Now that I am alone
Throughout my entire life I have always lived with either family, a roommate, or a TON of roommates. This is the first time I haven’t had anyone else living with me, so it gives me the freedom to eat Taco Bell on my couch in boxers while watching porn. (If that isn’t heaven I don’t know what is.)
All kidding aside… okay who am I kidding…. the taco bell thing wasn’t a joke…
The best thing about all this is that I get to have questions answered that I always wanted to know like:
How much would a 12 pack of toilet paper last me?
Is one 12 pack going to last me until the end of the year? How much toilet paper do I average in a month? Well now I can keep track. Maybe we should start a betting pool on this or something.
How long before I actually break something?
Roommates always seem to break other roommates shit, I know I have dropped my fair share of plates and glasses that weren’t mine. Also I have seen televisions, computers, arms, chairs, cervixes and numerous other items get thrashed. So now that I don’t have a roommate when will I actually break something?
(Note: I was going to list the plural uterus in the above list but what is the plural version of uterus? uterui?)
If nobody washes the hallway floor will anyone know?
That is more of a philosophical question I guess.
What food will grow mold first?
Which batch of take out food that I forget to eat will grow a cure for cancer first? That is always a fun game to play.
I really like the idea of doing the toilet paper one as a contest for charity or something. Anyways…
What other scientific experiments should I try?
Regarding your toilet paper question, as long as there is not a woman using your bathroom, it should last you FOREVER!
I say the twelve pack will last about two months, another 12 days before you break something, and it will be Chinese food that will grow the mold to cure cancer (they got us beat there too).
(Note: Uteri is the plural for uterus)
i wonder if it would be easier keeping the place clean if youre living alone. but ive always wondered that..i think theres something wrong with me lol.
i like to clean other peoples houses :S
I am accepting applications for a maid
*sigh* I miss living alone. I miss not having to wash the damned dishes the second you finish eating because someone is going to bitch about it.
I think the 12 pack of TP will last you just about 7 months.
Isn’t it great? Bad habits, what bad habits? They cease to exist when ou are the master of your domain. Enjoy the nudity.
I’d say that a 12 pack will last you about 6 months. Unless you have a penchant for shitty beer and Taco Bell, then it’s thirty days…tops.
Not that I’d know.
“… cervixes and numerous other items get thrashed.”
Multiple Kudos 2 u my friend 4 that 1.
Wait..you’re thirty and this is the first time living alone? oh gees…*is scared*
Oh, I was expecting, “If I poo in the bathroom, and there’s nobody around to hear it, does it still stink?” to be they type of question I was coming to. Well then hmmm, you could see how long it takes for your soap to go from regular size to that tiny little sliver (maybe I’m wrong but you don’t seem like the “body wash” type so I’m assuming you use bar soap, being a straight guy and all). =)
The world will never know.
Aww…the joys of living alone.
Toilet paper last much longer, food is only eaten by you, your magazines don’t mysteriously disappear and you can take a crap with the door open, then walk out of the bathroom without your boxers and no one will notice. Then you can walk by the mirror, do some flexes, and no one will laugh.
The only downside is that no one is there making noise to wake your ass up, and you MAY oversleep from time to time.
p.s. Girls like butt wipes, not pink toilet paper.
Taco Bell? It’s all about Mighty Taco!
The toilet paper could last 6 months or so, especially if it’s the good kind of toilet paper and not the cheap-o brand.
I give you about 3 months before something gets broken.
I agree about the Chinese food.
Careful with the Taco Bell idea, you wanna see the gut grow, Taco Bell will do it.
And now that I think of it, eat enough bean burritos, you’re gonna go through TP like its your job…
Considering that you’re on the couch watching porn, and I’m assuming also executing the other various activities that go along with the porn, while eating Taco Bell, I’d say between 10 and 15 days for the T.P. A month at the very most, unless you have a different way of containing post-game spunk, like, say a bucket next to the couch.
You should wash every dish you own and then see how long you can not wash plates until you get dysentery. Never mind. It’d be interesting for us, but shitty for you.
You can research Paris Hilton’s vagina. some say that it holds the Holy Grail. Indiana Jones didn’t really find it….whoops!
You could try the old “What happens if I don’t take out the trash for six months?”
Sometimes the results are splendidly sordid.
I know a guy who didn’t take out his trash for a year. The whole building got infested with -
never mind. I almost committed an overshare.
