If I was Black I would hate Hollywood
I watch a lot of movies, I pretty much have Netflix movies coming in and going out constantly from my house. There is something I have been kind of paying attention to for awhile now, the niche market that Hollywood has for “urban” cinema. If I was black I would totally hate Hollywood because they basically make movies that totally paint African Americans into a typical stereotype. To me I am shocked that they don’t have the characters only eating fried chicken and watermelon to finish everything off. When you look at the movies they are putting out it really is kind of insulting.
It seems like there are four types of movies that they make with mostly black casts, here are the four types I have narrowed it down to… oh as an added bonus for the white folks out there I gave you what the “white movie equivalent” would be:
4) Dancin’ or Steppin’ or something that rhythmically challenged white people can’t do
These movies are all the same, here is the formula-
New dude in town/loner/hard case moves to an area that has this special subculture that he doesn’t fit into. He gravitates towards that subculture and eventually fits in mixing his talents with theirs. Of course there are rivals for the group he blends in with so they must settle their differences with a dance off/stomp off/drum line or whatever.
Plus there is always a girl that he has to impress that believes in him and usually has a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend in the rival group.
White movie equivalent= Karate Kid
3) Sassy Fat Black Girl Does Something Good In Her Life
For the older crowd this role is usually filled by Queen Latifah for the younger crowd it is Mo’Nique. This begs the question, is there a girl somewhere that her mother is shaping her into the next generation of fat sassy black girl? Doesn’t Mo’Nique need someone to pass the torch to?
Girl: Mom, I am full.
Mom: Damn you girl, you are eating that second Big Mac, we can’t go on without the next generation of sassy black girls.
Girl: I seriously hope you die in your sleep.
Mom: That is the sass I am looking for baby, we just need the fat.
Every single one of these movies has a “skinny bitch” line, it is required by law.
White movie equivalent= Ugly girl turns into a hot chick and gets revenge.
2) The over the top sports movie
Apparently there are like 5,000 street ball movies that I have never even heard of. I just saw a preview for one before watching “Gridiron Gang” and Wayne Brady is in it. Who the hell is the producer of that? NOTHING says streetball like Wayne Brady… NOTHING.
White movie equivalent= Over the top sports movie about Baseball or Hockey
1) A movie about weed
I admit I love some of the “weed” movies, “Half Baked” and “Friday” mixed in with a little Cheech and Chong is always good for your movie collection. But how many movies do we need past that? Also, is it required for Snoop to make a cameo in anything that even mentions weed? Is there a special weed signal that goes up in the air once they are ready to start casting to alert Snoop they need him? Does he have a contract with every studio ever saying he is required to make a cameo appearance, how does this work exactly?
White movie equivalent= A movie with a lovable drunk character… Chris Tucker is the African American equivalent of Dudley Moore.
Can you see why I said I would be pissed if I was black? I think I have seen two movies in the last year that has deviated from this plan, “Dreamgirls” but that was really made for older people, black or white, that wanted to relive Motown. The other was the one where an African American girl who has a high powered job falls in love with her landscape designer who was white, I guess it could fall into a fifth category in the “Stella Got Her Groove Back” type of mode but I don’t think there is enough of them to classify as a category.
Am I crazy or is there something here?
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On 07/10/07 at 5:40 am
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fist!?
On 07/10/07 at 5:42 am
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I saw stomp the yard. As a white, british twentysomething, middle class, overweight, college drop out that has never got past first base witha black chick i really felt it had a lot i could relate to.
On 07/10/07 at 5:43 am
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I agree with you. Why aren’t there more diverse casts in mainstream movies?\par
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I would be insulted as well.
On 07/10/07 at 5:43 am
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You keep getting fisted…
On 07/10/07 at 5:44 am
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You are crazy, but you could be on to something anyway.
On 07/10/07 at 5:47 am
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[quote comment="3082"]I saw stomp the yard. As a white, british twentysomething, middle class, overweight, college drop out that has never got past first base witha black chick i really felt it had a lot i could relate to.[/quote]\par
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It sounds like the movie was right up your alley.
On 07/10/07 at 5:47 am
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[quote comment="3083"]I agree with you. Why aren’t there more diverse casts in mainstream movies?\par
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I would be insulted as well.[/quote]\par
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It amazes me I can’t believe there isn’t a little more of an uproar with this.
On 07/10/07 at 5:50 am
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[quote comment="3084"]You keep getting fisted…[/quote]\par
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It is a hobby of mine
On 07/10/07 at 5:50 am
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[quote comment="3085"]You are crazy, but you could be on to something anyway.[/quote]\par
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Crazy like a mongoose or whatever it is.
On 07/10/07 at 5:51 am
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I was trying to think of some good movies I have seen where blacks were portrayed positively… What about that movie with Antonio Banderas where he tried to teach inner city school kids ballroom dancing. I thought that was pretty good.. but probably falls in line with the Dancin and Steppin. I have go off the corner and think about this.. Oh I liked Man On Fire too with Denzel Washington.. he da man… and Persuit of Happyness.. that was pretty moving and positive.
