Your Balls for a T-shirt
So I woke up this morning, decided to sit down and check my e-mail. Have a banana and a bottle of water for breakfast and surf the news really quick because I like to be informed.
Went to cnn.com, saw the usual hurricanes, political news, Iraq but then I saw this headline:
Longhorns fan nearly castrated in bloody bar scuffle
As a guy when you see something like that your junk automatically tries to crawl back up from whence it came. In fact it may or may not have been in my lungs at that point.
Apparently a Texas fan walked into a bar in Oklahoma wearing a Texas t-shirt, he engaged in some trash talk with a 53 year old Oklahoma fan. When the guy from Texas went to leave the bar:
Thomas told police that when he decided to leave and went to the bar to pay his tab, Beckett grabbed him in the crotch, pulled him to the ground and wouldn’t let go, even as bar patrons tried to break it up. When the two men were separated, Thomas looked down and realized the extent of his injuries.
“He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body,” said Thomas’ attorney, Carl Hughes. “He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse.”
It took more than 60 stitches to close the wound, and police interviewed Thomas at a nearby hospital emergency room.
Oh yeah and the 53 year old fan… He is a deacon.
The white shots comment in there kind of cracks me up, in a sick and disgusting way of course. It reminds me about the time in college when I was dating this girl named Denise, I met her during orientation and we ended up dating when we got to school. She was a little petite girl from Long Island, very nice girl and pretty intelligent as well. One day Denise and I had gone out on a date and were sitting outside on a bench, she was wearing white shorts and we were kissing a bit.
All of a sudden I looked down and it looked like she was stabbed in her crotch. Apparently she had just gotten her monthly visitor and since she was wearing white shorts it looked pretty damn bad. Needless to say she was deathly embarrassed and after that all I could think about where the funny ass stories in Seventeen Magazine about girls getting their periods at unexpected moments. Yeah, we didn’t last much longer after that.
I have no idea where this is going, it started out as a blog about someone getting their balls ripped off and turned into a period story.
Have fun in NYC! 
On 09/12/07 at 4:36 am
said:
Just think if the guy walked into that bar with a Nebraska t-shirt…
On 09/12/07 at 4:36 am
said:
Well you never know. a good preiod piece, esp. romantic ones are all the rage. Hell they are making a sequel to Elizabeth so that in and of itself is proff about the popularity of a period piece.
On 09/12/07 at 4:51 am
said:
You read Seventeen Magazine. Lmoa.
This is the world we are living in my friend. See people think “oooooouuu” I can’t were certain solid colors cause we be pasing though an urban area but no thinks about violent crimes happening in suburbia areas becasue of what someones wearing. It can happen anywhere, just ask the Deacon.
On 09/12/07 at 5:02 am
said:
i can’t get the thought of a man in white shorts out of my mind. the whole rest of the story just zoomed by, and my mind is stuck on how bad a man looks in white shorts. oh, and how much i like orange. wow, it’s too early.
On 09/12/07 at 5:18 am
said:
Er, if someone I’m dating turns up in white shorts I automatically assume they are a moron. You never know what you are going to sit it, spill or spew, you do not wear white shorts. Geez.
On 09/12/07 at 5:20 am
said:
Man, even the local gangs around here don’t try to rip each other’s balls off for wearing the wrong color shirt. They might do the obligitory shooting you or jumping you, but not rip off the goods. Wow.
On 09/12/07 at 6:07 am
said:
Those shorts were more than likely white Slazenger Ivan Lendl tennis shorts from the 80’s where ones nuts clearly hang out anyway. Combine that with a UT shirt, being around an Oklahoma fan AND a man of the cloth, what you’ll get won’t be “fondling”.
Clear case of “not guilty” for the deacon in a court of law.
On 09/12/07 at 6:20 am
said:
haha
On 09/12/07 at 6:59 am
said:
lol that is so wrong
On 09/12/07 at 8:17 am
said:
Dude I read this article yesterday and realized that some sports fans truly are fucking insane. I would never cut off another chick’s tits for trashing the Dodgers.
As for the period through white shorts… well thanks for that. Nothing like 2 bloody genital stories before 10 a.m.
On 09/12/07 at 10:08 am
said:
That’s just crazy. People wearing white shorts. Good grief.
On 09/12/07 at 11:02 am
said:
That hurt just reading about it (the balls thingy)…was for the shorts and ketchup incident…I feel for that poor girl…timing sucked there!
On 09/12/07 at 12:44 pm
said:
I’m an Oklahoman. I’m a Sooner fan. My entire family and most of my friends are Sooner fans. We are all disgusted by this. Of course Texas still sucks.
On 09/12/07 at 1:05 pm
said:
Good lord… you’re really trying to make people of BOTH genders cringe today!
Hahaha.. very funny posting
On 09/12/07 at 7:22 pm
said:
Oh that reminds me of my college white shorts story. I was a freshman and we had our first home game. Now football in my school is sort of a religious thing. Anyways I was wearing white shorts because it was unforgivingly hot that August afternoon. Some asshole behind me had a cup of beer and decided to trip over himself and the beer got all over my white shorts. pretty soon you could see my underwear. People started laughing.. and I decided it was too hot to stay in a game wearing sticky white shorts so my friends and I went back to the dorm and continued on with tailgating. perhaps not as embarassing as the monthlys story but that’s how I missed the only game that I ended up going to
On 09/17/07 at 12:51 am
said:
I talked to this girl I went to HS with and her mom works with the guy that almost got castrated. She said it was pretty bad. As if the story didn’t illustrate that enough. Anyway, I’m an OU fan and a passionate fan at that. Texas does suck. But do they suck enough for me to attack another person and tear apart someones genitals? No. Geez.