How I Almost Blinded and Killed Myself in the Shower
I have documented before my hatred of showering in a new place, in fact I would say it ranks high on my list of “things that shouldn’t confuse me but do”. In that blog I stated all my reasons why I have issues with using a new shower, yesterday though there is a new number one reason.
You know those new soap dispensers that hotels and some people have? It hangs by the shower head and you can refill your body wash and shampoo? I have been seeing those pop up all over the place as of late, in fact my uncle and aunt have one. I guess they are really useful for people that find it a pain in the ass to squeeze a plastic bottle.
I used a friend’s shower the other day because my gas wasn’t turned on at my apartment yet and didn’t have hot water. As I soaked myself down I did the normal perusal of all the different shower products to figure out my plan of attack. I noticed that they had a big plastic contraption hanging from their shower head, so I figured that would be my source for body wash. On this plastic contraption there was a blue button and a nozzle, I pressed the blue button and put my hand under the nozzle expecting my body wash payoff.
Oh but the payoff wasn’t body wash, it was immeasurable pain and suffering. Soon this device let off a beeping noise but I didn’t understand what the beeping noise was for. Apparently it meant, “get the hell out of the way dumbass”. Instead I decided to move in for a closer look, BIG MISTAKE.
The nozzle began to spin and shoot cleaning solution hitting me right in the face, blinding me and giving me the “I just got my mouth rinsed out with soap for swearing taste”. I stumbled back like I got punched in the face and began trying to grab on to anything to break my fall. Luckily my ninja like coordination… err the back wall of the shower stopped me from slipping and cracking my head open.
(the device of death in action)
After the nozzle finished dispersing it’s death spray, which may or may not have been Soylent Green, I got back up on my feet. I went back to the device and removed the various shampoo and body wash on the rack in front of it. Apparently the device was a new scrubbing bubbles automated shower cleaner… I hate those little scrubbing bubbles, I hope you run into mildew that you can’t clean.
Have you ever been blinded by shower cleansing products?
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On 08/27/07 at 4:15 am
said:
there should be a ban against the scrubbing bubbles thingie. i had that happen to me but i got out the way in time.
On 08/27/07 at 4:24 am
said:
thats fucking brilliant, sue the company that made that for not having a warning sticker or somesort of sign that says THIS ISNT BODY WASH
On 08/27/07 at 4:37 am
said:
I want to get one of those plastic dispensers for my shower (not the scrubbing bubbles - my wife is lazy enough as it is). I have three kids who have yet to learn that you don’t need a gallon of shampoo to clean your hair. Pert may only be $0.99 a bottle, but when you go through 7 bottles a week, something should be done.
On 08/27/07 at 4:52 am
said:
[quote comment="4775"]I want to get one of those plastic dispensers for my shower (not the scrubbing bubbles - my wife is lazy enough as it is). I have three kids who have yet to learn that you don’t need a gallon of shampoo to clean your hair. Pert may only be $0.99 a bottle, but when you go through 7 bottles a week, something should be done.[/quote]
Just shave their heads
On 08/27/07 at 4:53 am
said:
[quote comment="4774"]thats fucking brilliant, sue the company that made that for not having a warning sticker or somesort of sign that says THIS ISNT BODY WASH[/quote]
I think I could become a millionaire off of this
On 08/27/07 at 4:53 am
said:
[quote comment="4773"]there should be a ban against the scrubbing bubbles thingie. i had that happen to me but i got out the way in time.[/quote]
I wish I was so quick
On 08/27/07 at 4:59 am
said:
I almost bought one of those but I realized that since I have nosy kids, I might end up washing out little eyes that wanted to see how it worked, or that I would be showering during the random time to clean part and have the same thing happen. I decided to pass. Now I’m glad my imagined “con” list has been validated. Ha!=P
On 08/27/07 at 5:04 am
said:
No not yet, but when that product first was shown on tv, i heard my mother go on the next day about how dangerous and deadly it could be, since it was in little kid’s and adult reach. Plus you should only push the little red buttons not the blue ones.
On 08/27/07 at 5:04 am
said:
Don’t you wish you had said a cuss word in front of your mother or grandmother to deserve that “just had my mouth rinsed out with soap for swearing taste.” Hope your eyesight is returning.
