I always thought hate mail from England would be better

So they are googling for random fat kids and it’s ok but you doing it for blog is what? Wrong? Ok whatever. I have no preconcieved images of the english, other than they all resemble monte pythons’ comedy troupe. And they all walk around acting like they are riding horses while someone walks beside them making “clomping” noises with coconuts. hehe

Nice one… see, I get the great privelege of understanding both sides of the coin since I am a yank living in London.

Obviously, Kev, it has been a LONG time since you have been in England. You are obviously unaware of chav-speaking and this new text language (not sure it’s scientific name) that has cropped up. Slightly worse than ebonics, but I think some of the new words are making it into the Oxford dictionary.

Fucktards is a good word though, so I give that guy props!

I know, you’ve missed me. You don’t need to say it.

[quote comment="4052"]

Obviously, Kev, it has been a LONG time since you have been in England. You are obviously unaware of chav-speaking and this new text language (not sure it’s scientific name) that has cropped up. Slightly worse than ebonics, but I think some of the new words are making it into the Oxford dictionary.

[/quote]

What a layover in Heathrow doesn’t count?

And yes I have missed you

[quote comment="4051"]. And they all walk around acting like they are riding horses while someone walks beside them making “clomping” noises with coconuts. hehe[/quote]

I knew their transportation system was like that.

I envision Brits as sounding like my mom and her family…. but that’s just me. They are a little prim though, I’ll admit that. Fucking Cockneys trying to lose the accents….that guy sounds like he’s a bit Chav, ’tis all.

I picture Americans as fat people, period. Allah love ya.

Same way you picture me as a black half-naked person in a grass hut, I suppose.

[quote comment="4055"]

Same way you picture me as a black half-naked person in a grass hut, I suppose.[/quote]

You aren’t? I just figured your pictures on MySpace were of tourists that you killed and ate.

[quote comment="4056"][quote comment="4055"]

Same way you picture me as a black half-naked person in a grass hut, I suppose.[/quote]

You aren’t? I just figured your pictures on MySpace were of tourists that you killed and ate.[/quote]

No no no….we wear their heads until it starts to smell…

First off, I totally agreed with this original post. Had this been a poor black kid form an inner American city…the media would have never given it this kind of coverage. I doubt we would have even seen anything. Maybe the English are just too stupid when it comes to American culture to relize this.

[quote comment="4057"]

No no no….we wear their heads until it starts to smell…[/quote]

I hate to know what you do with their private parts.

Americans: Normal, stupid, obnoxious, drunken and belligerent…

Brits: whinging, weak, pathetic cry babies.

Australians: perfect.

[quote comment="4058"]First off, I totally agreed with this original post. Had this been a poor black kid form an inner American city…the media would have never given it this kind of coverage. I doubt we would have even seen anything. Maybe the English are just too stupid when it comes to American culture to relize this.[/quote]

Well I couldn’t figure out what their logical argument was except for the fact I was going to hell.

Are you not aware of the common vernacular & the use of the word, ‘innit?’ It is a bea-u-t-y, innit?

Um, and no, Heathrow does NOT count. You lot me know if you are ever coming this way, and I’ll introduce you to some locals.

I was at a pub Saturday night and this drunk Scottish guy thought foreplay was buying me a shot of goldschlager. So, I took it.. he proceeded to talk to me and for about 10 minutes, all I got was that his name was Ian. Now, that was a laugh… smile and nod, smile and nod! Oh, and thanks for the goldschlager - you are class!

Hey, Texas is much better than that shithole, you call California. And the Brits are begining to learn the new lingua franca, “Internet Lingo.” Some words that are commonplace are:

ur
lol
lawls
roffles
lmaol
lawlz(same as above)
Jenna Jameson
JK
JP

The rules of grammar are still in the works, but bad spelling is a big plus.

[quote comment="4059"][quote comment="4057"]

No no no….we wear their heads until it starts to smell…[/quote]

I hate to know what you do with their private parts.[/quote]

Want to by a dildo? It feels real…..

[quote comment="4062"]

I was at a pub Saturday night and this drunk Scottish guy thought foreplay was buying me a shot of goldschlager. [/quote]

Wait, buying a girl a shot isn’t foreplay?

[quote comment="4063"]Hey, Texas is much better than that shithole, you call California. [/quote]

I just spit my orange juice out from laughing so hard.

I’m a fat and stupid dude from Texas!

[quote comment="4064"]

Want to by a dildo? It feels real…..[/quote]

Have any plastic vagina?

Please don’t judge the crappy hate mail based on the chav speak, some of us actually know how to spell and put together a well thought out argument and pictures of random fat kids are not appealing to the entire UK.

I have to say “they all walk around acting like they are riding horses while someone walks beside them making “clomping” noises with coconuts” made me laugh a lot I must try that!

