"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."

Jul
06

Terrorists = Pirates, WTF?

By: Bobby Finstock on 07/6/07 @ 6:13 am

It has been clearly established that I am a history dork, recently I went to the Reagan Presidential Library and Museum because it is about 20 minutes from my house and figured it would be interesting to go see. I have to say I enjoyed it because you got to see a lot of little pieces of history, which was interesting, including a retired version of Air Force One. However, there were two thing that kind of struck me as funny.

The first thing that cracked me up was the hall of portraits, they have a room with a portrait of every President up, from Washington to Reagan and then pictures of the Presidents who were in office after “Dutch”. In checking everything out, my mom noticed something, the picture of Clinton was one of the worst photos she has ever seen of him. She looked at it for a second and then commented, “My god I think they looked for worst possible picture of him.”

All I could think about was the curator going, “Do you have the picture of him banging underage chicks will drinking newborn blood out of a human skull? No? Hmmmm… well give me the one he looks the fattest and most pale in.”

That was mildly entertaining to me, there wasn’t any impartiality here at all… But the thing that killed me was a display they had of George Washington. They had a letter on loan that Washington wrote to a commander in the Army, they were preparing a Frigate to take to South Africa to defend against Pirates that had been attacking shipping boats and raiding them. It was cool to check out the letter and some of the other artifacts around it, however I noticed something in the description written about the letter. You know the little sign that tells you what it is, it talked about the pirates and then referred to them as “these early versions of terrorists.”

pirate

Give me a fucking break. Talk about stretching definitions… Have we recessed that much as a country that we need to 9/11 everything? It wasn’t like they needed to use the terrorism comparison for people to understand what a pirate is. The more I thought about this the more I got pissed off, not really because of the obvious political undertones they were trying to lay at this museum but I felt this denigrated the good name of pirates.

What if this started a wave and the new politically correct term for pirate was “early day terrorist”…

Terrorists of the Caribbean-
that movie would never get made… (after seeing the second one that might not be a bad thing)

The Pittsburgh Terrorists- You think anyone would go to those games? Wait, okay, nobody goes to Pirates games now… but…

Would gang bangers still be rocking Raiders stuff if they had a suicide bomber on the side of their helmet? Think of all the poor kids in Compton.

and even worse…

priates

Would anyone watch a porn movie called “Terrorists”? I can’t jerk off to Jesse Jane thinking I was supporting Al Qaeda, it would just be so damn un-American of me.

So please, I beg you, let pirates be pirates. I would hate to have to start referring to my gay friends as “Ass Terrorists”.

Do you think they stretched the definitions of both words a tad far? Are you insulted as fans of Pirates?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

41 Responses to “Terrorists = Pirates, WTF?”

  1. says:

    I think they stretch everything just a little too far these days. The sad thing is that always ends up cycling around to the school system somehow and they teach our kids to overreact to everything. Fun.

  2. says:

    its sickening that these assholes have to resort to doing this shit for political gain.\par
    pure propaganda, and the majority of the american public eats it up.\par
    absofuckinglutely disgustipating.\par
    \par
    thats just my two cents.

  3. says:

    Pretty much anything you can do now can lable you a terrorist. America sucks…

  4. says:

    WTF? You mean people would have to start calling me a “Terrorist hooker”? \par
    Leave the frigging pirates alone you idiotic truth stretchers.

  5. says:

    what the fuck? yes, pirates robbed and raped and whatnot, but not over religious or political “beliefs.” there really isn’t a comparison. it makes me angry. arrrrrrrr.

  6. says:

    You’re right, this is one of those seemingly insignificant things that’s making me more and more angry as the day goes on. \par
    \par
    They should really call terrorists “Modern-Day Pirates.” I think morale and support for the war would go up, just because of the coolness factor.

  7. says:

    What about Buccaneers? Would they be terrorists too or would it be a situation of “You’re either with us or against us”

  8. says:

    Everything goes back to 911, you butt terrorist.