On 08/27/07 at 5:05 am
said:
[quote comment="4782"]Don’t you wish you had said a cuss word in front of your mother or grandmother to deserve that “just had my mouth rinsed out with soap for swearing taste.” Hope your eyesight is returning.[/quote]
I can see shapes
On 08/27/07 at 5:06 am
said:
[quote comment="4781"]No not yet, but when that product first was shown on tv, i heard my mother go on the next day about how dangerous and deadly it could be, since it was in little kid’s and adult reach. Plus you should only push the little red buttons not the blue ones.[/quote]
If there was a red button I probably would have nuked Iran
On 08/27/07 at 5:10 am
said:
[quote comment="4784"][quote comment="4781"]No not yet, but when that product first was shown on tv, i heard my mother go on the next day about how dangerous and deadly it could be, since it was in little kid’s and adult reach. Plus you should only push the little red buttons not the blue ones.[/quote]
If there was a red button I probably would have nuked Iran[/quote]
but where would waldo hide then?
On 08/27/07 at 5:31 am
said:
Good one. At least you should be all clean and soap scum/mildew free.
And we all know it could be soylent green in the little bottle after all “Soylent Green is people” and how nasty would that be - showering with the refomulated remains of aunt Sallie.
On 08/27/07 at 5:32 am
said:
Is it wrong that I’ve been laughing at you for a few minutes now? I’m picturing you with head cocked to one side and bemused expression juussstttt before you get sprayed like a naughty puppy.
On 08/27/07 at 5:48 am
said:
I’ve blinded myself in the shower in other ways.
On 08/27/07 at 5:50 am
said:
[quote comment="4789"]I’ve blinded myself in the shower in other ways.[/quote]
Did it burn or just make your eyes stick shut?
On 08/27/07 at 5:51 am
said:
[quote comment="4788"]Is it wrong that I’ve been laughing at you for a few minutes now? I’m picturing you with head cocked to one side and bemused expression juussstttt before you get sprayed like a naughty puppy.[/quote]
No I deserve to be the but of all jokes on this one.
On 08/27/07 at 5:56 am
said:
How do you not recognize that thing from the commercials on TV?! haha. Or maybe I watch too much TV..still, that’s a pretty funny story. I’ve burned my eyes with the Johnson’s Baby Shampoo. Yeah, the shit that isn’t supposed to irritate your eyes! I had lather on my hands from it, and rubbed my eyes, not remembering that it was on there, and it does too burn!
On 08/27/07 at 6:04 am
said:
[quote comment="4790"][quote comment="4789"]I’ve blinded myself in the shower in other ways.[/quote]
Did it burn or just make your eyes stick shut?[/quote]
It sent me into a shame spiral.
On 08/27/07 at 6:31 am
said:
It’s too early to be rolling on the floor laughing. I didn’t know people could be assaulted by these, didn’t even think people actually bought these gadgets. Call me a skeptic, but if it wants to hang in my shower it better be good.
On 08/27/07 at 6:33 am
said:
You had me rolling, sorry! But too funny. I wondered about those things before, how they know if you’re in the shower or not. Apparently they know you’re there because you push the button, and they don’t mind maiming their makers!
On 08/27/07 at 7:23 am
said:
This is to funny. I did the same thing about a week ago at my parents. I had to shower at their house due to a power outage and thought the auto cleaner was soap when it was actually some sort of bleach mixture. There’s precious little you can do when your getting hosed with the cleaning fluid but stand there naked and stinging and wait for the stream to stop. Ha…I’m glad I’m not the only one whose done this. Priceless..
On 08/27/07 at 7:25 am
said:
Are you sure you are being truthful by not saying that your “Ninja like reflexes” mean you went ass over applecarts in the shower?
On 08/27/07 at 8:39 am
said:
Oh God that was funny!!!
On 08/27/07 at 8:47 am
said:
Technology sucks…lol
On 08/27/07 at 9:55 am
said:
SOLIENT GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE! IT’S PEOPLE!!
