*************

First of all, whoever thought of this idea needs to be thrown out a window, collected off the sidewalk, scooped into a bin, then brought back inside and thrown out the window again. It’s ridiculous.
But suppose it was real? What if there actually WAS a gay bomb? I’ve seen enough post apocalyptic movies to know exactly what would happen. Cut to “Department J.O”, in the seedy underbelly of the military complex. A grizzled general stands in front of a computer screen, beaming with pride at his accomplishment. Suddenly a young private bursts into the room, his clothes torn asunder.

“SIR! SIR!”

“Dear god, man, what happened!”

“The bomb! There’s been a leak! THERE’S BEEN A LEAK!”

The general’s face whitens as his trembling hand reaches for a red telephone.

Ring – Ring.

“Mr. President? I’m sorry sir…there’s been an incident. I don’t know that we can contain it…” A single tear rolls down his eye as crazed homosexuals tear into the office. Gunshots rattle off, but it’s too late. They’re in, and they’re horny.

But the virus has mutated. It’s no longer just airborne – now it can be passed through blood and saliva. The camera zooms away from the base, as “It’s Rainin’ Men!” plays on the soundtrack. Intro credits roll.

5 years later. The virus of homosexuality has infiltrated the entire world. Every man on the planet has turned into a queer.

Except one man.

Ben Affleck stars as “Jack Canyon”, a porn star who is mysteriously unaffected by the virus. But he has to play the part, otherwise he could be killed, just for being “different”.

One day, Jack is at the local mall, shopping with a few of his friends. At curtain store (not the one on the first floor, or the one in the north wing, or the one right outside the mall, the other one), his friend Bruce says “Hey Jack, what do you think would go better with my new couch? The mauve or the tope?” Jack halfheartedly points at the mauve curtains. “The tope.”

Silence. He’s been discovered!

Blades come out, guns, clubs. Jack is on the run. He makes a wrong turn and finds himself up against a chain link fence, surrounded by angry pillowbiters. “Please…please no!” He cries.

CRACK! Suddenly a shot comes out of nowhere. A flash of steel, and within seconds Jack is surrounded by the bodies of his assailents. Three figures step from the shadows.

“Who are you?” He asks.

They remove their helmets to reveal three gorgeous women. “This world’s gonna need some baby makin’, darlin. Looks like you’re the only one that’s up for the job.”

“And we’re the only chance you got.”

CUT TO TWO HOURS OF EXPLOSIONS AND BADASS MUSIC!

If not…………

Hey did you hear that Magic Johnson has AIDS?

AND

Johnny Carson died?

Maybe next time do a blog about how Michael Jackson tossed Macaulay Culkin’s salad. That would be about as up to date as Mr. Gobachav tearing down the Berlin wall for Pepsi.

Yay! Current News!

And here I thought you were gonna expose some celebrity “coming out”. Ha ha! Richard Simmons never looked better.

yep, I believed that for years…