  9. says:

    My home town is half built my a terriorist then (John Layfette played a big part in New Orleans). \par
    I think the people who handle billing calls at Verizon are terrorist…but not cool enough for pirates

  10. says:

    Wow you’ve got a lot of angry people reading your stuff.\par
    \par
    Did you read about those two women who mistook Bill Clinton for Bob Barker? Poor guy is either a manatee or an over-cooked game show host.\par
    \par
    And there is a “booty” joke in here somewhere.

  11. says:

    Yeah, the government pretty much treats us all like idiots. I may be one, but I don’t like being treated like one!

  12. says:

    [quote comment="2872"]Wow you’ve got a lot of angry people reading your stuff.\par
    \par
    Did you read about those two women who mistook Bill Clinton for Bob Barker? Poor guy is either a manatee or an over-cooked game show host.\par
    \par
    And there is a “booty” joke in here somewhere.[/quote]\par
    \par
    Bob Barker is smooth son of a bitch, that is a compliment. I don’t know if that is something funny or sad that they didn’t know what our previous President looked like. Of course they were probably spending too much time watching the Price as Right instead of opening a paper.

  13. says:

    [quote comment="2862"]I think they stretch everything just a little too far these days. The sad thing is that always ends up cycling around to the school system somehow and they teach our kids to overreact to everything. Fun.[/quote]\par
    \par
    It is just amazing the way people use language and how it can be bent so much to fit ones needs.

  14. says:

    [quote comment="2863"]its sickening that these assholes have to resort to doing this shit for political gain.\par
    pure propaganda, and the majority of the american public eats it up.\par
    absofuckinglutely disgustipating.\par
    \par
    thats just my two cents.[/quote]\par
    \par
    Well I mean I knew going in that things would be a little slanted to the right politically, it was to be expected. That doesn’t really bug me, but that little statement on the card next to the letter really just kind of irked me. I just kind of find it irresponsible.

  15. says:

    [quote comment="2864"]Pretty much anything you can do now can lable you a terrorist. America sucks…[/quote]\par
    \par
    That comment made you a terrorist

  16. says:

    [quote comment="2865"]WTF? You mean people would have to start calling me a “Terrorist hooker”?\par
    Leave the frigging pirates alone you idiotic truth stretchers.[/quote]\par
    \par
    Well I just think the keyword for you is “Hooker”…

  17. says:

    [quote comment="2866"]what the fuck? yes, pirates robbed and raped and whatnot, but not over religious or political “beliefs.” there really isn’t a comparison. it makes me angry. arrrrrrrr.[/quote]\par
    \par
    They both used fear as a weapon is what the counter argument is going to be. But so did Sister Mary Francis in third grade and I am not going to call a nun a terrorist.

  18. says:

    [quote comment="2867"]You’re right, this is one of those seemingly insignificant things that’s making me more and more angry as the day goes on.\par
    \par
    They should really call terrorists “Modern-Day Pirates.” I think morale and support for the war would go up, just because of the coolness factor.[/quote]\par
    \par
    Pirates poll better… it would be like a 20% bump.

  19. says:

    [quote comment="2868"]What about Buccaneers? Would they be terrorists too or would it be a situation of “You’re either with us or against us”[/quote]\par
    \par
    They would totally have to decide… Gruden would probably pop a vein.

  20. says:

    [quote comment="2869"]Everything goes back to 911, you butt terrorist.[/quote]\par
    \par
    Are you a butt terrorist if you only receive or does that make you a victim?

  21. says:

    [quote comment="2870"]My home town is half built my a terriorist then (John Layfette played a big part in New Orleans).\par
    I think the people who handle billing calls at Verizon are terrorist…but not cool enough for pirates[/quote]\par
    \par
    The people from Verizon are just cum guzzlers

  22. says:

    [quote comment="2873"]Yeah, the government pretty much treats us all like idiots. I may be one, but I don’t like being treated like one![/quote]\par
    \par
    Yeah I like to think I am smart, don’t destroy the illusion.

