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Jun
25

The Crooked Official Part 1

By: Bobby Finstock on 06/25/07 @ 5:21 am

(So if you couldn’t tell I cleaned up my page a bit, I moved servers this weekend and tried to make the page a little leaner and meaner so it loads faster. Excuse the mess while I fine tune it a little.)

For two summers I was a soccer official for youth travel teams. It was really good extra money, anywhere from 30-50 bucks for a couple of hours of work, and it was an enjoyable way to make some cash. Plus the way I looked at it I was getting paid to get my ass out there and run, oh and the soccer moms weren’t too bad either but that is another blog for another day.

About halfway through the season two things always happened to me:

1) I got bored
2) I found teams that I liked and didn’t like.

girl soccer

Now my role as an official was to not be biased and for the most part I wasn’t, but I honestly slipped up every once and awhile. Here were my two favorite slip ups:

The Social Experiment:
I had one boys game that was ridiculously lopsided, one team had the bare number of players to start the game because most of their players were away at camp. You could tell that this wasn’t their cream of the crop and they were going to get slaughtered, it may have or may not have been their special Olympics squad.

The other team had a full squad and basically started laying it on, scoring five times midway through the first half. It was kind of annoying me that the players on the winning team were talking trash, it was like Keith Richards calling Lyndsay Lohan an amateur with her drug use. (Okay I don’t know how either are connected I just wanted to see how that looked in writing and I felt like using a picture of Keith Richards today, sue me.)

keith richards

So I decided to see if extremely lopsided officiating could sway the game to make it close. I decided to not give the other team a call unless it was so blatant that I HAD to, basically they had to be raped or maimed. On the other hand I made sure to give the other team every call imaginable, including two bogus penalty kicks and me tossing out the other teams best player. If they so much as brushed against the other team I was calling it. There was one call that I was 40 yards away from, with like 6 players blocking me and I called a handball.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You are like 75 yard away, with the sun in your eyes and two teams in between you and the ball. And you are making that call,” was the kick ass reaction I got from the coach of the team in the lead. As I jogged by him I turned and said, “I could hear it.”

The crappy team still lost the game 6-4, but those kids really got enjoyment out of storming back with their wayward roster. Also I am pretty sure the other teams coach filed a report against me or destroyed me in his post game rating, but I had the last laugh because I slept with one of the player’s mothers. So in some cosmic form it all evens out in the end.

This went a little longer than I expected so I am just going to break it into two parts.

soccer mom

Is it morally wrong to use your position of power to screw with people for shits and giggles? How many times have you done it?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

40 Responses to “The Crooked Official Part 1”

  1. says:

    lol No it is not wrong and I have not done it yet

  2. says:

    If that is wrong I don’t know that I ever want to be right

  3. says:

    Of course it is wrong, and I make a living doing it as often as possible. Hell it is the American way.\par
    \par
    Did you shout “goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal” when you scored the mom?

  4. says:

    I think it was a good call, as unfair as it was. I always feel sympathy for the underdog..\par
    \par
    and you banged a soccer mom….500 cool points for you

  5. says:

    Doesn\’e2\’80\’99t everyone use whatever little power they have?\par
    \par
    I do on a daily basis just to screw with our sales guys who I truly dislike (note that I didn\’e2\’80\’99t write hate). As long as I show some skin I get what I want, win-win really.\par
    Doesn\’e2\’80\’99t all women though, know when to play the equality card and when to be the little weak woman in need of help?!\par
    \par
    5 kudos for being biase with kids!

  6. says:

    Cripes, what is it with the easy Moms? One of my brothers is a wrestling coach and some of the mothers just throw it at him. Easy Mom, he’s a coach, geez, there must be some long standing fantasy involved about a job that pays low and works with kids. As far as screwing one team, hell yes, it’s even funnier when you have the irate coach that is win driven and can’t believe what you’re doing. That makes it great.

  7. says:

    [quote comment="2094"]Of course it is wrong, and I make a living doing it as often as possible. Hell it is the American way.\par
    \par
    Did you shout “goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal” when you scored the mom?[/quote]\par
    \par
    No but I did say, “I hope your husband didn’t follow you.”

  8. says:

    [quote comment="2095"]I think it was a good call, as unfair as it was. I always feel sympathy for the underdog..\par
    \par
    and you banged a soccer mom….500 cool points for you[/quote]\par
    \par
    That brings me up to a total of 500 cool points, sweet.

  9. says:

    [quote comment="2096"]\par
    Doesn\’e2\’80\’99t all women though, know when to play the equality card and when to be the little weak woman in need of help?!\par
    [/quote]\par
    \par
    reason number 5,698 why women are evil

  10. says:

    [quote comment="2097"]Cripes, what is it with the easy Moms? One of my brothers is a wrestling coach and some of the mothers just throw it at him. Easy Mom, he’s a coach, geez, there must be some long standing fantasy involved about a job that pays low and works with kids. As far as screwing one team, hell yes, it’s even funnier when you have the irate coach that is win driven and can’t believe what you’re doing. That makes it great.[/quote]\par
    \par
    I had one actually track me down at the bar I hang out at.

