How I Almost Blinded and Killed Myself in the Shower
I have documented before my hatred of showering in a new place, in fact I would say it ranks high on my list of “things that shouldn’t confuse me but do”. In that blog I stated all my reasons why I have issues with using a new shower, yesterday though there is a new number one reason.
You know those new soap dispensers that hotels and some people have? It hangs by the shower head and you can refill your body wash and shampoo? I have been seeing those pop up all over the place as of late, in fact my uncle and aunt have one. I guess they are really useful for people that find it a pain in the ass to squeeze a plastic bottle.
I used a friend’s shower the other day because my gas wasn’t turned on at my apartment yet and didn’t have hot water. As I soaked myself down I did the normal perusal of all the different shower products to figure out my plan of attack. I noticed that they had a big plastic contraption hanging from their shower head, so I figured that would be my source for body wash. On this plastic contraption there was a blue button and a nozzle, I pressed the blue button and put my hand under the nozzle expecting my body wash payoff.
Oh but the payoff wasn’t body wash, it was immeasurable pain and suffering. Soon this device let off a beeping noise but I didn’t understand what the beeping noise was for. Apparently it meant, “get the hell out of the way dumbass”. Instead I decided to move in for a closer look, BIG MISTAKE.
The nozzle began to spin and shoot cleaning solution hitting me right in the face, blinding me and giving me the “I just got my mouth rinsed out with soap for swearing taste”. I stumbled back like I got punched in the face and began trying to grab on to anything to break my fall. Luckily my ninja like coordination… err the back wall of the shower stopped me from slipping and cracking my head open.
(the device of death in action)
After the nozzle finished dispersing it’s death spray, which may or may not have been Soylent Green, I got back up on my feet. I went back to the device and removed the various shampoo and body wash on the rack in front of it. Apparently the device was a new scrubbing bubbles automated shower cleaner… I hate those little scrubbing bubbles, I hope you run into mildew that you can’t clean.
Have you ever been blinded by shower cleansing products?
Yea man. I’m in a wheelchair and I have this chair I have to sit on while showering so one week I had to stay at my grandma’s house and I didn’t use the shower before and for some reason those damn things don’t turn off unless u beat the shit out of them. I got sprayed right in the damn eyes. I hate new showers. One place I moved into and tried to take a shower but I couldn’t figure the damn hot water because it seemed so random no matter what I tried to do. I never quite figured it out.
Does it make me a bad person that I laughed my ass off at the imagery here?
Evil bubbles!
Another design flaw shows up when you replace the “empty” bottle. About a quarter-inch of soap liquid stays pooled-up at the top of the white pump unit. When you snap-in the new bottle of soap, it forces all of that soap through that “V” notch just above the blue button…
Naturally, since these things hang at about face height, and you’re looking at it, you get a face full of soap.
The bottles now come with a warning (”Do not look directly at soap dispenser…”), but it’s printed upside-down, on the inside of the label.
Doesn’t anyone use bars anymore?
you would think that someone who takes time to write
blogs, would know that something that a blue, not to push it. bet your friend thought it was really funny.
Nice one
haha, what a whiner you are.
So you described a situation where a device sprayed some soap on you in a shower, like you almost died?
he couldnt see dumb ass he fell back and got caught by the wall duh he almost cracked his head open duh dip shit steefie
hahah i love this…the exact same thing happened to me when my mother put one in my shower. i’m so glad i’m not the only one!
I feel your pain, sir.
I feel amused by it.
Sorry but that is funny. When has something beeping ever been anything but a warning? Things don’t beep when everything is fine. You should have realized that no good was about to come of this.
Just because you made the mistake of blinding yourself, doesn’t mean the product isn’t useful. Most people push buttons cautiously when they don’t know what it does; most people also realize that a beeping following the action of pressing an unfamiliar button means that something is going to happen, especially when there is a spray nozzle located on the contraption.
If you can’t tell where the spray nozzle is aimed, you either need glasses (in which case they would be no use to you in a hot shower) or a nice blinding experience to let you know how these common house-hold items work. It will serve you well for future ventures in strange showers.
Though, this all could have been avoided if you didn’t touch things you weren’t familiar with, or waited until you were out of the shower to ask your friend about it. I’m sure, in all of your search, there was another soap or body wash you could have used.
You are an idiot.
Thanks for the insightful comment on a comedy blog you jackass.
[...] Read more and laugh your a** off – How I Almost Blinded and Killed Myself in the Shower | Pointless Banter [...]
I literally had to hold onto my side I was laughing so hard as I read this.
True…..well done. This says it all!
It’s called comedy douchebag