How to prove you are you
(Thanks for all the feedback yesterday, I am still mulling everything over but I appreciate that so many people checked in with their opinion.)
While at the DMV the other day getting my car registered for NYS, I overhead the following conversation:
Dude: Yeah so I lost my license and I know I need to show proof of who I am to get a new one.
DMV: It’s easy sir, did you bring a birth certificate or social security card.
Dude: No, I don’t know where those are. But I do have my fishing license, Sam’s Club card, and my ATM card.
DMV: How about a passport?
Dude: I don’t have one of those either. I think I have my blockbuster card with me…
DMV: Well, we kind of need official documents sir…
It broke my heart to see that we don’t recognize Sam’s Club and Blockbuster for official identity verification.
This got me thinking though, what happens if I lose all my various forms of official identification? What would I have to identify me?
(Note: there was nobody as good looking as either of these two people in my hug therapy class)
My license for being a hug therapist- In high school I went to a one day convention for students to help other students. It was how to do peer counseling and things of that nature. Basically I signed up for it to get out of school for the day because I mean really… would come come to me when you are in crisis for advice?
While there we took a class on hug therapy and how the human touch can mean so much to someone in need. At the end of the class we all got blank certificates that were pre-signed stating that we are hug therapists. I still have mine to this day and debate if I should put it on my resume as a professional license.
My collection of name badges from crappy retail jobs- I still have name badges for when I was 16 and working in a supermarket. For some reason I have kept every single name badge I have had for every crappy retail job I worked. There is no reason for me to have them anymore, but I guess if I lose my id I can throw all of them on my shirt and consider them multiple forms of identification. Well except for the fake one I made when I worked at “Going to the Game” that has my name as “Jockamo”…
All my various Supermarket cards- I have lived in multiple cities and states, for some reason I have kept all my supermarket cards from the various supermarkets in the area. For awhile in my wallet I had seven cards, for what reason I still don’t know. Maybe I will be in Albany again one day, needing to buy something that is on special, I can whip out that card and save forty cents…. sweet.
What worthless forms of identification do you have?
Frame that certificate and hang it on the wall.Make it a focal point in the room. See how many people look at ya funny……
I have a ‘Certificate of Dumb-Assy-Ness’ that a friend printed out for me in Middle School. It says that I’m a dumbass.
[quote comment="4324"]Frame that certificate and hang it on the wall.Make it a focal point in the room. See how many people look at ya funny……[/quote]
I think it will make the ladies love me
[quote comment="4325"]I have a ‘Certificate of Dumb-Assy-Ness’ that a friend printed out for me in Middle School. It says that I’m a dumbass.[/quote]
That has more value than my history degree.
I have a License to Bitch card, does that count? LOL
[quote comment="4329"]I have a License to Bitch card, does that count? LOL[/quote]
Yes it does.
I still have supermarket cards from when I lived in England. I also have frequent flyer cards for airlines that are no longer in business….. one of those fuckers owed me a flight to St. Lucia.
my most worthless is my work id… my boss even made one for his dog who accompanies him to work.
my favorite, however, is my concealed weapons permit.
Ok lets see, we have covered blockbuster, supermarket cards, So i will have to say voter regisration card (why this is considered a form of accpetable id I have no idea), my PADI dive card from 18 years ago, and last but not least – my bar card thats proves I am a lawyer. I think my 4 year old can make one just like it on her leapfrog laptop.
When I was 15 and went to England, where most swedish girls go to lose their virginity while their parents think they’re studying the language, I was too late though.
The Stockholm busses are called SL – Stockholms Lokaltrafik. The logo is on the bus pass and also a picture of you (No, not you Kevin). So we just said SL meant Swedish legitimation, the date of birth you filled in yourself. And off to the Pub we went!
5 Kudos! Now give me some hug therapy!
i don’t have nearly enough useless forms of i.d. i have my bevmo member card (of course), and a safeway club card. maybe i can make my state nameplate into a flava flav type necklace.
I still have a plaque (ha I just spell-checked that and it said plague) from the 5th grade when I wrote an essay for D.A.R.E., perhaps the DMV will take that. It’s not as prestigous as a hug therapist, but it’ll do.
I do have all my name badges from my crappy retail jobs too! I look at them sometimes and say thank god for college!
I have a certification to go scuba diving at Club Med. That’s pretty worthless since no one else will recognize it.
I hate the DMV sometimes…or all the time…whenever im there..
so i lost my license a while back for reckless operating…
I was turning 21 so i NEEDED an ID desperatly…
they pull up my record and a picture of my ID came up on the computer screen…Im like..Yup thats me! i need 1 copy of it on a non driver…IT WAS A COPY OF MY LICENSE…WITH MY PICTURE…they said “ID please” WHAT aint I here for an ID what the fuck do u mean?
so i go to city hall for a copy of my birth certificate…they tell me “ID PLEASE” GOD DAMN U SONS OF BITCHES…took me 2 hours to get both….and then they didnt even take a new picture…they kept the same one they denyed was me on their screen and gave it to me…
the DMV (and city hall) can fuck themselves stupid!
