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Aug
23

Please Keep Your Engagement Story to Yourself

By: Bobby Finstock on 08/23/07 @ 2:32 am

I was sitting and eating lunch the other day in a place that was playing a radio station that was talking about people getting engaged. They took a call from a guy that launched into a five minute story about his engagement, I will spare you the story but let me just say it involved a Beyonce song and putting a flower in the middle of roses. Now it is not that I am unromantic but hearing people’s engagement stories is one of the most annoying things ever. It is cool that people propose different ways and honestly I like to hear the story until they pass the three minute mark. Once it hits that point it is too long and probably filled with details I don’t care about.

Plus nobody does anything original anymore anyways, even if they think they are. I can get behind a walk to a romantic place and a proposal, cool. Short, sweet, romantic… great I like it. But once you start involving props and ridiculous plans you have lost my support.

Also, we never really hear really great engagement stories. Honestly the next story I hear better go like this:

So I called my girlfriend and told her to get dressed up because I was taking her out for a night on the town. When I picked her up she was all decked out, just looking amazing. She asked if we were going to the theater or a high end restaurant, I told her no, that we were going to see the opening night of the new “Rambo” movie.

dressed_up

While she was a little dejected she manned up and went with me. Shortly after the movie we decided to grab something to eat, I told her I knew a great place with a good buffet. We stopped at the Spearmint Rhino, my favorite strip club, and I got the all you can eat buffet for 15.95 each. I didn’t have enough cash on me so I made her pay with her credit card, hey she wanted to eat.

After dinner we stayed there and had a few drinks, while I ogled any girl that I could. I made sure that my girlfriend felt inferior for one reason or another to every single girl in there,you know so she would work out a little harder or develop an eating disorder to stay thin. As we drank more I thought a great idea would be to get a girl to come home with us, you know to round out the night. With very little support from my girlfriend I negotiated a deal to spend $500, my girlfriend’s new car payment, on a stripper to come home with us that night.

spearmint_rhino

When we got home my girlfriend was a little hesitant to get into the action, in fact she started to pack her bags to head to her mother’s house. I convinced her to stay and do this for me… Soon we were all naked and I made my girlfriend move her head towards the stripper no no touchy spot. She reluctantly began to stick out her tongue when she noticed the stripper’s clit ring with an engagement ring attached to it.

I asked her to be my wife while slapping her on the ass, followed by asking her to let the stripper take her with a strap on… It was a memorable night.

Now that is a hell of a lot better story to hear than a guy with a ring in some flowers and Beyonce playing in the background.

What is the worst engagement story you have ever heard?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

34 Responses to “Please Keep Your Engagement Story to Yourself”

  1. says:

    My God…genius…of course she said yes?…

  2. says:

    I haven’t ever heard any engagement stories, but damn Im all about someone asking me to marry them with a stripper and a clit ring. Plus any story that involves a strap on gets my interest!! Kudos!!

  3. says:

    OMG I doubled over in laughter reading that story……

    I hate when people talk about their engagement…its annoying. Not everyone wants to hear someones 25 min story about how they proposed or got proposed to. I have had countless friends come and tell me their tidbits and I’m like enough already. Its always really sappy bullshit really.

  4. says:

    That is the most beautiful engagement story I have ever read.

    I once had a ring on my finger, but it was not gold or silver.

  5. says:

    [quote comment="4689"]My God…genius…of course she said yes?…[/quote]

    how could anyone turn that down?

  6. says:

    [quote comment="4690"]I haven’t ever heard any engagement stories, but damn Im all about someone asking me to marry them with a stripper and a clit ring. Plus any story that involves a strap on gets my interest!! Kudos!![/quote]

    I knew it was right up your alley

  7. says:

    [quote comment="4691"]OMG I doubled over in laughter reading that story……

    I hate when people talk about their engagement…its annoying. Not everyone wants to hear someones 25 min story about how they proposed or got proposed to. I have had countless friends come and tell me their tidbits and I’m like enough already. Its always really sappy bullshit really.[/quote]

    I have heard some decent ones lately actually but they were short and not something that made me want to remove my eyeballs with a steak knife.

  8. says:

    [quote comment="4692"]That is the most beautiful engagement story I have ever read.

    I once had a ring on my finger, but it was not gold or silver.[/quote]

    Jelly?

  9. says:

    He wanted to go on a golfing trip or something with his mates.
    “You let me go away this weekend and I’ll marry you.”
    Arsehole.
    Worked. Didn’t last. :)

  10. says:

    haha, nice story Kevin. I would so like to hear that kind instead of the other stuff

  11. says:

    Oh, my friend’s engagement story gets worst place in my book. She got a ring that looked like it came out of a plastic bubble 25 cent machine, but it didn’t, it was the ring his dad gave to his mom the valentine’s day before they got divorced, it was an ugly heart made out of “rubies” with “diamonds” in the middle. I think it was one of those that you get on special for like $50 around Valentines but mostly nobody buys. Apparently he had my friend over for dinner, handed her the ring and I can’t remember the exact phrasing, but it was something like, “here, you said you wanted to get married” or something like that. Priceless, what’s worse is she accepted it at the time. Only later did she save herself from that mess.

  12. says:

    Now you know a girl like that is a true Keeper.

  13. says:

    There’s a new Rambo movie out? Shit. I better find me a new woman stat.

    Greatest. Proposal. Ever.

  14. says:

    I prefer skipping the engagement and the proposal bit. Just get married in Vegas at a drive thru so you can skip all the crap and get straight to the boozing and sex!

