Me Plus Female Roommate Equals Sexy Time
There are certain things that happen in the world today that we can count on:
- Peeps come out during Easter
- Zack Braff will make a movie that makes men look like pussies
- Every week someone will show their tits and pole dance on “Rock of Love”
(Look Brett, another skank half your age is drunk and on the pole again!)
We can add one more thing to the list, if Kevin has a female roommate he will sleep with her. Since the beginning of time or when I turned 18, whatever came first, when I have had an apartment with a female roommate bad shit has happened. Today I would like to go through my history and break down how and why this repeatedly happens.
Roommate 1: Nicole- Nicole has been featured in my blog before, she is affectionately known as the craziest girl I have ever dated. You can read the background and the history of that story there, there is no need for me to rehash it again. However when I did live with Nicole I also lived with another female friend Rebbecca. Rebbecca is the only female roommate that I didn’t sleep with, when asked why for this oh so important blog entry she replied, “Where do you want me to start? First of all, I knew where you had been.”
I cut her off there, I didn’t want to know rest of the answer, I have to preserve my ego somehow.
How did it end: Nicole ended up in a mental institution and is a lesbian, way to go me.
Roommate 2: Christy- I wrote about Christy before as well but I didn’t post it here, I think it was just on my MySpace page, I was watching “Kinsey” one night in my room and noticed her in the audience in a classroom scene. I almost fell out of bed, not because I knew someone in a movie, but I could now say that I slept with someone that has an imdb.com page. That validated my entire life in some official type of way.
Christy and I both shared a common friend, that to put it mildly was completely bat shit insane. She found out that both of us needed a place to live and suggested we should be roommates. (Note to self: Never let a crazy friend try and play Realtor.) We signed the lease and moved rather quickly, the problem was that I didn’t have a way to get my furniture from my old apartment yet because I wasn’t old enough to rent a truck. So until I could get that, I was sleeping in my room in a sleeping bag. Concerned for my well being and off running around with an optometrist , Christy told me to just sleep in her bed because she wasn’t going to be around all that often.
I did that for almost a week, I had the apartment to myself which was fine. One night Christy came home in the middle of the night, so I figured I would just go back and hit the sleeping bag. Apparently she had other plans, this kind of went on for a week, all while she was still dating the optometrist. It (it=dirty monkey sex) occasionally happened after that, making it one of the oddest living arrangements ever. It was capped off with her coming home and showing me professional photos she had done of her in a school girl outfit, that one would call racy or totally ridiculously hot. She wanted to get my opinion before she gave them to her optometrist boyfriend, as they were going away for the weekend where they were going to get engaged. Yeah I can’t figure it out either.
How did it end: We broke our lease, she continued to get cheap eye exams.
Roommate 3: KT- After deciding to leave Albany, I moved back to Geneseo to live with my friends. My one friend and I decided to sublet an apartment for the summer in Geneseo while we looked for another place. We found a place through a friend of a friend, who introduced us to KT who was a girl that needed two roommates.
KT was a party girl, who was also a dance major, which meant she was bendy. After a night of drinking we came back to the apartment where my friend and I were playing another rousing edition of NHL 99. KT was hanging around talking shit, when I decided to turn to her and say, “I bet I could make you cum in under five minutes.” Within two minutes we were in her bedroom, you know where all the magic happens.
Well it didn’t happen in under five minutes, in fact I was drunk so it probably didn’t happen at all. Leaving yet another girl to sit there in bed disappointed as I roll off her, snore, and drool on her pillow. Ah, those were the days, what a regular Don Juan.
How did it end: We ended up dating for a year until she brought up the idea of me moving with her to Colorado for grad school. Because it involved commitment I had to immediately self destruct the relationship, which led to me picking up another girl at the bar and sleeping with her in her bed when she was gone on break, very mature of me.
Roommate 4: Currently this can’t be discussed, all I know is I need to find my new apartment, and um… fast.
