Sports that will turn your daughter into a lesbian
In my in depth analysis of sports, women, and culture I have come to a conclusion that some sports will turn your daughter into a lesbian. (not that there is anything wrong with that)
Here is what I have come up with, a list of safe and unsafe sports for all the parents out there:
gymnastics- Your daughter will basically be kept in a permanent state of pre-teen because she will never get her period, gymnasts are the equivalent of veal. Great sport to get your kid into if you want to keep her as Daddy’s little girl until she is like thirty.
softball- If she plays in the middle infield or center field you are safe, same with pitcher. However if she is the catcher well you may want to starting sniffing the bats in the equipment bag, both ends.
swimming- A safe sport but your daughter will develop a rock hard body and will have no problem showing it off… Right Amanda Beard?
figure skating- see swimming
basketball- If your daughter breaks 5′10″ and starts to play hoops don’t plan on giving a boy the “I have a gun, a shovel, and nobody will miss you” speech. She will be having a lot of “sleep overs” at other girls homes for the rest of her life.
soccer- Soccer and volleyball are the safest team sports. However you aren’t out of the woods on this one, soccer players usually have the most casual of moral attitudes and have very few boundaries. While you may have cleared the lesbian bomb, the dirty whore area is a total possibility.
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On 07/11/07 at 5:25 am
said:
so true on the soccer playing dirty whores. i played for 20 years. and i am pretty sure that once you step on a softball diamond you immediately heart snatch.
On 07/11/07 at 5:27 am
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[quote comment="3157"]so true on the soccer playing dirty whores. i played for 20 years. and i am pretty sure that once you step on a softball diamond you immediately heart snatch.[/quote]\par
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I knew that… I could smell that on you
On 07/11/07 at 5:28 am
said:
When I was growing up my dad got me into sports at a very early age, I played soccer softball(and i played catcher), and basketball. Mostly not by choice….I guess thats the reason I have a thing for girls now
On 07/11/07 at 5:33 am
said:
[quote comment="3159"]When I was growing up my dad got me into sports at a very early age, I played soccer softball(and i played catcher), and basketball. Mostly not by choice….I guess thats the reason I have a thing for girls now[/quote]\par
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The theory continues to hold true
On 07/11/07 at 5:35 am
said:
I’m glad my 2 girls never played sports and haven’t had any lesbian tendencies, now if they could stop hookin up with assholes that woul be great, the sports thing doesn’t seem so bad to me now!
On 07/11/07 at 5:37 am
said:
[quote comment="3162"]I’m glad my 2 girls never played sports and haven’t had any lesbian tendencies, now if they could stop hookin up with assholes that woul be great, the sports thing doesn’t seem so bad to me now![/quote]\par
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It is a no win situation having daughters isn’t it?
On 07/11/07 at 5:40 am
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Damn - you pegged it on soccer players - girls or boys and the lax, or no exisitant moral compass.\par
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I have to say I watched the softball college world series between the baseball world series games. Some of those players were very good looking and other looked like the old Soviet track and field players. I did wonder as i watched which team they batted for so to speak and which might be switch hitters.
On 07/11/07 at 5:40 am
said:
Well gee, with so few options left I guess my daughters will have to play Rugby.
On 06/14/08 at 2:56 pm
Linda said:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh! NOT RUGBY! My daughter (a petite/beautiful girl with some self-esteem problems)took the bait. She’d played softball all through middle and high school (very well) and Rugby (even better) through college and then after. Not saying this caused her to become a lesbian but it sure didn’t help. And with Rugby they are constantly getting the s**t kicked out of them and vice versa. So what does that say?
On 07/11/07 at 5:42 am
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How about if she’s a hardcore hockey fan but doesn’t have the stamina to play sports.\par
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On 07/11/07 at 5:45 am
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[quote comment="3166"]How about if she’s a hardcore hockey fan but doesn’t have the stamina to play sports.\par
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>.>[/quote]\par
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You don;t want to raise a puck bunny
On 07/11/07 at 5:46 am
said:
[quote comment="3164"]Damn - you pegged it on soccer players - girls or boys and the lax, or no exisitant moral compass.\par
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I have to say I watched the softball college world series between the baseball world series games. Some of those players were very good looking and other looked like the old Soviet track and field players. I did wonder as i watched which team they batted for so to speak and which might be switch hitters.[/quote]\par
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I love watching the women’s softball and playing the game “lesbian or strictly dickly” it is a summer pastime.