On 08/27/07 at 10:07 am
said:
Oh sure, the old “my gas isn’t hooked up and I don’t have hot water so I need to use your shower” excuse. You just wanted a reason to get naked in someone else’s house.
By the way, you may want to check the side effects of swallowing the cleaning fluid. Blindness may be the least of your worries.
On 08/27/07 at 10:19 am
said:
My friend’s step kid did that to himself. It scared the hell out of him.
Sorry it happened to you. You could have put an eye out.
On 08/27/07 at 10:22 am
said:
LMAOOO… i knew the minute you said you got sprayed that it was one of those new scrubbing bubble thingy’s….. LOL….. while i know that laughing isnt cool, especially since you almost lost ur life in the shower …but the visual of you staggering in the shower is too too funny….. *giggling*…….
On 08/27/07 at 10:40 am
said:
That is hilarious. Poor you. Hehe, glad it happened though, so I could have a laugh!
On 08/27/07 at 10:45 am
said:
I laughed at your pain sorry
On 08/27/07 at 10:48 am
said:
LMAO!!!! That’s hilarious… Nice one bruv
On 08/27/07 at 10:52 am
said:
Things to do list…put up warning sign. (snert)
On 08/27/07 at 11:01 am
said:
Your a a few eggs short of a dozen eh man…
On 08/27/07 at 12:23 pm
said:
No I deserve to be the but of all jokes on this one.[/quote]
Is it totally wrong that I seriously began laughing my ass off the very second I read:
[quote post="688"]Oh but the payoff wasn’t body wash, it was immeasurable pain and suffering. Soon this device let off a beeping noise but I didn’t understand what the beeping noise was for. Apparently it meant, “get the hell out of the way dumbass”. Instead I decided to move in for a closer look, BIG MISTAKE [/quote]
I hope your eyesight is returning and that for good measure you broke that awful thing!!!!!!
On 08/27/07 at 12:24 pm
said:
Part of my response didnt make it…
I think it is completely hysterical, but you dont deserve to be the butt of ALL of the jokes as you clearly did not know better and that device should be labeled SHOWER CLEANER!!!!!!!
On 08/27/07 at 12:59 pm
said:
Hahahaha… sorry to laugh at yer discomfort, but that was f*ing funny !! My dad was so excited to show me that he had bought one of those for his shower….besides not working worth a damn, now i have even more reason NOT to get one
On 08/27/07 at 3:41 pm
said:
Okay Kevin, this one had me laughing my ass off. And not because you may have been blinded, poisoned or lost any future ability to have children.
On 08/27/07 at 4:05 pm
said:
WHy Haven’t I visited you before…that is the funniest thing I have ever read…OMG!
On 08/27/07 at 4:28 pm
said:
It must run in the family Kevin, because that evil Scrubbing Bubbles Shower Cleaner really got me BAD. Ron sure got a laugh out of it, but my eyes stung straight for a week, and in my line of work, going into work everyday like you’ve got a high, ISN’T A GOOD THING.
On 08/27/07 at 5:18 pm
said:
No, but when I saw that on TV, I knew there would be lots of guys who wouldn’t read that thing to see what it was first..:)
On 08/27/07 at 7:23 pm
said:
I never knew that you could be burned with water so close by. Were your hands not in working order to block or had it already been too late for that to be effective?
Well, at least you were able to rinse your eyes quickly.
LMAO…..
I don’t think I’ll let you borrow any of my 5 things for a deserted island. You might hurt yourself.
On 08/27/07 at 9:00 pm
said:
I’d guess this really isn’t the way you want us ladies to imagine you in the shower.
On 08/27/07 at 11:32 pm
said:
ROFL! They should label those things. I have always thought.. what kind of lazy asshole needs something to spray the shower cleaner for them? I mean .. a trigger bottle is SO easy.
On 08/28/07 at 6:50 am
said:
ROTFLMAO
On 08/28/07 at 8:53 am
said:
So, I bought a refill for my Scrubbing Bubbles shower cleaner the other day and couldn’t stop laughing at the warning on the back. “Not a body wash.”
This was prior to reading this blog. My comment to my husband, “ok, what dumbass tried to use this as body wash?”
Point proven.
