(So if you couldn’t tell I cleaned up my page a bit, I moved servers this weekend and tried to make the page a little leaner and meaner so it loads faster. Excuse the mess while I fine tune it a little.)
For two summers I was a soccer official for youth travel teams. It was really good extra money, anywhere from 30-50 bucks for a couple of hours of work, and it was an enjoyable way to make some cash. Plus the way I looked at it I was getting paid to get my ass out there and run, oh and the soccer moms weren’t too bad either but that is another blog for another day.
About halfway through the season two things always happened to me:
1) I got bored
2) I found teams that I liked and didn’t like.
Now my role as an official was to not be biased and for the most part I wasn’t, but I honestly slipped up every once and awhile. Here were my two favorite slip ups:
The Social Experiment: I had one boys game that was ridiculously lopsided, one team had the bare number of players to start the game because most of their players were away at camp. You could tell that this wasn’t their cream of the crop and they were going to get slaughtered, it may have or may not have been their special Olympics squad.
The other team had a full squad and basically started laying it on, scoring five times midway through the first half. It was kind of annoying me that the players on the winning team were talking trash, it was like Keith Richards calling Lyndsay Lohan an amateur with her drug use. (Okay I don’t know how either are connected I just wanted to see how that looked in writing and I felt like using a picture of Keith Richards today, sue me.)
So I decided to see if extremely lopsided officiating could sway the game to make it close. I decided to not give the other team a call unless it was so blatant that I HAD to, basically they had to be raped or maimed. On the other hand I made sure to give the other team every call imaginable, including two bogus penalty kicks and me tossing out the other teams best player. If they so much as brushed against the other team I was calling it. There was one call that I was 40 yards away from, with like 6 players blocking me and I called a handball.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You are like 75 yard away, with the sun in your eyes and two teams in between you and the ball. And you are making that call,” was the kick ass reaction I got from the coach of the team in the lead. As I jogged by him I turned and said, “I could hear it.”
The crappy team still lost the game 6-4, but those kids really got enjoyment out of storming back with their wayward roster. Also I am pretty sure the other teams coach filed a report against me or destroyed me in his post game rating, but I had the last laugh because I slept with one of the player’s mothers. So in some cosmic form it all evens out in the end.
This went a little longer than I expected so I am just going to break it into two parts.
Is it morally wrong to use your position of power to screw with people for shits and giggles? How many times have you done it?