Teaching My Nephew Everything He Needs to Know to Survive
The other day I sold my car via Craigslist. I ended up selling it to a father that was buying it for his daughter to be her first car. The guy grilled me about everything on the car, which was understandable, you have to do your due diligence. However, it lead to this uncomfortable moment.
When checking out the interior he noticed a stain that was on the back seat. He asked me what it was and at that point I had a few options for an answer:
a) my nephew spilled some juice
b) coffee stain from one of my jackass friends
c) I got drunk and picked up a sorority girl when I first got the car, we left the bar and had sex in the back seat of my car and that is the combination of our love juices. I am sure your daughter will probably add to that amount over the next few years because she is built for speed.
I opted for option a, I hate when I have to lie.
The cool thing was that they bought the car for straight cash so I was able to walk around with a massive wad of money. I decided that before I went to the bank to deposit it that I needed to teach my nephew a valuable lesson that he needed in life.
First I showed him the wad of money, which was impressive to him. Of course he was also impressed when I gave him a Canadian quarter, but anyways. We got the infamous Barbie doll and placed her on the counter, after that I told him, “It is time for you to learn what ‘make it rain’ means.”
(thank Pac-Man Jones and Fat Joe for teaching me about the phrase)
For those of you that don’t know, here is the definition of “make it rain” from urbandictonary.com:
Term used in strip clubs, it defines when you in da club, with a stack and you throw the money up in the air at the strippers, and the effect is that it seems to be raining money on to the strippers.
after leroy finished trapping for the night, he went to the strip club, got 10 stacks, and he was about to make it rain inside the club the whole night.
We sprayed the Barbie with the cash, I did two example runs, then in one of the proudest moments of my life, he took the money and made it rain at the level of an expert. The kid was a natural, just amazing. I thought it was impressive that I got him to say “it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye” whenever adults yelled, which led to his preschool teacher asking where he learned that. This though might have topped it…. Now I have someone to take to strip clubs, sweet…
Is “making it rain” the dumbest phrase to be introduced in the last five years?
Read the latest from Bobby Finstock
Read the latest from Donkeysosa
On 06/20/07 at 5:47 am
cigar smoking, hung over lawyer said:
If it is not the dumbest phrase it is certainly over used. In my job “making rain” means bringing in new business. The next dumbest phrase is “decorating the mohagany” - means when the client puts money on your desk. I HATE both phrases.
Already teaching the nephew about strippers huh? Better teach him the most important lesson - look but dont touch, and if you do touch, wash wash wash.
On 06/20/07 at 5:52 am
John--Softball Stud said:
Wouldn’t it be ironic if your nephew one day nails the daughter who bought your car?
On 06/20/07 at 5:54 am
Jem said:
It’s never too early to teach the kid the really important things in life. Way to go kevin……..
On 06/20/07 at 5:56 am
Tai said:
Your nephew is so going to be a pimp, watch out for him tricking out his teachers.
On 06/20/07 at 5:57 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="4231"]
Already teaching the nephew about strippers huh? Better teach him the most important lesson - look but dont touch, and if you do touch, wash wash wash.[/quote]
I am trying to just cover the washing the hands thing in general
On 06/20/07 at 5:58 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="4232"]Wouldn’t it be ironic if your nephew one day nails the daughter who bought your car?[/quote]
Everything would come full circle
On 06/20/07 at 5:58 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="4233"]It’s never too early to teach the kid the really important things in life. Way to go kevin……..[/quote]
That is what I am here for
On 06/20/07 at 6:04 am
John--Softball Stud said:
[quote comment="4237"][quote comment="4232"]Wouldn’t it be ironic if your nephew one day nails the daughter who bought your car?[/quote]
Everything would come full circle[/quote]
Wouldn’t be even more ironic if he nails her after raining money on her at the club she dances?
On 06/20/07 at 6:05 am
John--Softball Stud said:
I learned some lingo from an episode of CSI…drinking clear and something about Benjamins…
On 06/20/07 at 6:08 am
Em Em said:
There really are a plethora of stupid phrases in the recent five years. They’re never so dumb as when you hear them on the news, like “a young man was hurt this weekend ‘ghost riding the whip’” or “thanks Steve, our next story involves a woman having her ‘bling’ stolen right out of her ‘crib’ while she was getting ‘hyphee’ just a few feet away”. Dumb things that are made worse but middle aged newscasters trying to sound like they’re still relevant. Horrible.
On 06/20/07 at 6:11 am
Fiona said:
I’m praying you never spawn…..the kid is going to need therapy in a few years.
On 06/20/07 at 6:21 am
Mara said:
It sounds like your nephew and my daughter would get along well. My daughter likes to pole dance, she picked it up after a visit with her father in NYC. I am not sure where they went for their day together, but I have decided supervised visits are the way to go.
On 06/20/07 at 6:25 am
Dr.B said:
“Get er done”, maybe the most over used and dumbest in the last five years. Unless you “get er done”after “you make it rain”!!
On 06/20/07 at 6:30 am
Christina said:
Your such a good uncle teaching your nephew about strippers and making it rain.