I have to say, I agree with the post you originally made so you’ve got at least one Brit that isn’t going to be sending pointless badly written “hate mail”

Keep up the good work

I picture more of a Sweeney Todd scenario, with crooked yellow teeth. Probably more like the people you are getting hate mail from.

Well you have to remember that the UK is a nation of text messages. Everyone seems to use the Text message more than the calling. With this in mind, when your lazy and your text messaging you abbreviate. Unfortunately this has crossed over to normal typing and that’s where it all goes down hill.

Once I watched a show about juvenile delinquents around the world and they came to a girl’s facility in London or something and they were showing these “bad ass” British girls. They were yelling at each other in their cute little accents trying to sound tough. I fell off the couch laughing. It was so proper sounding even for an argument I figured that must be what all angry British people sound like. Hilarious.

[quote comment="4068"][quote comment="4064"]

Want to by a dildo? It feels real…..[/quote]

Have any plastic vagina?[/quote]

Plastic? No… but we do have some lovely models with hair and genuine herpes.

[quote comment="4069"]Please don’t judge the crappy hate mail based on the chav speak, some of us actually know how to spell and put together a well thought out argument and pictures of random fat kids are not appealing to the entire UK.

[/quote]

I heard random fat kid magazine was a huge seller over there.

[quote comment="4070"]I picture more of a Sweeney Todd scenario, with crooked yellow teeth. Probably more like the people you are getting hate mail from.[/quote]

Ah, that makes sense

[quote comment="4072"]Once I watched a show about juvenile delinquents around the world and they came to a girl’s facility in London or something and they were showing these “bad ass” British girls. They were yelling at each other in their cute little accents trying to sound tough. I fell off the couch laughing. It was so proper sounding even for an argument I figured that must be what all angry British people sound like. Hilarious.[/quote]

did they slap each other in the face with gloves?

I work with an english woman, and she is totally prim and proper, even when she’s arguining with someone. I love the Gallagher brothers/Oasis reference!!

First the Tooth Fairy, followed closely by the Easter Bunny and Santa…and now this?

Damn.

Anyone who uses the following: LOL, cos, ur, etc outside of texting or im’ing is an idiot. And even then…

Yes, I hold LOL in contempt- I said it! LMAO, and the like are slightly better to me, but not really. You can’t take the time to type “you are”- really? Really?!

I am a big lover of slang but when people get lazy while typing hate mail I draw the line. Don’t they know it takes the sting out of their vitriol to have the reader laugh at their stupidity?

I hate the poms cos they think us Aussies are just a bunch of convicts!

I used to think of the English as having some of the classiness we dumb yanks always seem to expect - then I spent some time getting to know them. Fucak all mate - talk about inbred yokels.

I much prefer the Aussies - no pretense, no arrogance.

Don’t even get me started on the British men. The only reason they are probably even responding to this, and getting angry about your posts is that they can’t confront people or share their feelings with real human beings. Yes, I still think it is completely bass ackwards here in regards to human emotions… ‘musn’t grumble’ as they like to say. Hence, why all my relationships with British men have been doomed - at least they aren’t as reserved in bed… Ok, I should get back in my box now.

[quote comment="4077"]I work with an english woman, and she is totally prim and proper, even when she’s arguining with someone. I love the Gallagher brothers/Oasis reference!![/quote]

gotta love the English

[quote comment="4082"]I hate the poms cos they think us Aussies are just a bunch of convicts![/quote]

What the fuck is a pom?

[quote comment="4078"]First the Tooth Fairy, followed closely by the Easter Bunny and Santa…and now this?

Damn.[/quote]

I am sorry to destroy the myth

Hello old chap!

The sad truth is that brittish youth would do anything to be american and have a really bad “little brother complex”. I should know as the youth of Sweden aspire to be like the kids in the UK AND US but are to scared to go all the way with it.

Guess why I’m moving to the other side of the world? Teenagers scare me and if I stay much longer I will be sent to prison soon for putting my foot down one of their throats when they are screaming to the latest hip-hop crap on the tube during rush hour.
Ta now!
/A

PS. I think all people are stupid, has nothing to do with BMI and/or nationality.

[quote comment="4081"]Anyone who uses the following: LOL, cos, ur, etc outside of texting or im’ing is an idiot. And even then…

Yes, I hold LOL in contempt- I said it! LMAO, and the like are slightly better to me, but not really. You can’t take the time to type “you are”- really? Really?!

I am a big lover of slang but when people get lazy while typing hate mail I draw the line. Don’t they know it takes the sting out of their vitriol to have the reader laugh at their stupidity?[/quote]

I totally just said LOL outloud… I lol’d you in real life… blech

[quote comment="4083"]I used to think of the English as having some of the classiness we dumb yanks always seem to expect - then I spent some time getting to know them. Fucak all mate - talk about inbred yokels.

