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On No!!!! It is the Gay Bomb!!!

By: Bobby Finstock on 08/13/07 @ 2:30 am

I think I have officially heard it all.

The Air Force wanted seven million dollars to develop a bomb that would work as an aphrodisiac which would make enemy troops irresistible to each other. I guess their logic is that once this bomb is dropped the opposing soldiers would just drop trow and start blowing each other. Maybe the kinky ones would start jamming their AK-47s in each others asses, I am not 100% on the true desired effects of this weapon.

At first glance this weapon looks worthwhile, I mean would you really be afraid of an army that looks like this?


However, when you think about this weapon being deployed there could be major negative effects for our troops.

1) It would kill the moral of our straight troops- Imagine a bunch of 19 year old guys from like the Midwest sitting around and talking about this weapon.

John: I heard they dropped the gay bomb last week.

Brian: Yeah… Did you hear what they did to our captured prisoners? I heard that they are dressing them all in assless chaps and putting ball gags in their mouth, turning them into their sex slaves.

John: Oh god… no… What happens if I get captured?

Brian: I imagine it would involve gerbils.

2) Their uniforms would be better- Remember when you were little and would play other schools or teams that had better uniforms? No matter how good of a team you had you automatically thought that other team was better because their uniforms kicked ass. It was a psychological defeat before the game actually started, this gave the other team the upper hand right out of the gate.

I guess the United States could then hire Issac Mizrahi to design their new uniforms.


Issac: Don’t you know, pink is the new green!

3) Our gays would defect- Let us revisit the conversation from point number 1.

John: I heard they dropped the gay bomb last week.

Brian: Yeah… Did you hear what they did to our captured prisoners?
I heard that they are dressing them all in assless chaps and putting
ball gags in their mouth, turning them into their sex slaves.

John: Oh god… no… What happens if I get captured?

Brian: I imagine it would involve gerbils.

John: Where is the torture in that? Let me borrow your Liza Minelli CD.

This seriously could be the dumbest idea ever. Let me know when they develop a bomb that makes the enemy think that they are all leprechauns. That is something I can truly get behind.

Gay bomb, deadliest weapon ever or dumbest idea you have ever heard?

Filed in: News

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

20 Responses to “On No!!!! It is the Gay Bomb!!!”

  1. says:

    I think dropping a huge stack of Hustler’s would be more effective and efficient.

  2. says:

    I love to see that my tax dolars are well spent.

  3. says:

    On the bright side, the women’s rights movement would take off.

  4. says:


  5. says:

    Kev’s I have seen the story of the Gay bomb. SO funny you wrote this. I would like to develop a bomb to destroy anyone on the turnpike at 8am that is not driving to work. If you are driving for vacation do it after I am in the office.

  6. says:

    I totaly agree with Angela

  7. says:

    So much for “Don’t ask, don’t tell”

  8. says:

    And here I was thinking that the “gay bomb” was something that one drops on their parents.

    Guess you showed me.

  9. says:

    the scariest part of this is that our government still believes that being gay is a choice and so therefore can just be forced on someone through the use of a “bomb”

  10. says:

    couldn’t be any gayer than believing the village people were straight…

    yep, I believed that for years…

  11. says:

    I’d like to hear the pitch that the government official had to make to sell his “gay bomb” idea. And do we even have $7 million anymore?

  12. says:

    This is what happens in our government when you mix ignorance with financial irresponsibility and add a dash of homophobia.

    And here I thought you were gonna expose some celebrity “coming out”. Ha ha! Richard Simmons never looked better.

  13. says:

    Wow. Just…wow. Military defense ideas never cease to amaze me *shakes head*

  14. says:

    Where the fuck have you been? NEWS? Maybe two months ago. Or is this a repost? I hope it’s a repost.

    If not…………

    Hey did you hear that Magic Johnson has AIDS?


    Johnny Carson died?

    Maybe next time do a blog about how Michael Jackson tossed Macaulay Culkin’s salad. That would be about as up to date as Mr. Gobachav tearing down the Berlin wall for Pepsi.

    Yay! Current News!

  15. says:

    Wait… Magic has AIDS?

  16. says:

    Heh, I posted a blog about this same subject a few months ago. And I’m even going to cut and paste it for you.


    First of all, whoever thought of this idea needs to be thrown out a window, collected off the sidewalk, scooped into a bin, then brought back inside and thrown out the window again. It’s ridiculous.
    But suppose it was real? What if there actually WAS a gay bomb? I’ve seen enough post apocalyptic movies to know exactly what would happen. Cut to “Department J.O”, in the seedy underbelly of the military complex. A grizzled general stands in front of a computer screen, beaming with pride at his accomplishment. Suddenly a young private bursts into the room, his clothes torn asunder.

    “SIR! SIR!”

    “Dear god, man, what happened!”

    “The bomb! There’s been a leak! THERE’S BEEN A LEAK!”

    The general’s face whitens as his trembling hand reaches for a red telephone.

    Ring – Ring.

    “Mr. President? I’m sorry sir…there’s been an incident. I don’t know that we can contain it…” A single tear rolls down his eye as crazed homosexuals tear into the office. Gunshots rattle off, but it’s too late. They’re in, and they’re horny.

    But the virus has mutated. It’s no longer just airborne – now it can be passed through blood and saliva. The camera zooms away from the base, as “It’s Rainin’ Men!” plays on the soundtrack. Intro credits roll.

    5 years later. The virus of homosexuality has infiltrated the entire world. Every man on the planet has turned into a queer.

    Except one man.

    Ben Affleck stars as “Jack Canyon”, a porn star who is mysteriously unaffected by the virus. But he has to play the part, otherwise he could be killed, just for being “different”.

    One day, Jack is at the local mall, shopping with a few of his friends. At curtain store (not the one on the first floor, or the one in the north wing, or the one right outside the mall, the other one), his friend Bruce says “Hey Jack, what do you think would go better with my new couch? The mauve or the tope?” Jack halfheartedly points at the mauve curtains. “The tope.”

    Silence. He’s been discovered!

    Blades come out, guns, clubs. Jack is on the run. He makes a wrong turn and finds himself up against a chain link fence, surrounded by angry pillowbiters. “Please…please no!” He cries.

    CRACK! Suddenly a shot comes out of nowhere. A flash of steel, and within seconds Jack is surrounded by the bodies of his assailents. Three figures step from the shadows.

    “Who are you?” He asks.

    They remove their helmets to reveal three gorgeous women. “This world’s gonna need some baby makin’, darlin. Looks like you’re the only one that’s up for the job.”

    “And we’re the only chance you got.”


  17. says:

    After the bomb is dropped, they can blast techno music and get them all out of their hiding places by making them dance! …. even the white guys!! LOL

  18. says:

    I dunno, if your dropping a bomb on troops that are shooting at you, the old school bomb that actually blows up and kills people seems to do a damn fine job…

  19. says:

    this could be one of the weirdest ideas ever thought. Didn’t tsun sui talk about a gay bomb in the art of war. Maybe I’m confused.

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