"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."

Jul
30

Trip Notes: Colorado, Kansas, Indiana

By: Bobby Finstock on 07/30/07 @ 4:00 pm

I made it to B-Lo in one piece, I just wanted to finish up the last of the road notes before I launched into some of the longer posts I have been working on…

Screaming Topeka every time you see it on a road sign helps keep your focusing during a long drive… It is scientifically proven.

In Missouri there was a billboard for “Passions: Adult Superstore and Party Supply Store”… Now this confuses me a little bit? Can I buy Buzz Lightyear hats and party favors as well as the latest edition of “Supermarket Skanks”? I think they might need to clear up the sign a little bit.

While in Colorado I went underwear shopping with my friend Tori, where I learned the best way to make everyone in Victoria Secrets feel totally uncomfortable.

Me: Hey Honey, I think you would look really good in these.
Tori: Don’t act like an idiot.
Me: Sorry Daughter….

The entire collection of females around the underwear table quickly walked away.

I wonder how much they paid for that billboard:
In Kansas there was a porn superstore, immediatly next to the porn superstore was a billboard that said “Porn destroys, Jesus Saves”

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

19 Responses to “Trip Notes: Colorado, Kansas, Indiana”

  1. says:

    The only way that conversation could have been worse is if you were with a dude and you said…”Sorry son”…

  2. says:

    I believe the only reason Kansas was invented was so those of us traveling through it could lose our sanity amongst the adult bookstores and mirages of civilization that turned out to be just another run down truck stop. It is undoubtedly THE longest drive EVER. I used to live in Ohio and now live in Colorado, so I’ve made the trip several billion times. During one trip…I actually convinced myself that the truckers were out to get me. And they were. And they did.

    Help.

  3. says:

    [quote comment="3903"]I believe the only reason Kansas was invented was so those of us traveling through it could lose our sanity amongst the adult bookstores and mirages of civilization that turned out to be just another run down truck stop. It is undoubtedly THE longest drive EVER. I used to live in Ohio and now live in Colorado, so I’ve made the trip several billion times. During one trip…I actually convinced myself that the truckers were out to get me. And they were. And they did.

    Help.[/quote]

    it is the most boring drive imaginable

  4. says:

    [quote comment="3902"]The only way that conversation could have been worse is if you were with a dude and you said…”Sorry son”…[/quote]

    that would have been at least 20 percent creepier

  5. says:

    [quote comment="3903"]I believe the only reason Kansas was invented was so those of us traveling through it could lose our sanity amongst the adult bookstores and mirages of civilization that turned out to be just another run down truck stop. It is undoubtedly THE longest drive EVER. I used to live in Ohio and now live in Colorado, so I’ve made the trip several billion times. During one trip…I actually convinced myself that the truckers were out to get me. And they were. And they did.

    Help.[/quote]

    I thought it was made for ” the Wizard of OZ”!

  6. says:

    I am lost, what is B-Lo? And you couldn’t detour a few hours for Arkansas? Dork!
    :)

  7. says:

    [quote comment="3919"]I am lost, what is B-Lo? And you couldn’t detour a few hours for Arkansas? Dork!
    :) [/quote]

    Buffalo :)

  8. says:

    I used to live in colorado and had family in Iowa and made the trip through Kansas ONE time….after that I took the Nebraska route but its not too much better.

  9. says:

    Ewww, on the VS thing…though you could have said, “fine, I’ll put it in my ‘try on’ pile…” =) and that would have been sufficiently gross. =)

  10. says:

    As someone who has done many road treks across Kansas and Missouri, I have actually seen all of the things you mentioned. I tried taking a picture of the porn stores with the billboard, but my camera was too slow. And there are so many porn places across America called “passions”. You would think they would come up with something original like “Anal Superstore” or “Sluts Here”. I mean really…

  11. says:

    You didn’t snap a photo of the billboards. I would have peed myself laughing so hard!

  12. says:

    You’re home? Oh shit..

  13. says:

    haha, that was funny.

  14. says:

    Are you making a point to drive through all the crappy neighborhoods on your drive, or does your car have a porn magnet in it?

  15. says:

    B-Lo, dude?

  16. says:

    yea i have totally seen those billboards..they are right around manhattan…i totally live around there..CRAZY.

  17. says:

    Hey, don’t forget…we also got my oil changed and said inappropriate things in front of a nun. Those were super fun too. I know your whole ambition was to go to my car dealership. You can’t hide it.

  18. says:

    Screaming Topeka! Thanks for the tip. :)

  19. says:

    Was the porn superstore on I-70 between Salina and Hays, or was it the one in Abilene? I think I know the locations of all porn superstores in my immediate area, in case you need to know for future reference…lol. Yes, unfortunately, I’m in Kansas.

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