How many of you have slept with a roommate of the opposite sex that you weren’t already dating and how did that go?
Have fun in NYC! 
On 08/16/07 at 3:11 am
said:
Wow! You go stud! Unfortunately I have never had a room mate
I am starting to realise what I’ve missed reading this!
I’ve worked since I was 16 eg. always had my own flat. Could also be the fact that when I’m not in a relationship I tend to prefer eating, drinkning beer, watching sports and sleeping over having casual sex, I’m such a stud too!
A whole pile of kudos to you, now go get that no.4!
On 08/16/07 at 3:13 am
said:
I got that number four that is the problem, believe me I am off the roommate train for a long time.
On 08/16/07 at 3:16 am
said:
Why to do Kev. Be careful of sharp objects n your sleep.
Gotta say I have neve had a roomate of the opposite sex wasnt already seeing. I guess you call that shacking up.
On 08/16/07 at 4:07 am
said:
[quote comment="4471"]Why to do Kev. Be careful of sharp objects n your sleep.
Gotta say I have neve had a roomate of the opposite sex wasnt already seeing. I guess you call that shacking up.[/quote]
Or living in Sin depending on where you live
On 08/16/07 at 4:26 am
said:
kevin the studmuffin.
you need to learn you pick your roommates more wisely and leave the crazy women alone lol
On 08/16/07 at 4:38 am
said:
Hey Kevin, seems like you’re a glutton for crazy women….give me a call sometime…lmao…All of my roomates b4 I “grew up”(age 21) were male. I never slept with them though.
On 08/16/07 at 4:45 am
said:
[quote comment="4473"]kevin the studmuffin.
you need to learn you pick your roommates more wisely and leave the crazy women alone lol[/quote]
I am not a stud, I just shoot myself in the foot and figure people like to read about my tragedy
On 08/16/07 at 4:45 am
said:
[quote comment="4474"]Hey Kevin, seems like you’re a glutton for crazy women….give me a call sometime…lmao…All of my roomates b4 I “grew up”(age 21) were male. I never slept with them though.[/quote]
I am taking applications right now
On 08/16/07 at 4:46 am
said:
Kevin, you big whore!
Um, sleep with them to GET INTO the apartment, not once you are already in it, silly!
On 08/16/07 at 4:49 am
said:
[quote comment="4477"]Kevin, you big whore!
Um, sleep with them to GET INTO the apartment, not once you are already in it, silly![/quote]
I KNEW I had it wrong
On 08/16/07 at 5:03 am
said:
My first roommate was my ex husband. He was my last, unless you count a 4 foot munchin I pushed out of my womb as a roommate.
On 08/16/07 at 5:10 am
said:
[quote comment="4479"]My first roommate was my ex husband. He was my last, unless you count a 4 foot munchin I pushed out of my womb as a roommate.[/quote]
Pushed… fell out… same thing i guess
On 08/16/07 at 5:30 am
said:
[quote comment="4480"][quote comment="4479"]My first roommate was my ex husband. He was my last, unless you count a 4 foot munchin I pushed out of my womb as a roommate.[/quote]
Pushed… fell out… same thing i guess[/quote]
What are you trying to insinuate here? Hmm?
On 08/16/07 at 5:40 am
said:
[quote comment="4481"]
What are you trying to insinuate here? Hmm?[/quote]
I have no idea, I just haven’t made a vagina joke to you in a long time.
On 08/16/07 at 5:43 am
said:
Right after my divorced I got an apartment on my own for the very first time. I had two roommates, both males. Since I was on my own for the very first time, I was doing things that I had never done before. Lots of drinking and lots of partying. Well I have a story similar to yours. Me and my roomates were all drinking and one of them said that he had never been able to get off from a girl giving him head. I was completely shit faced so my big mouths says I bet you any amount of money that I can get you off. So we started sleeping together that way, and then I moved out because I was getting stationed somewhere else so it didn’t end that badly. Oh yeah, and I did get him off from getting head.