On 07/11/07 at 5:47 am
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[quote comment="3165"]Well gee, with so few options left I guess my daughters will have to play Rugby.[/quote]\par
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I don’t have Rugby breakdown
On 07/11/07 at 5:47 am
said:
I’m back! I know you thought you were safe but no!\par
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I must give kudos for the Technorati Tag “Double end bat use” Awesome!\par
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/A.I
On 07/11/07 at 5:52 am
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[quote comment="3170"]I’m back! I know you thought you were safe but no!\par
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I must give kudos for the Technorati Tag “Double end bat use” Awesome!\par
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/A.I[/quote]\par
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You never know who is going to be searching for that topic
On 07/11/07 at 6:12 am
said:
[quote comment="3171"]\par
You never know who is going to be searching for that topic[/quote]\par
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You can always rest assure that I will at some point! Just had an awesome weeks vacation with my myspace hotty since you didn’t show up as planned. Hope you didn’t miss me too much!\par
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Kudos again!
On 07/11/07 at 6:14 am
said:
What about Field Hockey and Lacrosse, two very intense sports needed by Butch Dykes, I mean Butch girls.
On 07/11/07 at 6:32 am
said:
i thin lacrosse is a safe sport…not so sure about field hockey though lolz
On 07/11/07 at 6:33 am
said:
I’m sending my girls to the old East German weightlifting camps. Is that still safe?
On 07/11/07 at 6:36 am
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I opted for marijuana, partying, and boys instead of sports. \par
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Mostly because I didn’t like girls in HS.\par
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It was that or BAND.
On 07/11/07 at 6:52 am
said:
So, what will Hockey do to a little girl?
On 07/11/07 at 6:53 am
said:
I don’t do sports, and neither do my daughters.\par
But I catch your drift.\par
One of my best friends has played soccer since Jr High and she’s in her 40’s. She’s married with kids and all, but when someone meets her, they kinda wonder if she’s a tiny bit gay. One time she got drunk and said she’d make out with me. So go figure.
On 07/11/07 at 7:04 am
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[quote comment="3173"]What about Field Hockey and Lacrosse, two very intense sports needed by Butch Dykes, I mean Butch girls.[/quote]\par
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I don’t have studies done of those sports… the jury is still out
On 07/11/07 at 7:05 am
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[quote comment="3176"]I’m sending my girls to the old East German weightlifting camps. Is that still safe?[/quote]\par
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I can’t wait to see the amount of back hair they end up with
On 07/11/07 at 7:07 am
said:
[quote comment="3177"]I opted for marijuana, partying, and boys instead of sports.\par
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Mostly because I didn’t like girls in HS.\par
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It was that or BAND.[/quote]\par
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and we know where you would have stuck the flute
On 07/11/07 at 7:07 am
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[quote comment="3179"]So, what will Hockey do to a little girl?[/quote]\par
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I am not sure about female hockey players…
On 07/11/07 at 7:08 am
said:
[quote comment="3180"]I don’t do sports, and neither do my daughters.\par
But I catch your drift.\par
One of my best friends has played soccer since Jr High and she’s in her 40’s. She’s married with kids and all, but when someone meets her, they kinda wonder if she’s a tiny bit gay. One time she got drunk and said she’d make out with me. So go figure.[/quote]\par
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Did you let her?
On 07/11/07 at 7:26 am
said:
[quote post="602"]I opted for marijuana, partying, and boys instead of sports.\par
Mostly because I didn\’e2\’80\’99t like girls in HS.\par
It was that or BAND.\par
and we know where you would have stuck the flute[/quote]\par
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Yeah just one more example where promescuity, drinking, and weed saved the day. \par
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I should do a PSA.
On 07/11/07 at 7:26 am
said:
Eureka! So being a gymnast for 11 years is the real reason I indulged in bisexual behavior in college. Who’d ‘ave thunk it? Well, Kevin did. My parents would have blessed you for this knowledge years ago. I’ll never forget the scene of my mom coming to save me from dating Katie…LOL! I love how gymnastics was number one…still laughing…\par
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Have to admit I still love dancing with women and the flirting, but married so play time is over. Unless we can agree on a friend.
