A New, Um, Food?

There has been a disturbing trend for years now in which our food is becoming less and less…food-like.  It started with stuff like Pop-tarts (mmm Pop-tarts) and progressed through “maple syrup” that is really just artificially flavored Corn Syrup, green Ketchup, Lunchables (a Pizza lunchable, are you kidding me?), Oreo sticks you dip into an artificial sugar cream, and on and on ad nausea.

But this my friends may be an all time low.  Behold the Cereal Straw:

No, that is not an optical illusion.  They are straw made from “cereal” (term used ever so loosely) wrapped around a hard tube of sugar.  You literally put the straw into milk, drink the milk, and bite off a piece of the straw.  According to this description, they’re also oddly similar to The Donk’s genitalia:

I hate to sound like an old fogey, but can’t we just go back to the good ol’ days, when we fed our kids…like, food and stuff?  Why do we feel like we have to endlessly entertain them, even when they’re eating?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go finish eating my bag of Shrek-Green Doritos and wash it down with this cool, crisp bottle of Coca-Cola Blak.  Mmmmm, fake coffee and diet soda.

Sources: www.theimpulsivebuy.com, www.cabel.name