  23. says:

    soon it’ll be terroristed DVD’s and terroristed downloads. However, if the whole thing went the other way – i.e. terrorists were no going to be referred to as pirates, you gotta imagine the country would be whole lot safer. “We are winning the War on Pirates!” honestly, who would support that one? If they’d told us Iraq was harboring pirates there’d be boat loads of dressed up partiers hittin the desert in a second. Pirate Party in Baghdad!

  24. says:

    [quote comment="2879"][quote comment="2864"]Pretty much anything you can do now can lable you a terrorist. America sucks…[/quote]\par
    \par
    That comment made you a terrorist[/quote]\par
    \par
    This blog made you a terrorist

  25. says:

    Thank you for introducing me to the amazing that is Pirates. Since reading your blog I tracked down the movie, researched it ($1 Million dollar budget? Hello!) and bought it off Amazon. \par
    \par
    Thank you!

  26. says:

    I would jerk off to female terrorist porn…\par
    \par
    \par
    Mostly because I’m a sick person….But we aren’t debating that…

  27. says:

    Unfrogginbelievable. No wonder Johnny Depp lives in France.

  28. says:

    I heard somewhere that Rosie O’Donnell will take over for Bob Barker on Price is Right.. now that’s a scary thought.. oh back to the post.. Terrorist… is a word that’s been slapped all over the place.. Did you hear about Eco-terrorists? People who burn labs and get violent in the cause for green… I am not sure that’s a proper word for them. I don’t agree with their practices.. but Terrorism because some of the green fanatics decided to do some property damage. It’s a word I guess all of us will have to live with since 9/11… however I do agree that they should have left that damn letter alone. The curator obviously has a sick sense of humor and definitely republican. :) Bill Clinton’s Portrait says it all.

  29. says:

    Is it so wrong that I’ve never been to a Pirates’ game but if they got renamed to the Terrorists, I just might feel incentive? I mean, where else could you buy and wear a T-shirt proclaiming you a terrorist and wear it with fun and pride and not get some blue-haired panic freak calling the cops on you? It’d utterly rock!\par
    \par
    And snaps on the good porn selection, I bought the triple DVD collection when it debuted in HD DVD – take that Sony, you Blu-Ray prudes. But I’d watch any porn that sounds good, like Camp Cuddly Pines Power Tool Massacre was damned fine.

  30. says:

    You may not agree with them being called “terrorists”, but it’s true. The definition of terrorism includes the use of violence (often on innocents or non-combatants) to force change on a government. Pirates committed violence on merchant vessels (non-military craft, therefore non-combatants) and gained vile reputations through their cruelty (fear tactics and propaganda) in order to get rich. Piracy grew so prevalent and costly that European powers at the time sent military units to hunt down and bring pirates to justice… a change in policy, perhaps?\par
    \par
    In other words, while it may be distateful, “pirates = terrorists” is essentially correct.\par
    \par
    Oh, and the Barbary pirates of the late 18th-early 19th centuries were filthy muslims. That’s why we sent Lt Presley O’Bannon and his Marines to destroy them.

  31. says:

    [quote comment="2896"]Terrorist… is a word that’s been slapped all over the place.. Did you hear about Eco-terrorists? People who burn labs and get violent in the cause for green… I am not sure that’s a proper word for them. I don’t agree with their practices.. but Terrorism because some of the green fanatics decided to do some property damage. It’s a word I guess all of us will have to live with since 9/11…[/quote]\par
    \par
    Eco-terrorism has been defined since at least the 80s, and Greenpeace has been in the FBI’s Top Ten terrorist organizations since before my Dad left the Air Force in 1992. He was an anti-terrorism specialist, by the way.\par
    \par
    Why do most Americans think terrorism is new? Why do all you uninformed cretins think the first 19 people to kill themselves to win their holy war died on September 11th? I was scheduled to fly home on a certain airliner leaving Lockerbie, Scotland in December of 1988. It was blown up by Libyans. A truck bomber killed over 200 US Marines while they were sleeping in their barracks in Beirut, Lebanon in 1983. And have we forgotten when the WTC WAS BOMBED IN 1993???

