So yesterday I went to get a physical and have a few of my shots updated, as required by my grad school. Now, like everyone else, I am not a huge fan of going to the doctors, you know that you are going to find out something you don’t want to. However, I was buoyed by the fact that my balls would get rolled in a check for testicular cancer, which always has potential.
I decided though to make fun of a bad situation and have some fun with the doctor, you know show some personality, lighten the situation. But what I found was a wall of non laughter, which made me want to get a laugh out of them that much more. In fact it got the point where I got to be so hacky that it was depressing. Here is a sample of the hits and misses from yesterday:
Doctor: Do you smoke?
Me: (in a very serious voice) Just crack.
Doctor: Well that leads me into my next question about any drug habits you may have.
Reaction: What? Not even a snicker, the timing was perfect. I had to explain that I didn’t do crack after that because I didn’t want them to think I was Pookie from New Jack City.
Doctor: Is there any history of mental illness in your family?
Me: Well my parents are divorced I am sure they each have a very different answer.
Doctor: No… I mean diagnosed.
Reaction: Ok it was lame… I wish I could have gotten a mulligan for that one.
Doctor: The only two things I would have you do is get a blood check done to check your cholesterol and I would also recommend to get a STD test, being a young sexually active male. That test is done with blood and with urine…
Me: When my friend had that done they put a giant q-tip in the tip of his…
Doctor: With current technology we don’t need to probe.
Me: Phew, because that is really a hole that is exit only.
Doctor: So, should I order the tests?
Reaction: I’m standing by that one, that was funny.
All told I dropped four or five jokes with none of them getting a laugh. But the worst part about it was, no ball check, I must leave that to privacy of my own shower.
It was truly a sad day.
What are some of your uncomfortable Doctor appointments?