On 07/11/07 at 8:00 am
said:
Golf?
On 07/11/07 at 8:11 am
said:
I ran track, did synchronized swimming, comp swimming and ballet….. what does that mean?
On 07/11/07 at 8:20 am
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i was a catcher for 10 years….i guess not everyone goes lesbo
On 07/11/07 at 8:25 am
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How could you forget rugby!?
On 07/11/07 at 8:28 am
said:
[quote comment="3189"]\par
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Have to admit I still love dancing with women and the flirting, but married so play time is over. Unless we can agree on a friend.[/quote]\par
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Kinky
On 07/11/07 at 8:29 am
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[quote comment="3194"]Golf?[/quote]\par
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Well they did use to call it dykes on spikes
On 07/11/07 at 8:30 am
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[quote comment="3195"]I ran track, did synchronized swimming, comp swimming and ballet….. what does that mean?[/quote]\par
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A flexible dirty pirate hooker
On 07/11/07 at 8:31 am
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[quote comment="3196"]i was a catcher for 10 years….i guess not everyone goes lesbo[/quote]\par
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Sure they don’t… sure they don’t
On 07/11/07 at 8:32 am
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[quote comment="3197"]How could you forget rugby!?[/quote]\par
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I don’t know that many female rugby players…
On 07/11/07 at 9:33 am
said:
I was a softball catcher and I’m no lesbian.
On 07/11/07 at 10:20 am
said:
The funniest movie where it addresses that stereotype was “Bend It Like Beckham”
On 07/11/07 at 10:23 am
said:
I never played sports in my life. But I engaged in lesbian experiments… erm up to about two years ago. But I am thinking about doing a threesome with my boyfriend. The thing is, he’s unsure about it.. lol go figure.
On 07/11/07 at 10:32 am
said:
I played softball, both right field and catcher. Is that why I am bi?
On 07/11/07 at 10:41 am
said:
Aw man! I’m one of the biggest lesbians around! And I thought softball was well…..too gay.\par
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But I played Basketball (I’m not 5′10 lol.), and feild hockey.\par
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I guess I just wound up being gay. lol. \par
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Then again, being lesbian does have its down fall, I did date a few lunatics.
On 07/11/07 at 10:56 am
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This is the dumbest thing I’ve read in a long time. \par
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How can you take it seriously? \par
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This is a joke right?
On 07/11/07 at 11:01 am
said:
[quote comment="3200"][quote comment="3195"]I ran track, did synchronized swimming, comp swimming and ballet….. what does that mean?[/quote]\par
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A flexible dirty pirate hooker[/quote]\par
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You wish. I’m a dyke.
On 07/11/07 at 3:34 pm
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Well, as long as football is still safe…
On 07/11/07 at 4:35 pm
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[quote comment="3215"]This is the dumbest thing I’ve read in a long time.\par
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How can you take it seriously?\par
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This is a joke right?[/quote]\par
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I’m talking about catchers using baseball bats as sexual devices… you think I am being serious? Idiot
On 07/11/07 at 8:09 pm
said:
What does wrestling in big vats of Jello turn you into?
On 07/12/07 at 4:13 am
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[quote comment="3227"]What does wrestling in big vats of Jello turn you into?[/quote]\par
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My favorite girl in the world
On 07/15/07 at 6:01 am
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I would like to add competitive cunnilingus to the list, ever since my daughter started she has been getting gayer and gayer. She is starting to look like Mary Cheney and I have begun to look under her bed for turkey basters.
On 07/16/07 at 8:26 pm
said:
This is exactly why I don’t do sports. And why I don’t have kids.\par
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Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course !
On 07/29/07 at 6:12 pm
said:
Laughing hysterically because I was a pitcher for 14 years playing softball and my girlfriend played soccer. We both in college, so I think an important thing to add is if you play in college and how competitive your team was. If you didn’t play women’s college sports, would be surprised in the dramatic difference in the numbers of lesbian and bisexual women athletes between high school/club teams and college teams…
On 06/14/08 at 6:14 pm
Kevin said:
that she likes it rough