Being that I am a girl I would never do this, but I do know a few men who do. If you are sitting on your couch eating Taco Bell / Mighty Taco… and I don’t know your cleaning habits…but if you don’t move the couch for a full year that you live in your apartment… I would be a little scared at what might be discovered under your couch… Try that out… you might just find 4 or 5 Time Warner remotes that you had to keep replacing… Lord knows where you put all of those remotes… (granted that you actually have cable) or you might jut find that lost porn… you kicked it under the couch to hide it from the girl you had over.
how long it takes for you to get so desperate for company that you post a notice for a party at your place at a local college bulliten board…
Okay, here’s what I reckon. Do the toilet paper thing. Let’s place bets. I reckon a 12 pack will last you five weeks and three days.
I hate to threadjack, but I just got this letter in the mail:
Dear Sandra Bernhard Wannabe,
Listen, when you cyber-stalked me on myspace I gave you my contact information figuring that you have grown up and matured. Little did I know that you were still fist fucking yourself...and then it goes on and on… wtf?
I lived alone for a while before i lived alone with my kid…i broke glasses and bones in drunken stupers…shit tickets (aka t.p.) lasted a while…but i am woman, so not for a LONG while…I never had left overs because before i was a mom i smoked alot of pot so NOTHING went to waste…and yeah, i didnt mop my hall floor for a while and company..probably noticed…
im not a guy so i really don’t know how much tp you would use. but hey, an experiment i would do if i were a guy, start off with a fresh year and by the end of the year, search your house and count the number of lady items you find lying around the house. Just like any thing that a woman would own and maybe forgot at your casa.
The toilet paper should last you for moths. You probably won’t break anything, since its your stuff. No one will wash the hallway, that’s on you. The 1st thing to gather mold will be a)chinese food or b) vegetables that you bought in good faith that are now rotting in your crisper.
Tip. Give up on the Chinese food – it is only good the night you buy it. And use the veggies that might rot for veggie soup. They are going anyway – put them in a pot with water on low; when tender, throw in some Laughing Cow Cheese wedges and toss it in a blender. Yummy, healthy and you don’t waste food.
I’m just testing to see if I’ve been using the wrong name on here…-Suzi
Mmm… I love tacos!
Living alone? If you wanted to take a bet on something you should take a bet to see how long before you get real bored, and start to spy on your neighbors. Take a bet to see how long before you turn into James stewart in the Hitchcock movie Rear Window
http://www.moviemarket.co.uk/library/photos/171/171276.jpg
Ah, isn’t living alone wonderful? I can walk around naked whenever I feel like it…which is more often than not!
Not to be rude or anything, but I think you’re alone because you don’t change the toilet paper roll. You might think I am kidding, but I think it reflects your level of consideration for other people. Sorry, but that just pisses me off.
It is the benefit of having it be my apartment. If I don’t want to change the roll I shouldn’t have to.
depending on how many nights a week he goes out drinking
if you get what i mean.
I think I am going to make a separate roll for women, like buy pink paper
*snorts* that is such BS. I’m the lone female in a house full of guys and I can honestly say that between my son and husband both of them use way more toilet paper than I do. Gotta blow your nose, don’t use the tissues – use TP! Smash a spider? TP and flush. Dog made a mess on the floor – huge mounds of wasted TP. Spill in the kitchen? Why use a rag or even a paper towel when there is that honking big 24 pack of TP mom always buys. I started buying only four packs to get them to stop abusing the butt sheets.
Thanks for clearing up the Uteri thing
ooh! that would be fun! or get scented, with little flowers on it
too bad i live in australia. though i am willing to move if you will supply a cute outfit and shoes.
I always end up with roommates… And I have a deep seeded fear of living alone
You know the thing is I still shut the door when I take a crap, I just can’t do it open
My parents were the paranoid types, we weren’t allowed to ever completely close an interior door – any interior door. If we closed doors they’d open them. If we locked them, the door knobs disappeared. Wedge it closed, the door was removed. It took my husband a long time and a lot of patience to get me to close the bathroom door all the way. My family is weird.
I have been hitting the Mighty Taco lately since I moved here… argh… not good
I just spit my water out at the dysentery shit crack. I have issues…
I believe in the little sock… not tp for disposal
Could we be related???
I actually won’t eat any Asian food…