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Trip Notes: Phoenix

By: Bobby Finstock on 07/25/07 @ 4:04 am

Originally my trip across country was supposed to be a leisurely saunter but now it has turned into, “Get your ass back to New York because you are playing in a golf tournament with us on Sunday.” So I am cutting my visits short and rushing back to New York, otherwise I will never hear the end of it. I am about to head towards Denver in another hour so I figured I would give everyone an update…

Here are some of my random notes from the road:

-Phoenix is one of the fastest growing cities in the United States, after experiencing their 109 degree heat and examining the giant concrete slab that is the city I can see why. You know a city isn’t right for you when you step out of the car and you have ass crack sweat within thirty seconds.

strip mall

-What is the deal with so many doctors and dentists setting up shop in mini-malls? This is something that I have only seen in Arizona and California… I honestly don’t get it. There was one plaza that had a subway, a super cuts, a chuck e cheese, and a kidney dialysis place… Doesn’t that kind of crush their credibility? Nothing says a serious medical treatment like crappy subs, bad haircuts, and screaming kids watching animatronic mice.

-My favorite place I drove by: A converted gas station turned into a porn emporium where you can buy 4 DVDS for twenty dollars… WITH NO LIMIT TO YOUR PURCHASE. The4 for $20 was enough of a hook but no limit on my purchase? Can I just send them direct deposit?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

13 Responses to “Trip Notes: Phoenix”

  1. says:

    Oh man! For your sake I hope you got me some of that porn! Let me know when you can send it and I’ll mail you my address.

    Try and not rush home, golf is not a reason to rush… ever!



  2. says:

    I dunno. Personally I’d love to be able to drop off dry cleaning, get a haircut, and visit my doctor, then pick up a little Taco Bell all in the same stop. Sure there’s a sort of truck stop feel to it, but…it’s definitely efficient.

  3. says:

    4 for 20? good deal. all you need next was a drive-thru liquor store and you’re set

  4. says:

    Ah yes… the infamous “Swamp Ass Effect” I just visited Phoenix 2 weekends ago and was not impressed. I’m not a heat type of girl… give me 75 degree weather with a breeze and I’ll be happy. If so, why do I like in Texas? Hmmm..

  5. says:

    Oy. Good luck with that porn thing, dude! Have a safe rest of your trip and good luck in the golf game.

    As for the docs and dentists, one can only speculate as to the reason they move into strip malls. However, I’ve known quite a few who have been dislocated from their offices due to developing and needed a place quick and used these as a temporary location until their new offices were done.

  6. says:

    I know of a crematorium in a mall in Florida. Florida is crazy.

  7. says:

    By the looks of that picture, you were in a shitty part of town.

    Hey – the high in Phoenix yesterday was 95! Granted, it was raining for half the day and was pretty humid, but 99% of the people here will take that over 112 degrees with low humidity.

    But the swamp-ass factor does indeed suck balls. I guess you get used to it, though.

  8. says:

    Travel swiftly and don’t ever stop in Phoenix again. Flagstaff, however, is gorgeous and has the best Italian restaurant I’ve ever been to. In Denver, if you want a fucked up bar experience, visit Mario’s Double Daughter Salotto.

  9. says:

    Porn is the best….we were just talking about it at work!

  10. says:

    Direct deposit for porn…. that could catch on. “I’d like 20% of my check withheld for porn.”

  11. says:

    My very experienced, favorite and wonderful dentist is sandwiched between La-Z-Boy and Quizno’s. Haha.

  12. says:

    Every Taco Bell should have a doctor’s office within a few yards.

  13. says:

    What I noticed about Phoenix: most businesses where housed in buildings were it was obvious that was not the original intent of the building. Such as a bank in a former Chinese restaraunt. Also, pawn and gun shops everywhere. And no sense of neighborhood identity. Just a big ole messy hodgepodge. Not offence, Phoenicians- but a culteral wasteland.

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