  11. says:

    [quote comment="2100"]\par
    \par
    reason number 5,698 why women are evil[/quote]\par
    \par
    And you still want us! That’s the great part, we get away with so much… at least I do! Probably because I’m Swedish and hot!

  12. says:

    [quote comment=""][quote comment="2100"]\par
    \par
    reason number 5,698 why women are evil[/quote]\par
    \par
    And you still want us! That’s the great part, we get away with so much… at least I do! Probably because I’m Swedish and hot![/quote]\par
    \par
    I just want you talk dirty to me like the swedish chef

  13. says:

    Nice. Are soccer dads as cute as soccer moms, ’cause I’m hearing the call for a new past time all of a sudden.

  14. says:

    [quote comment=""]Nice. Are soccer dads as cute as soccer moms, ’cause I’m hearing the call for a new past time all of a sudden.[/quote]\par
    \par
    I really didn’t scope them out…

  15. says:

    I really didn’t scope them out…[/quote]\par
    \par
    Well thanks for nothing there Kevin.

  16. says:

    “but I had the last laugh because I slept with one of the player\’e2\’80\’99s mothers. So in some cosmic form it all evens out in the end.” + That was perfect!!

  17. says:

    I now want to become a soccer ref so that I can hook up with single soccer moms.

  18. says:

    [quote comment=""]I now want to become a soccer ref so that I can hook up with single soccer moms.[/quote] I can’t recommend it enough

  19. says:

    [quote comment="2106"]\par
    Well thanks for nothing there Kevin.[/quote]\par
    \par
    Hey sometimes you gotta do your own work

  20. says:

    [quote comment="2107"]“but I had the last laugh because I slept with one of the player\’e2\’80\’99s mothers. So in some cosmic form it all evens out in the end.” + That was perfect!![/quote]\par
    \par
    It all evens out.

  21. says:

    In this case, absol-fucking-lutely. The other coach needs to learn sportsmanship. But he probably told his team to lay it on thick. Plus you got to tap a soccer milf.

  22. says:

    [quote comment=""]In this case, absol-fucking-lutely. The other coach needs to learn sportsmanship. But he probably told his team to lay it on thick. Plus you got to tap a soccer milf.[/quote]\par
    \par
    They honestly should have not even played the game, the other team had no subs, etc…

  23. says:

    Wrong, maybe.\par
    Funny, yes.

  24. says:

    I think it was sweet!

  25. says:

    What the hell is a “WordPress” error?!?

  26. says:

    [quote comment=""]What the hell is a “WordPress” error?!?[/quote]\par
    \par
    Hmmm I don;t know why you would get one… wordpress is the software used to host the site

  27. says:

    It’s wrong. Unless you slip me a fin, it’s wrong.

  28. says:

    LOL… holy crap was that funny.. You just made me laugh so hard that I just snorted coffee out of my nose. Good one.. and love the new page.

  29. says:

    Ha…YES. It is wrong, but you pulled it off with just the right amount of cruel humor, and you got laid. It could only happen to Kevin.

  30. says:

    [quote comment=""]\par
    \par
    I just want you talk dirty to me like the swedish chef[/quote]\par
    \par
    Ooooo my little chocolate Mooose, chicken in a basket anyone?! Schudibudischmudi or whatever he says that is so hot!\par
    \par
    I hope you realise he doesn’t say one single swedish word and his accent is actually danish :)

  31. says:

    Good for you standing up for the underdog like that…AND you got to tap a MILF on top of it? All I can say is major kudos for that one however, I can’t help but to wonder if you called a handball when she was fondling you? I just KNOW you put that in your story to see if someone would say something about a milf ‘HAND’ling your balls! LOL

  32. says:

    Good for you! Not sure how to answer the question…I suppose sometimes it would be okay to use a position of power for the benefit of you or someone else (that’s what power positions are for!). It all depends on how high your morals are.

  33. says:

    [quote comment=""]Seriously.. you hve to watch out for us soccer moms… we’re dangerous![/quote]

  34. says:

    [quote comment=""][quote comment=""]Oh and yes it’s wrong, and yes I have done it!quote][/quote]

  35. says:

    Yes, it’s wrong and no, hmmm…I haven’t done it. Oh yes…well kinda’ hahaha I was seduced at work…at a day spa…does that count?

  36. says:

    [quote comment=""]Yes, it’s wrong and no, hmmm…I haven’t done it. Oh yes…well kinda’ hahaha I was seduced at work…at a day spa…does that count?[/quote]\par
    I think its really sweet you did that for the other team. \par
    \par
    Kevin has a heart!

  37. says:

    Is it wrong for a person in power to screw with people? You asked the right person. I, the great and powerful Karl Rove, use my power to do anything from stealing elections to telling people that John McCain has illegitimate kids. But that was years ago…

  38. says:

    [quote comment=""]Is it wrong for a person in power to screw with people? You asked the right person. I, the great and powerful Karl Rove, use my power to do anything from stealing elections to telling people that John McCain has illegitimate kids. But that was years ago…[/quote]\par
    \par
    I was waiting for you to check in Rovie…

  39. says:

    Fucking with people is how us crooked folk make it through the day…

  40. says:

    As I jogged by him I turned and said, \’e2\’80\’9cI could hear it.\’e2\’80\’9d\par
    \par
    you crack me up!

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