On 08/16/07 at 5:59 am
said:
[quote comment="4483"]Right after my divorced I got an apartment on my own for the very first time. I had two roommates, both males. Since I was on my own for the very first time, I was doing things that I had never done before. Lots of drinking and lots of partying. Well I have a story similar to yours. Me and my roomates were all drinking and one of them said that he had never been able to get off from a girl giving him head. I was completely shit faced so my big mouths says I bet you any amount of money that I can get you off. So we started sleeping together that way, and then I moved out because I was getting stationed somewhere else so it didn’t end that badly. Oh yeah, and I did get him off from getting head.[/quote]
When can we hang out?
On 08/16/07 at 6:18 am
said:
Yeah i got an apartment with an ex one time, culminating with me putting my foot through the wall into the room they were having sex
~KK
in…guess i wasn’t over her yet
On 08/16/07 at 6:37 am
said:
i’ve slept with a male roommate and it wasn’t a bad thing. whenever we were both single we’d hook up. it was convenient. and we were both adult about it so it never ended up causing weirdness.
On 08/16/07 at 7:52 am
said:
[quote comment="4484"][quote comment="4483"]Right after my divorced I got an apartment on my own for the very first time. I had two roommates, both males. Since I was on my own for the very first time, I was doing things that I had never done before. Lots of drinking and lots of partying. Well I have a story similar to yours. Me and my roomates were all drinking and one of them said that he had never been able to get off from a girl giving him head. I was completely shit faced so my big mouths says I bet you any amount of money that I can get you off. So we started sleeping together that way, and then I moved out because I was getting stationed somewhere else so it didn’t end that badly. Oh yeah, and I did get him off from getting head.[/quote]
When can we hang out?[/quote]
Whenever you want..just let me know…
On 08/16/07 at 8:15 am
said:
I can not say that I’ve ever had the pleasure of sleeping with a room mate of the opposite sex. Something about my constant ass digging turns the women off.
Poke
On 08/16/07 at 9:20 am
said:
Nope never slept with my roommates. The first roommate was in his 50’s and had bad hygiene…in other words, he showered once a week. Yuck
My current roommate to me is physically repulsive. If there are going to be boobs, they’re going to be mine…not both of our…
The first roommate I got along fine with, until he moved in his pill popping psychopath of a girlfriend…otherwise he’d still be my roommate.
On 08/16/07 at 9:46 am
said:
Kevin, Kevin, Kevin… so you’ve already made your mark in Buffalo? Oy.
So, if I buy you that garbage plate doesn’t it mean you’ll try and hump me?
On 08/16/07 at 9:51 am
said:
Never had a male roommate, but when I first moved in with my boyfriend (now ex-hubby) when I was only 16 (and he was 21) his best guy friend came to visit. He lived with us in a tiny apt for about a month, the entire time my ex kept thinking we were bumping uglies just cause we got along so well and that’s when I should’ve left the focker. But looking back I don’t regret wasting all those years with the jealous needy control freak (super douche) since I at least got some great kids out of the deal. Touche. I finally grew up and learned my lesson. It just took a helluva long time!
Good luck finding a new place to lay your head.
On 08/16/07 at 10:18 am
said:
I have that “I know where you’ve been” attitude too. Can’t deal with sloppy seconds though I have had a few friends marry my “scraps”…all I can say is “ick”.
On 08/16/07 at 10:19 am
said:
[quote comment="4476"][quote comment="4474"]Hey Kevin, seems like you’re a glutton for crazy women….give me a call sometime…lmao…All of my roomates b4 I “grew up”(age 21) were male. I never slept with them though.[/quote]
I am taking applications right now[/quote]
Send me one, I will gladly apply! and you’re back in NY, so you’re close…
On 08/16/07 at 10:25 am
said:
My last roomate in college, Lauren! It all happened during a snow storm and let’s just that was like a snowball falling downhill it just got better and bigger as it went on! Although it was great, I’m gay and she’s bi so we had a very very open relationship and it actually went really well. Probably the best relationship I ever had on both sides of the fence!!