    I did like your story though so if I would have any proposal it would be that, me making my guy suck a male stripper though of course!
    /A

  15. says:

    Mine was memorable. “Hey hon, guess what? The rabbit died.”

    “Your rabbit died? I didn’t know you had one.” His friend smacks him in the back of the head. Glares are traded, then the lightbulb goes on. “Oh. Shit. Guess that means there’s a wedding or a hanging, which you feel up to?”

    Tasteful, romantic and short. I suppose that’s why we’re still married sixteen years later.

  16. says:

    Perfect, please tell me the stripper went down on her.

    The best/worst I saw was on an overpass on the M1 motorway in the UK. Someone had spray painted “Lisa, will you marry me” on the bridge…. would have sucked for him to drive past that every day if she said no.

  17. says:

    [quote comment="4705"]Perfect, please tell me the stripper went down on her.

    The best/worst I saw was on an overpass on the M1 motorway in the UK. Someone had spray painted “Lisa, will you marry me” on the bridge…. would have sucked for him to drive past that every day if she said no.[/quote]

    What would have been better if she spray painted no as her response…

  18. says:

    [quote comment="4707"][quote comment="4705"]Perfect, please tell me the stripper went down on her.

    The best/worst I saw was on an overpass on the M1 motorway in the UK. Someone had spray painted “Lisa, will you marry me” on the bridge…. would have sucked for him to drive past that every day if she said no.[/quote]

    What would have been better if she spray painted no as her response…[/quote]

    What’s worse is all the guys with gf’s called Lisa calling them an excepting. “YES Baby, I’ll marry you!” “whaaaa?”

  19. says:

    I think the most romantic proposals are so personal to the people involved that they wouldn’t dream of sharing it with anyone. Usually the people involved are naked at the time. I really don’t want to know about people’s intimate details.

    Flowers are always nice but not real original. There isn’t anything wrong with a little surprise, say, putting a ring in a piece of cake at dessert. But you always risk the woman swallowing the ring and getting a septic bowel infection.

    People who pull attention seeking stunts are the same people who will end up in divorce court later because they have demonstrated that they already lost the grasp of the importance of the subject.

  20. says:

    My engagement story is not romantic at all. My husband told me twice in advance that he was going to ask me to marry him (within two weeks of asking me) AND showed me the ring two days before he asked. Two days later when he actually popped the question it was a BIG surprise! riiight. ;) When he did ask it was in the middle of dinner at a restaurant and he just pulled out the ring and asked me to marry him. Short and sweet. Two hours later I dropped him off at the airport so he could fly out to his next job and I didn’t see him for the next three weeks. Nice, huh?

  21. says:

    You broke your own 3 minute rule!!

  22. says:

    Scene:

    Me: In the kitchen Christmas morning (frying up sausages), bathrobe, no makeup, hair everywhere.

    Him: Enters kitchen with one more gift. Hand weights. Ring box crammed in with weights.

    SO not romantic. SO pissed me off. I didn’t get to keep the weights.

    Lisa (not the spray paint one, dammit)

  23. says:

    whatever happened to just getting down on one knee and all nervously asking “Will you marry me?” No wonder divorce rates are so high!

  24. says:

    I like your story, but somehow I don’t think it would lower the divorce rate. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with some romance and creativity provided that you’ve been together long enough to realize love is not “pure joy” as the idiot on that eHarmony commercial says.

    I give my fiance a lot of credit for the way he proposed, especially since he saved up for it for almost 2 years and somehow kept me in the dark even after receiving blessings from my entire gossipy family: We had a Valentine’s road trip, and I picked a random place to visit. On Valentine’s, we started to go out to dinner and changed our minds. Instead, we got some grub from Wal-Mart and stayed in veggin’ out, sittin’ in the hot tub, and watchin’ the MC Hammer story. Two days later, we were having some last minute fun before we drove 1200 miles back home. We watched dolphins and took a cold, windy walk on the beach which ended with him on one knee at a sand castle reading, “Tricia, Will You Marry Me?”

    How’s that for sappy? ;)

  25. says:

    “Romantic” stories like that make me think ‘terminally single’ is a great way to go.

  26. says:

    Sounds like you’ve found your perfect match.

    Congratulations!

  27. says:

    Sorry, but I will take anyones engagement story ANY DAY over child or baby stories!

  28. says:

    hysterical

  29. says:

    This almost makes me want to get married again.

  30. says:

    i have to admit i would have totally said yes!!! that is soo sweet!! love it! bringing home a stripper!!

  31. says:

    I think the ending of the story should be: She grabs the ring with her tongue, puts the ring on the other chicks finger, says Yes to the guy, does the Strap On thing, while he watches and after she is done, passionatly kisses the female, gets up, gets dressed and starts to walk out the door with the chick, and says “Thanks for opening my eyes to the real dumb f–k you are! Thanks for the ring!” and leaves with the female.

  32. says:

    [quote comment="4766"]I think the ending of the story should be: She grabs the ring with her tongue, puts the ring on the other chicks finger, says Yes to the guy, does the Strap On thing, while he watches and after she is done, passionatly kisses the female, gets up, gets dressed and starts to walk out the door with the chick, and says “Thanks for opening my eyes to the real dumb f–k you are! Thanks for the ring!” and leaves with the female.[/quote]

    That would have been a hell of a lot better… damn it.

  33. says:

    Now THATS an engagement story. How was the wedding night?

  34. krista says:

    We went to a burger joint, he slid the ring across the table and said. “I swear I won’t fuck it up.” We’re married 4 years now. End Story :>)

    Not so bad to hear huh?

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