On 07/10/07 at 5:54 am
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[quote comment="3086"][quote comment="3082"]I saw stomp the yard. As a white, british twentysomething, middle class, overweight, college drop out that has never got past first base witha black chick i really felt it had a lot i could relate to.[/quote]\par
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It sounds like the movie was right up your alley.[/quote]\par
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it was like watching my life on film
On 07/10/07 at 5:56 am
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hollywood films nowadays tend to be unimpressive\par
i miss the days when films were about extraordinary feats/events rather than romantic comedies\par
like something about a man who can fly?\par
it doesnt happen it real life but it has to happen somewhere
On 07/10/07 at 6:00 am
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There was “Do the Right Thing” and “Higher Learning”, what would those be?
On 07/10/07 at 6:07 am
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[quote comment="3095"]There was “Do the Right Thing” and “Higher Learning”, what would those be?[/quote]\par
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Anything by Spike Lee and John Singleton don’t count because they kind of did it on their own, it wasn’t something Hollywood crapped out.
On 07/10/07 at 6:08 am
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Hollywood makes movies like this because they make a ton of cash for some reason. I don’t know who in their right mind would consider seeing anything Eddie Murhpy’s done in the last 15 years, but then again, I’m not a complete retard.
On 07/10/07 at 6:08 am
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I’m thinking that “Hollywood Shuffle” had it right, and no one really paid attention.
On 07/10/07 at 6:13 am
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You are right on target here. Hollywood makes a lot of trash like the movies you mentioned as well as junk targetes at stoned drunk white drop outs. The target is the lowest common denominator and they are too clueless to catch on. The rest of us have just stopped going to the movies except for the one or two good movies that come out every few years. Like “Debbie Does Dallas - the remake”
On 07/10/07 at 6:13 am
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I still maintain that Teenwolf is one of the most racist movies ever made. just think about it.
On 07/10/07 at 6:17 am
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You forgot the inner city youth saved by a teacher who really does care group. That list is extensive, Lean on Me, The Principal, Stand and Deliver, Dangerous Minds, 187, that piece of crap Hilary Swank just put out, the dancing one with Antonio Banderas, Highschool High (haha)and countless others.\par
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Yeah, it gets really old, but I think I would be even more pissed if I were hispanic, as they always play ese’s or over the top huge family mariachi band playing types, or asians, who are always nerds or really good at martial arts.
On 07/10/07 at 6:17 am
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[quote comment="3097"]Hollywood makes movies like this because they make a ton of cash for some reason. I don’t know who in their right mind would consider seeing anything Eddie Murhpy’s done in the last 15 years, but then again, I’m not a complete retard.[/quote]\par
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The demise of Eddie Murphy’s career has been one of the greatest tragedies of our lifetime.
On 07/10/07 at 6:18 am
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[quote comment="3100"]I still maintain that Teenwolf is one of the most racist movies ever made. just think about it.[/quote]\par
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Poor Scott Howard
On 07/10/07 at 6:20 am
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[quote comment="3090"] Oh I liked Man On Fire too with Denzel Washington.. he da man… and Persuit of Happyness.. that was pretty moving and positive.[/quote]\par
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Both of those still had major white characters for the most part
On 07/10/07 at 6:21 am
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[quote comment="3099"] Like “Debbie Does Dallas - the remake”[/quote]\par
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That is quality cinema right there my friend.
On 07/10/07 at 6:21 am
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I’m black and not insulted, if i was going to be insulted by anything it would be a category you left out about black kids in school, who only learn when a white person starts teaching them, ex: Dangerous minds, Freedom writers. Although I like those movies the theme is a little insulting.
On 07/10/07 at 6:21 am
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[quote comment="3098"]I’m thinking that “Hollywood Shuffle” had it right, and no one really paid attention.[/quote]\par
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I don’t even pay attention to oncoming traffic.
On 07/10/07 at 6:23 am
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[quote comment="3101"]You forgot the inner city youth saved by a teacher who really does care group. That list is extensive, Lean on Me, The Principal, Stand and Deliver, Dangerous Minds, 187, that piece of crap Hilary Swank just put out, the dancing one with Antonio Banderas, Highschool High (haha)and countless others.\par
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Yeah, it gets really old, but I think I would be even more pissed if I were hispanic, as they always play ese’s or over the top huge family mariachi band playing types, or asians, who are always nerds or really good at martial arts.[/quote]\par
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Oh I did forget about the school category that is totally my bad…
On 07/10/07 at 6:24 am
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[quote comment="3106"]I’m black and not insulted, if i was going to be insulted by anything it would be a category you left out about black kids in school, who only learn when a white person starts teaching them, ex: Dangerous minds, Freedom writers. Although I like those movies the theme is a little insulting.[/quote]\par
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Well white people save everyone, duh…
On 07/10/07 at 6:25 am
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You definitely have a point….and reminded me why I tend to only watch independant films instead of the box office hollywood crap. Oh yeah and I think you were right about movie producers sending a signal to Snoop about a movie he needs to do a cameo in, only instead of a smoke signal like you said its kinda like the bat signal, only with a pot leaf.