  32. says:

    Hi.\par
    Wow, I like the way you write articles. You managed to get people interested… although a lot were mad, you’re still effective in what you do.\par
    \par
    Keep it up.\par
    Blogging Mix

  33. says:

    [quote comment="2913"]\par
    \par
    In other words, while it may be distateful, “pirates = terrorists” is essentially correct.\par
    [/quote]\par
    \par
    I get what you are saying but we are making such a general and loose connection that the words have lost meaning, why not just say men and it encompassses all? \par
    \par
    Pirates use violence to gain economically, terrorists use violence because they are try to get their political or religious heard and use fear and violence to get across that message. \par
    \par
    From a sociological perspective they are two totally different levels. Pirates do it to gain wealth and in some cases for survival, terrorists do it because their voice isn’t heard by the mainstream (because they are either oppressed ie: Ireland, Palestine or because they have extreme views)and in order to get their voice heard they use extreme measures to do it.

  34. says:

    Maybe in 100 years time we will end up with new movies showing likable terrorists falling in love with runaway daughters of high end politicians and running away to perform terrorist things in a cheeky friendly gun buckling manor.\par
    \par
    Why are museums even allowed to put political stains on their exhibits!!\par
    \par
    Oh well at least it made you, me and a few others chuckle.

  35. says:

    Wait, Depp lives in France? That explains a lot. \par
    \par
    As for the terrorists, hell we are all going to be one at the rate this countries going downhill so might as well start acting the part.

  36. says:

    Al-Queda of the Seven Seas, eh? Great post. So true. The current administration uses 911 for everything from justifying our involvement in Iraq, the stripping of our rights to privacy and free speech, and, I guess, VP Cheney becoming a branch of the government unto himself.\par
    \par
    Keep reminding us and maybe it will sink in…

  37. says:

    Yeah, that’s quite the stretch there. Does that mean that Radio Caroline was a early-version terrorist radio station? Or, if you download music, a music early-version terrorist?\par
    \par
    Of course, I can’t help but think that they did that to make it easier for some folks in the target audience to understand what pirates are. Make a bet that they never watched Pirates of the Caribbean, with some bizarre rationale for it, like that it portrays liberal values…\par
    \par
    Sephyroth\par
    http://www.sephyroth.net

  38. says:

    To be TOTALLY historically accurate. \par
    Washington, and the soldiers he led in the Revolutionary War would more aptly fit the post-9/11 definition of a terrorist than Capt. Jack Sparrow and his booty-licious colleagues.

  39. says:

    Yikes, if John T. is right, then my football team would be the New England Terrorists. Hell, I’d still love them.

  40. says:

    Are you kidding me? How old are you people, 14? \par
    \par
    First of all, the reason you get mad is because you are LOOKING for a reason to get mad! Youre the same people who do exactly what everyone else does, but because its for YOUR cause, its not hypocrisy! Well I have news for you! You’re as full of it as they all are!\par
    Secondly, buttmunch, the Pirate/Terrorist connection is that the earliest pirates WERE PERSIANS (aka Iranians) AND ARABS!!! If you were the history dork you claim to be, you would already know that. Hell! Thats practically common knowledge! How did you! .. the “history dork” miss it?\par
    Grow up and stop making mountains out of ant hills. \par
    You sit here blabbering how OTHERS are using something for a political purpose … then you turn around and take a comparison from early Persian/Arab society to terrorists and you FLY OFF THE HANDLE with your whiney, personal opinion and try to make it into something it isn’t.

  41. says:

    [quote comment="3092"]\par
    \par
    First of all, the reason you get mad is because you are LOOKING for a reason to get mad! [/quote]\par
    \par
    Sasha… it is a comedy blog…

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