Only Douchebags Wear Tank Tops
Being back in Western, NY I get to reconnect with an idiot quotient that can only be found in the males that reside in this fine section of the state.
You see there is a disease in Western New York, the complete and utter lack of any ability for a guy to dress themselves.
Now I can barely even match my clothes or even iron, I am not going to be confused with a model at any point in the near future but my god, even I look like I know what I am doing here. This is the only state where I have seen people to continue to wear Zubaz pants well past the two weeks they were in style. (Being in style… I should change that to: a few guys thought it was a good idea to wear them.)
To sum it up, if you took the horrible look of the guidos in New Jersey and then mix it with people from Green Bay you would have the style that rules this area.
None of this really bugs me, well except for one thing, tank top wearers. For some reason when summer roles around there is a selection of guys that break out the tank tops. Now I have nothing against tank tops really, it is just this certain class of tank top wearers, they all have the same traits.
1) Inability to grow facial hair- These guys always have a mustache that looks like an anorexic caterpillar crawled onto their upper lip and died. I don’t get why they continue to attempt to grow their facial hair?
2) They have short spiky hair- It always is comprised of so much hair gel that you wonder if they are using half the bottle on it. If they were tilted on their axis and rammed into your stomach the wounds could be fatal.
3) They all smoke- Marlboro reds apparently make you 13% tougher.
I was leaving the driving range at a golf course the other day and there were three guys all fitting the description above, they were walking together in a scene out of a derelict version of “Reservoir Dogs”. It was like a triple play of douchebagness that could never be topped… They thought they were so tough, so cool, well until the golf course turned them away because they weren’t wearing collared shirts.
Society- 1
Douchebags- 0
Well until they go home and father 10 kids and begin to water down the population.
wow wait im first!! Well I agree, f-in douchebags
But then yet again I have a closet full of tank tops….I hope I dun look like them.
[quote comment="4102"]But then yet again I have a closet full of tank tops….I hope I dun look like them.[/quote]
Do you spike your hair and have crappy facial hair as well?
No fortunately I’m a female and I wear tanks because they prop up my boobs….lol
I’m a douchebag! I’ve never managed to grow a proper moustache and I wear tank tops all summer. I might not have spiked hair but it’s curly enough for any one to get lost in there.
Kudos my man!
[quote comment="4105"]I’m a douchebag! I’ve never managed to grow a proper moustache and I wear tank tops all summer. I might not have spiked hair but it’s curly enough for any one to get lost in there.
Kudos my man![/quote]
I’d like to get lost in your curly hairs!!
Living in western NY I definitely have to agree with you. The douchebag quotient is very high here. Between the tank tops in the summer, and the camoflauge hunting stuff in winter I don’t know which is worse though.
the only thing worse than a guy in a tank top is a guy i a muscle shirt. i actually saw a guy last week in a muscle shirt that was cut all the way down the side. remember that? luckily, i was with my nephew and i got him to do the, “really? no, really?” thing to the guy. i think i laughed for like 15 minutes.
Jeez, tank tops omn a golf course. Sounds like the winners of the IQ lottery and they spilt to winnings so each could have a piont or three.
Around here you have to add camo pants or better camo cut offs.
Really, I find the tank top guys sexy, especially when mixed with a fake gold chain and man capri’s or basketball shorts worn down to the calves. That’s especially hot.
[quote comment="4115"]Really, I find the tank top guys sexy, especially when mixed with a fake gold chain and man capri’s or basketball shorts worn down to the calves. That’s especially hot.[/quote]
Throw in a hat placed 28 degrees slanted perfectly sideways, and you get a good portion of southeast Michigan male douchebags, too.
These same guys exsist in Maryland except they are a lot more white trash.
Hey why knock on someone for making a statement.
btw.. had no idea what zubazs were. Had to scroll up twice to make sure I spelled it right..
hmmm…
well, my husband does own some…
but,
a)He has the complete ability to grow a full beard if he so chooses (i’ve seen it…)
b)He doesn’t spike his hair anymore cuz he doesn’t have any.
c)He quit smoking 5 years ago.
d) it’s so damn hot here in Florida some days nothing else will do!
(but i have to admit, it’s not my favorite look)
that being said…do white wife-beaters count in this category??
cuz L.L. Cool J and the like look damn FINE with the tight white beater on.
and the bling.
Get out of the house…
This blog would have been cool 5 years ago when dorks actually did wear Zubaz, but even the dorks have laid off now.
If I had Zubaz, id wear them
I think we need a picture of Isha in a tank top. I really do
[quote comment="4121"]Get out of the house…
This blog would have been cool 5 years ago when dorks actually did wear Zubaz, but even the dorks have laid off now.[/quote]
I have seen three people wearing them since I moved back here… Less than ten days and three pairs… Come on now.
