished HP printer for $50 which I am using 8 years later.
More recently at the grand opening of a new store:
A bizarre 30″ plastic beer bottle filled with popcorn for a mere TEN DOLLARS? This was one of many garbage items stocked at this new location, which was too sterile and mundane. It will be the first and last visit to that location, which strangely had no furniture department. The reason big lots had to close the store nearest me was due to the fact they violated their lease (with nearby furniture store landlord) and stocked furniture.
Don’t you hate it when you are right?
I need to date someone to complain for me.
I see where your loyalty lies
Ahhh I agree. I like to buy things that are the low, low price of $5 or even $1. Big Lots is almost the equivalent of Dollar Tree because I don’t need a damn thing in that place but I always have the urge to buy something because its $1.
They don’t have kick ass queen sized beds…
I will shoot you $2 per bra extra and you can nab it at wal-mart
If you go make sure you shit on their floor
a) I don’t know if it is cool or not but publicizing ones love for it is not. I am going to buy a shirt saying pork rinds are cool as well
b) blame big lots, that is the only way I could show my level of disgust
It didn’t just sucked… it REALLY sucked…
Come on give me some love for the Rosie disgust scale
Aw thanks… glad you are semi enjoying yourself
burn it to the ground
Fine, have your love for the Rosie disgust. Whiner.
I’ll get a t-shirt professing my love for Snow Patrol then.
I wreak of class
You work at Big Lots, who you calling a dumbass?
Rachel,
Having worked in retail when I was young and dumb I understand that furniture boxes usually get dinged up and ripped because of the size and how they are stacked. I didn’t question it because he was loading it into my car and thought for sure that an esteemed employee from big lots would probably have been smart enough to check the fucking box before he gave it to me.
I mean, you being one of their stellar employees, wouldn’t you check your merchandise if it had a tear in it before you gave it to the customer?