As I stated before the most frequently asked question I get as a blogger is would I have sex with Sarah McLachlan? Which I answered before. The second most frequently asked question I get asked is… would I have sex with a post gastric bypass Star Jones.
After creating my “thought process” chart on the wall which includes a “parking lot” for any ideas that need to be discussed I have determined that…… No I would not have sex with Star Jones. In my previous post about Sarah McLachlan one of the deciding factors was that she was female. For Star Jones that was the only thing she had going for her.
Lets take a look at my logic here and the reasons why I said no.
1) She is black- Now before everyone out there begins to think I am a racist or something let me state for the record my penis does not discriminate, well neither does the rest of me for that matter. But I have always read two things about sleeping with African American women:
Once you go black you never go back- That sounds like a pretty big risk to me. You know how they say you can get addicted to crack the first time you try it, is this like the same thing? Will I be feigning for black vagina 24-7? Will I be blowing guys in a bathroom to get money to get black vagina? What is the cut off point? This just seems to risky to me.
The darker the berry the sweeter the juice- I just can’t see her juice being sweet, in fact I would go out on a limb and say it tastes like prune juice or stale underarm deodorant.
If I am going to sleep with a black celebrity it would have to be Shar Jackson, just so she can compare me to Kevin Federline and we can answer the question once and for all… which Kevin is better in bed.
2) She touched Lil Jon- If you have shaken hands with, hugged, or been within five feet of the following people: Lil Jon, Kid Rock, Fred Durst, James Woods, Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels, or anyone that played for the 1986 New York Mets you need automatically have a raging case of a mystery VD. Sorry Star but I like having everything attached to my body.
3) I an concerned about the excess flab- Is it all gone or is she going to take off her shirt and look like a saggy chested Jack Nicholson? (Picture from Donkeysosa.com)
4) She might talk- And that honestly is just a deal breaker for me.
So there you have it, I have laid out a very logical argument on why I wouldn’t sleep with Star Jones.
Agree or disagree?