Here in Arkansas, the pictures for the licenses are saved electronically, so when I lost mine on Bourbon Street (don’t ask), all they had to do is pull it up and see that it was me. But I do have a passport, as well (2 in fact, I kept my expired one). I got that shit covered.
I have a blood donation card. Not only does it have my name, it has my blood type. Who needs more information than that?
My most useless card?
Easy.
My ‘Microsoft Certified Professional’ card.
Next!
I have an Albertson’s card, an old Sam Goody card, my Borders Rewards card, and a card proclaiming me a member of the Johnny Depp fan club from back when I was 15….I don’t know if that expired or not….
If all else fails, I’ll carry a picture frame and put it in front of my face, and say….”Here’s my I.D.”
I still have a handful of student id cards from sixth grade on, a YMCA membership card, a work badge, an expired costco card, and a couple of mother’s day gifts that don’t exactly say my name, but they say Mom, which I guess is an alias since I answer to it…
I still have my first fake id – my highschool id, which I’d stenciled a phony birthday (you know the clear plastic sheets with loads of black letters and numbers and all you do to get em off is place the sheet on top of whatever you want the letter on then color – it’s freakin magical) it worked to get me beer and cigarettes when I was 14 so I can’t imagine why the DMV wouldn’t accept that
What is with teenagers and hugs anyway? I went to a concert yesterday and there were tons of pink-haired sweaty teens with big signs saying “free hugs!” Hug therapy from some creepy punk teen would not work for me. It would make me feel dirty and disease-ridden. Sorry, but I think your hug therapist certificate is lameee.
I remember that we had one of those therapy-type days in high school. Everyone was supposed to go, unless you could manage to get your parents to sign a slip saying that you didn’t have to. I was one of three people who managed to do that. It was awesome. We basically ran the school while everyone else was in the gym “hugging it out, bitch.”
I kinda wish I had gone though, because I heard that the counselors actually made some of the tougher kids in the school cry, and that would have been funny to see.
I still have a name badge from one of my first jobs. But mostly it’s drawings of myself in various colors, surroundings and moods, all labeled Mom by a 5-yr-old.
I still have all my old name tags too. I have no idea why I saved the metal Macy’s Name Tag, other than because it states “Manager” of the domestics department. Yep. No one can fold a towel like I can.
Soo.. if I need a hug I can come to you?
I don’t understand how a birth certificate and/or a social security card can prove your identity when neither one of them has your picture on it. How does that make them official forms of ID?
I have all my various name tags from the different retail places I’ve worked too. Including the most retarded of them all, the Disney store.
I guess the most useless would be my tribal membership card. It doesn’t do anything for me except get me some crappy healthcare. *shrug*
I have my old Burger King name tag. I have my blood donor card, too!
Birth certificates really shouldn’t be official forms of ID. For a start, they don’t have your picture on it. And you can get them easily and pretend to be that person. For most things though, you need two forms of ID.
I lost my wallet, which contained my drivers licence, and my ATM card. I couldn’t get money out of my bank account without ID. I also couldn’t get a new drivers licence without ID. And neither would take a birth certificate. What are you supposed to do in that situation?
Luckily, my bank had a photocopy of my drivers licence, so eventually, after like a month they let me get a new ATM card. And they photocopied the photocopy of my licence, so I could get a new one.
It’s a lot of effort.
I have a certificate my dad made me inducting me into “The Order of the Hippopautamus” (I probably spelled that wrong, but whatever). It’s a long story, but I treasure it. Best form of ID I have.
Love the blog!
In New Jersey it’s pretty ridiculous now to get a license.They call it “the 7 points of identification” and assign various forms of ID with points.Just to renew mine I had to bring a file full of ID’s. I had my soon expiring but still valid PHOTO drivers license,a passport, my birth certificate,a bill to show proof of address and my social security card,,,,,,,,,I stood in line for an hour got to the front and was refused because I didn’t have my marriage certificate to show my name change,,,,,i said “I needed that to change all my other forms of ID before so If they all show this name whats the difference and you saw it allready when I got my last license” they said it didn’t matter I had to go get it or no license,,,assholes
I have a collection of all my past driver’s or operator’s licenses .. except for the one I lent to a friend’s friend for a night out back in college. She promptly lost it! Best license picture EVER!
My personal favorite is my moped license from age 14 or 15 … that sucker is a relic! I was wearing my precious high school letter jacket. *sigh*
I keep all my badges and shit from trade shows. I have some that say “Suck my Balls” and “Cat Fancy Magazine” from towards the end where I start drinking and feel like dicking around.