On 06/20/07 at 6:35 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="4239"][quote comment="4237"][quote comment="4232"]Wouldn’t it be ironic if your nephew one day nails the daughter who bought your car?[/quote]
Everything would come full circle[/quote]
Wouldn’t be even more ironic if he nails her after raining money on her at the club she dances?[/quote]
That would just be perfection
On 06/20/07 at 6:36 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="4242"]I’m praying you never spawn…..the kid is going to need therapy in a few years.[/quote]
I probably have already spawned I just don’t know it.
On 06/20/07 at 6:37 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="4243"]It sounds like your nephew and my daughter would get along well. My daughter likes to pole dance, she picked it up after a visit with her father in NYC. I am not sure where they went for their day together, but I have decided supervised visits are the way to go.[/quote]
I thought a father’s job was to keep his daughter off of the pole
On 06/20/07 at 6:42 am
Fiona said:
[quote comment="4247"][quote comment="4242"]I’m praying you never spawn…..the kid is going to need therapy in a few years.[/quote]
I probably have already spawned I just don’t know it.[/quote]
Wathc out world, is all I can think.
On 06/20/07 at 6:43 am
Suzi said:
First laugh of the day!
Jeez, some of those terms are so stupid though. I’m still not getting the whole other language. Gimme pidgin any day!
But I love to read them, especially when they teach you how to use it in a sentence.
On 06/20/07 at 7:02 am
sporkgasm said:
i especially like how in the urban dictionary reference they use “da” instead of “the”. way to “keep it real…yo.” geesh.
On 06/20/07 at 7:06 am
kate said:
omg…your nephew is going to be a bigger pimp then you, kev.
On 06/20/07 at 7:10 am
Ami said:
Well I guess you’re never to young to learn what make it rain means. I’m just glad he can do it perfectly so when you do take him to the strip clubs you won’t have to show him how to do it. Good job Kevin!
I wouldn’t say that it was the dumbest phrase I heard. The one I hate is when someone I haven’t seen in a while walks up to me and says “Damn girl I haven’t seen you in a minute.” It kinda makes me wanna bitch smack them up side their heads.
On 06/20/07 at 7:10 am
Clarisse said:
It is still second, only to “Who’s your Daddy?”
On 06/20/07 at 7:11 am
Ami said:
[quote comment="4248"][quote comment="4243"]It sounds like your nephew and my daughter would get along well. My daughter likes to pole dance, she picked it up after a visit with her father in NYC. I am not sure where they went for their day together, but I have decided supervised visits are the way to go.[/quote]
I thought a father’s job was to keep his daughter off of the pole[/quote]
Well I guess this father didn’t see it that way…haha.
On 06/20/07 at 7:20 am
Jimmy said:
Moments like that, you will treasure forever…haha
On 06/20/07 at 7:22 am
sarah said:
Well at least he is learning valuable informaiton he can share at pre-school!!
On 06/20/07 at 7:28 am
Aaron said:
To me,the dumbest phrase, is “Ghost ride the whip” Just look up some video’s online and you’ll see not only how dumb the phrase is, but also how dumb the people who do it are.
On 06/20/07 at 8:13 am
ncole1701 said:
You must be so proud!
On 06/20/07 at 8:29 am
zedpop said:
and thus, man invented scotchguard - the cum protector.
On 06/20/07 at 8:47 am
Atenea said:
I just saw some of the “Ghost ride the whip” videos on youtube. WOW. those people are fucking STUPID!
I’m still in shock. I’ll think of something else to write later.
On 06/20/07 at 10:29 am
randi said:
Damn it! Why couldn’t I have answered the phone in time! It could have been me, Kevin. Not Barbie. Me.
On 06/20/07 at 10:42 am
Gloria said:
I’ve already forgotten. Is this your brother’s kid or your sister’s kid…Either way, his Mom needs to beat you with a shoe. lol
Oh…Baio
On 06/20/07 at 1:02 pm
Dee said:
You forgot the rest of the line to “it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye” “then its freaking hiliarous!!”
On 06/20/07 at 2:12 pm
Alicia {Mom~o} said:
[quote comment="4244"]“Get er done”, maybe the most over used and dumbest in the last five years.quote]
I’m putting my money on this one. Our governor of MT has an actual “Git er Done” award he gives out. Hilarious.
On 06/20/07 at 4:54 pm
Scott~ said:
[quote comment="4242"]I’m praying you never spawn…..the kid is going to need therapy in a few years.[/quote]
I was just thinking the same thing…lol
On 06/21/07 at 8:05 am
Jason P. said:
Yep, make it rain has to be one on the list…
I’ve never made it rain in a strip club. Course, I haven’t been in one in 8 years…Not all that exciting…and yes, I do like hot naked women.
On 06/21/07 at 11:11 am
AMANDA said:
That was cute! Poor kid.
On 06/21/07 at 11:34 am
bloggy slater aka rebecca said:
omg you are too much kev, lol you and ur nephew making it rain on chicks lol…. umm no make it rain isn’t the stupidest phrase in the past 5 years humm lemme see…. what it do shawty is dumb to me… what else what’s poppin???,anybody who does the lil jon/dave chappelle imatation of yeah that has been killed to death…i cant think of any more oh wait the birdman’s birdcall on every damm record not a phrase but made so irritating