On 08/28/07 at 10:16 am
said:
Hahaha! You gave me a good laugh for the day! I can just imagine you in the shower using your Ninja-like techniques! Thanks for the laugh!
On 08/28/07 at 4:49 pm
said:
Thank God it wasn’t a “Nair Product” hair removal and all of a sudden you go blad - in more places then one! Personally, I wouldn’t use someone else’s LOTIONS - you never know how it got there and where it really came from!
I’m glad your OK.
On 08/28/07 at 4:50 pm
said:
[quote comment="4862"]Thank God it wasn’t a “Nair Product” hair removal and all of a sudden you go bald - in more places then one! Personally, I wouldn’t use someone else’s LOTIONS - you never know how it got there and where it really came from!
I’m glad your OK.[/quote]
On 08/31/07 at 6:56 am
said:
For future reference, you have 15 seconds to get the hell out of the way. Sometimes I don’t leave until the 14th second for the adrenaline rush.
On 09/1/07 at 12:08 pm
said:
Yea man. I’m in a wheelchair and I have this chair I have to sit on while showering so one week I had to stay at my grandma’s house and I didn’t use the shower before and for some reason those damn things don’t turn off unless u beat the shit out of them. I got sprayed right in the damn eyes. I hate new showers. One place I moved into and tried to take a shower but I couldn’t figure the damn hot water because it seemed so random no matter what I tried to do. I never quite figured it out.
On 09/4/07 at 12:01 am
said:
Does it make me a bad person that I laughed my ass off at the imagery here?
Evil bubbles!
On 09/4/07 at 8:01 am
said:
Another design flaw shows up when you replace the “empty” bottle. About a quarter-inch of soap liquid stays pooled-up at the top of the white pump unit. When you snap-in the new bottle of soap, it forces all of that soap through that “V” notch just above the blue button…
Naturally, since these things hang at about face height, and you’re looking at it, you get a face full of soap.
The bottles now come with a warning (”Do not look directly at soap dispenser…”), but it’s printed upside-down, on the inside of the label.
On 09/5/07 at 4:46 pm
said:
Doesn’t anyone use bars anymore?
On 09/7/07 at 10:31 pm
said:
you would think that someone who takes time to write
blogs, would know that something that a blue, not to push it. bet your friend thought it was really funny.
Nice one
On 09/14/07 at 7:00 am
said:
haha, what a whiner you are.
So you described a situation where a device sprayed some soap on you in a shower, like you almost died?
On 09/17/07 at 5:43 pm
said:
he couldnt see dumb ass he fell back and got caught by the wall duh he almost cracked his head open duh dip shit steefie
On 11/14/07 at 9:22 pm
said:
hahah i love this…the exact same thing happened to me when my mother put one in my shower. i’m so glad i’m not the only one!
On 12/14/07 at 4:14 pm
Lord Likely said:
I feel your pain, sir.
I feel amused by it.
On 12/31/07 at 12:53 pm
Jason said:
Sorry but that is funny. When has something beeping ever been anything but a warning? Things don’t beep when everything is fine. You should have realized that no good was about to come of this.
On 04/6/08 at 7:21 pm
Corlyss said:
Just because you made the mistake of blinding yourself, doesn’t mean the product isn’t useful. Most people push buttons cautiously when they don’t know what it does; most people also realize that a beeping following the action of pressing an unfamiliar button means that something is going to happen, especially when there is a spray nozzle located on the contraption.
If you can’t tell where the spray nozzle is aimed, you either need glasses (in which case they would be no use to you in a hot shower) or a nice blinding experience to let you know how these common house-hold items work. It will serve you well for future ventures in strange showers.
Though, this all could have been avoided if you didn’t touch things you weren’t familiar with, or waited until you were out of the shower to ask your friend about it. I’m sure, in all of your search, there was another soap or body wash you could have used.
On 04/15/08 at 5:19 pm
Brandon said:
You are an idiot.
On 04/15/08 at 5:44 pm
Kevin said:
Thanks for the insightful comment on a comedy blog you jackass.
On 06/16/08 at 6:51 pm
Noelle said:
I literally had to hold onto my side I was laughing so hard as I read this.