On 07/10/07 at 6:26 am
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[quote comment="3081"]fist!?[/quote]\par
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It’s good.
On 07/10/07 at 6:30 am
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I was just saying this exact theory yesterday. No one knew what I was talking about…then again I’m Puerto Rican with a majority of my friends being white. They thought I was making up another conspiracy theory as an angry minority. Pssh what do they know.
On 07/10/07 at 6:41 am
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i totally agree with you. and i adore the fact that you referenced “arthur.” when i was a kid that was my favorite movie. what does that tell you? haha.
On 07/10/07 at 7:42 am
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so I take it you’re not willing to put Drum Line in the same category of cinematic gold as Bring It On?! Come now, if we break it down…no I just can’t do it. Nothing can touch the glory of Bring It On, unless you make a comparison to the 2 follow up films…\par
but seriously, I don’t think it’s a signal that goes out to Snoop. I think the execs sit around the table saying “well, we have Snoop’s eternal soul, and it’s been 2 hours since we’ve put him in anything, so let’s come up with another flick based totally around his cameo. How can we lose?”
On 07/10/07 at 7:50 am
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[quote comment="3098"]I’m thinking that “Hollywood Shuffle” had it right, and no one really paid attention.[/quote]Someone needs to remake it. And I’m gonna git you sucka while they are at it…
On 07/10/07 at 8:35 am
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[quote comment="3097"]\par
The demise of Eddie Murphy’s career has been one of the greatest tragedies of our lifetime.[/quote]\par
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I miss Eddie from Raw and Delirious.\par
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On 07/10/07 at 9:52 am
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Haha! That’s good. The other side of Hollywood I hadn’t even noticed. I guess I’ve been too busy noticing movies with guys dressed up as big fat women. America might need more black screenwriters in Hollywood who have some clout.
On 07/10/07 at 11:56 am
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I understand what you are trying to say but,Wayne Brady was not in (Gridiron Gang which is based on true events) He was in Crossover which is a basketball movie, whereas (GG) is a football movie. Here are a few good movies Greed with Eddie Murphy, Man on Fire, Any Given Sunday (Jamie Foxx) The longest Yard, Madeas family reuinon, Daddys Little Girls and the list goes on .
On 07/10/07 at 12:26 pm
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[quote comment="3126"]I understand what you are trying to say but,Wayne Brady was not in (Gridiron Gang which is based on true events) He was in Crossover which is a basketball movie, whereas (GG) is a football movie. Here are a few good movies Greed with Eddie Murphy, Man on Fire, Any Given Sunday (Jamie Foxx) The longest Yard, Madeas family reuinon, Daddys Little Girls and the list goes on .[/quote]\par
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No I said he was in the previews, I know Wayne Brady wasn’t in Gridiron Gang, they had the preview for cross over there. \par
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Man on Fire, Any Given Sunday, The Longest Yard don’t really qualify as “urban cinema” They have white leads along with African American actors, which is the way it is supposed to be.. although Nelly should never be allowed in any movie ever.
On 07/10/07 at 12:58 pm
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[quote comment="3114"]so I take it you’re not willing to put Drum Line in the same category of cinematic gold as Bring It On?!”[/quote]\par
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Oooh.. loved Drumline too.. but I have to say I liked the movies much better now than that time period in the early 90’s where all the movies was about gansta killing and living in the hood. I don’t think that did anything… well except now it’s the hip hop artists who cover that topic. \par
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The Color Purple.. where does that fit in?
On 07/10/07 at 5:23 pm
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The only football movie we need in life is “RUDY”.
On 07/10/07 at 6:17 pm
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I need to get my groove back…anyone want to go to Jamaica???
On 07/10/07 at 7:03 pm
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[quote comment="3141"]As for the watermelon thing, go watch transformers, Bernie Mac calls a woman mammie. Fucking M-A-M-M-I-E!!!\par
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I shit myself when I heard that… \par
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I forgot the gangster genre and the school genre, those are both good calls people pointed out to me.
On 07/10/07 at 9:58 pm
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Shouldn’t the white dance movie equivalent be Footloose? Classic
On 07/11/07 at 5:33 am
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I hear dat der Damon Dash feller is makin’ dem moving pictures for the box. He is a blessing to black culture.
On 07/12/07 at 7:28 am
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[quote comment="3160"]I hear dat der Damon Dash feller is makin’ dem moving pictures for the box. He is a blessing to black culture.[/quote]\par
Laughing My Fucking Black Ass Off!!!
On 07/12/07 at 4:02 pm
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You forgot Footloose for your white equivalent movie to number four. \par
They even have white folks dancing. woot!
On 07/5/08 at 10:49 pm
jlh78 said:
I am black and I am THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED with Hollywood and TV in general.
I don’t even own a television. I just watch the internet because I can CHOOSE what i see and not be inundated with black idiots all over the place.
Most black people feel this way.
It is the money-hungry sociopathic unconscionable black COONS who make these ghastly movies
they will do ANYTHING FOR THE DOLLAR AND FAME.
trust me, we hate them for participating in the pervasive idiocy.