[quote comment="4112"]Living in western NY I definitely have to agree with you. The douchebag quotient is very high here. Between the tank tops in the summer, and the camoflauge hunting stuff in winter I don’t know which is worse though.[/quote]
It is simply amazing to me… Although I am going to miss the hispanic gangster look that only so cal can provide
[quote comment="4123"]If I had Zubaz, id wear them
I think we need a picture of Isha in a tank top. I really do[/quote]
I wouldn’t argue with that
[quote comment="4113"]the only thing worse than a guy in a tank top is a guy i a muscle shirt. i actually saw a guy last week in a muscle shirt that was cut all the way down the side. remember that? luckily, i was with my nephew and i got him to do the, “really? no, really?” thing to the guy. i think i laughed for like 15 minutes.[/quote]
Can I take your nephew for a week, we would run roughshod over western ny
[quote comment="4115"]Really, I find the tank top guys sexy, especially when mixed with a fake gold chain and man capri’s or basketball shorts worn down to the calves. That’s especially hot.[/quote]
I totally forgot the faux gold… and the shots… good calls on both of them
[quote comment="4116"][quote comment="4115"]Really, I find the tank top guys sexy, especially when mixed with a fake gold chain and man capri’s or basketball shorts worn down to the calves. That’s especially hot.[/quote]
Throw in a hat placed 28 degrees slanted perfectly sideways, and you get a good portion of southeast Michigan male douchebags, too.[/quote]
I am so not moving there
[quote comment="4118"]Hey why knock on someone for making a statement.
btw.. had no idea what zubazs were. Had to scroll up twice to make sure I spelled it right..[/quote]
I think only four cities have people that own them
[quote comment="4119"]hmmm…
well, my husband does own some…
but,
a)He has the complete ability to grow a full beard if he so chooses (i’ve seen it…)
b)He doesn’t spike his hair anymore cuz he doesn’t have any.
c)He quit smoking 5 years ago.
d) it’s so damn hot here in Florida some days nothing else will do!
(but i have to admit, it’s not my favorite look)
that being said…do white wife-beaters count in this category??
cuz L.L. Cool J and the like look damn FINE with the tight white beater on.
and the bling.[/quote]
He is totally okay to wear them… he is out of the woods because he doesn’t have those other three issues
my uncle is going to be soooooooooooooo pissed you were makin’ fun of him.
i’m just saying….
Pshh here in Missouri, EVERYBODY’s smoking a Marlboro (or a Newport in St. Louis…) and there’s nothing but tank tops once it gets semi-warm outside.
I have seen a cowboy in a tank top, along with most of those unqualities. superdouche is real.
Were they spiked mullets… come to CNY and that is still a big thing for the white trash, that and their stained wife beaters. It is so HOT! (gagging)
You mean like a John Waters mustache? ‘Cause that would definitely not go good with a tank top.
I smoke Marlboro Reds, because they do, in fact, make me 13% tougher.
Does that make me a douchebag?
I also wear tank tops.
Then again, I am a female, so I think that part is considered appropriate, and is even recommended.
I also find it appropriate to mention that in my area of the world, douchebags are different from the tanktop wearers.
In fact, I went on a date with who must’ve been the King of all Douchebaggery because he encompassed every image of douchebagness that my friend and I point out to each other as we drive places.
This guy drives a HUGE black pick up truck that says “paisano” across the windshield. He wears long sleeve dress shirts, with a shirt underneath when it’s about 90 degrees out, jeans that look like they’ve been ironed to perfection, and a baseball hat, tilted slightly to one side.
The douchebag vibe is so strong around him, he might as well have “dick” across the windshield of his Ford Overcompensator, instead of “paisano.”
Ha, its the Kevin Federline look. Love the grease…
The stupid slanting hat thing makes me want to slap them. With a shovel.
Congrats on your great review at humor-blogs.com, btw!
[quote comment="4143"]The stupid slanting hat thing makes me want to slap them. With a shovel.
Congrats on your great review at humor-blogs.com, btw![/quote]
Thank you good sir… Shovel justice is the only way to go.
So true, so true. I knew this guy from Buffalo who wore the pants, tank top and spiky hair all at the same time. Of course that was over ten years ago, but I bet he hasn’t changed much. My mother in law wants us to move out to Rochester…….. I think I would go nuts. By the way, you passed right by my house when you drove through northern az.
[quote comment="4145"]So true, so true. I knew this guy from Buffalo who wore the pants, tank top and spiky hair all at the same time. Of course that was over ten years ago, but I bet he hasn’t changed much. My mother in law wants us to move out to Rochester…….. I think I would go nuts. By the way, you passed right by my house when you drove through northern az.[/quote]
The polygamist compound?
I live in NW Pennsylvania and I can completely agree with your thoughts on the comment aesthetic, with a twist. In my neck of the woods, you also have to deal with camo, everywhere you look.
I particularly agree with the caterpillar moustache comment. I think 95% of all men under the age of 40 are afflicted. Maybe it’s a law, like the amish not allowing beards unless you’re married. On a side note..have you ever seen an amish person up close? All I can say is eww.