Unfortunately I moved back home to NY, she lives in RI and we are still friends and I still miss the sex with her, and the random people we would bring into it! Lesbos, gays and even questioning straights!
Uhhh good times, good times
On 08/16/07 at 10:29 am
said:
[quote comment="4476"][quote comment="4474"]Hey Kevin, seems like you’re a glutton for crazy women….give me a call sometime…lmao…All of my roomates b4 I “grew up”(age 21) were male. I never slept with them though.[/quote]
I am taking applications right now[/quote]
I’d like an application please. Thank you!
On 08/16/07 at 11:10 am
said:
[quote comment="4492"]Kevin, Kevin, Kevin… so you’ve already made your mark in Buffalo? Oy.
So, if I buy you that garbage plate doesn’t it mean you’ll try and hump me?[/quote]
Only if you are lucky
On 08/16/07 at 11:28 am
said:
I have no idea, I just haven’t made a vagina joke to you in a long time.[/quote]
Fair enough. I’m touched you cared enough to think of me.
On 08/16/07 at 12:20 pm
said:
“Peeps come out during Easter”
Actually, Peeps are available during most of the year. Just Born, the company who makes them, realized they’d be fools to not capitalize on the Peeps craze. Hell, I’ve seen Peeps coloring books and stuffed animals.
Check out all the wonderful Peeps (including pumpkins, snowmen and gingerbread men) at http://justborn.com/products/peeps.html
Shit, I focused on the wrong certainty, didn’t I?
On 08/16/07 at 4:40 pm
said:
Ahh, the room mate memories you have brought back. Mine are all good though. My favorite was when I was 20 and two guys that I played racquetball with (neither of which were my boyfriend at the time), talked me into moving into a house with them, (got a free racquetball club membership out of it)then proceeded to have 3 college boys move in with us during the school year, then 3 pro over seas basketball players move in during the off season and my girlfriend moved in as well. Yes it was a big house and yes I had my own room. A huge party every month for whatever holiday or reason we could think of. Never slept with any of them, but my girlfriends always wanted to hang out at my house…hmmm….Come to think of it, they were there when I wasn’t too. It was a blast for a few years and many a good stories came of it.
On 08/16/07 at 4:46 pm
said:
Kevin, you’re a bit of a room mate whore, now aren’t you?
I’m sadder than you though. I’m trying to get a farm job, that comes with accommodation, all because the guy I will end up living next to is hot, and I wanna do him
On 08/16/07 at 5:28 pm
said:
Kevin is and always will be living the dream..
On 08/16/07 at 6:08 pm
said:
What happened???
I thought you JUST moved?
No more girl roomates for you.
On 08/16/07 at 7:03 pm
said:
Never did have a roommate of the opposite sex either, but I did have a friend with benefits through college. He actually wanted more than that, but I didn’t. It was fun while it lasted though.
I’ve always wanted a male roommate though. It’s just never worked out that I ever had one.
On 08/16/07 at 8:42 pm
said:
For the record, I am looking for a room mate as we speak…must love big dogs. 2000 square foot house big yard. Two white doberman dogs that they need to get along with, 75 and 95 lbs…
$500.00 a month.
Just email me I guess.
On 08/16/07 at 11:53 pm
said:
Heh… I would suggest you try living alone for a while.
On 08/17/07 at 12:32 am
said:
Always take a dude as a roommate. Some guys may be weird to live with but at least the sex part usually doesn’t factor in the mix. Unless they are gay which is a whole ‘nother problem hehe.
On 08/17/07 at 6:55 am
said:
You totally are puttin a big old grin on the faces of all the Chilano and Palmer Men. You ARE the P I M P
On 08/17/07 at 10:21 pm
said:
If I didn’t have 5 other roommates already…. that’s right 5 - I live in a castle.