I much prefer the Aussies - no pretense, no arrogance.[/quote]

and they have that cool chant… aussie, aussie, aussie

[quote comment="4084"]Hence, why all my relationships with British men have been doomed - at least they aren’t as reserved in bed… Ok, I should get back in my box now.[/quote]

Just when it started to get good

[quote comment="4088"]

PS. I think all people are stupid, has nothing to do with BMI and/or nationality.[/quote]

I am learning that slowly.

Do we really expect so much from those people, many of whom still walk around with something akin to algae on their teeth?

the english to me conjur up nothing but bad teeth. crooked, brown, gappy teeth.

It wouldn’t be so sad if all of the missives weren’t so mock worthy. Most of the Brits I know give me a hard time for my assault on the English language and here are prime examples of why I just ignore the stodgy folks whose familes could obviously afford education beyond the pale.

A sycophant is an ass kisser. There should have been a question mark after “What gives…” A conjunction such as “and” should be properly balanced. What is on one side of the conjunction should be represented on the other. Does no nation make their children do sentence diagrams anymore? Was I truly the last age group tortured by the infernal things? What about using dictionaries? Are the youth of today so sappily assured of their syntax and meaning that they have no qualms about making sure the words they are abusing actually and accurately fit the sentence and use to which they’ve been applied?

If any of these Illiterati (yes, I made it up and I like the word) had spent a moment they would have exercised a brain cell long enough to realize that after Jon-Benet and Natalie Holloway (my, my mama and daddy are dating) that the United States is full-up of this sort of biased reporting. Where is their outrage over the two teens who stole a black toddler, killed the boy then dismembered his body along railroad tracks at the turn of the new century? The media frenzy was rather limp and lifeless. Then there was the black youngster who disappeared and reappeared only as a headless torso some weeks after (late 1990s). He had been kidnapped in London and sold into use for some extreme blood-based ritual. I don’t recall a huge outcry then for his safe return, his face platered all over the news. In fact, there was mild shock, outrage and disgust and a mild dose of media looking for his mystery killer. Instead the outlets’ stories focused on how weird foreign faiths were making a mess on English soil.

Basically, they can all shut the fuck up. Regardless of location.

[quote comment="4067"]I’m a fat and stupid dude from Texas![/quote]

Stand tall and be proud

I’m kind of an anglophile, although that doesn’t mean that I have an idealized picture of the British in my head. I suppose it’s that they’re unfamiliar…even their idiots are unfamiliar idiots, whereas I know what Americans are like. Sigh.

Aw kev,
You are right, that is disappointing hate mail.

If you do the Di blog out of spite..
Well, I can only imagine what you will get!

I still think you should go with the “Puff” piece I told you about!

im english and im proud !!! i know you lot over there dont really understand us, but some of us do like going out getting trashed and having a good time ( northeners )(but you can pick on people in south they are like that ) (lol) ,i agree on the maddie thing though to a point,

lol even my spelling crap lol

I cannot belive people can get so bent out of shape over a blog.

I gave u my 2 cents about the blog, I agreed 100%

I’m gonna google some random fat kids now because its my day off, and fat kids make me giggle..
Happy monday!

My boyfriend went to London and a guy tried to mug him. Remembering that there are no guns in England, and the mugger didn’t even have a knife, and Boyfriend had about 5 inches and 50 lbs on the mugger he wasn’t having it. The conversation went like this,
Brit Mugger: Give me your money!
Boyfriend: Why?
Brit Mugger: I’m mugging you.
Boyfriend: No you’re not.
Brit Mugger: Can I have your money?
Boyfriend: You can’t ask to rob me!!
Brit Mugger: That’s logical.

All in all the mugger didn’t get his money and ended up showing Boyfriend a cool Pub where the mugger bought him a couple of pints. It was quite surreal. The guy was quite polite.

Well, I totally thought that the English would be able to spell better than we do. I guess I was totally wrong on that assumption.

But I have always envisoned them being prim and proper. I would have never thought they would have said fucktards. I thought that it was just a US thing.

But whenever I hear english people speak, it reminds me of the kelloggs commercial. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQNKuXkOR0U

Makes me laugh everytime.

Being half Irish and half Jamaican, I may have it out a bit for the English, that being said: they’re hypocritical bastards that have been dropping the ball from the Suez Crisis all the way up till right here and now with the Iraqi debacle. If I have to listen to one more snide limey bastard shit talk about OUR policies, I swear to St. George I’m gonna throw a cuppa on someone.

[quote comment="4086"][quote comment="4082"]I hate the poms cos they think us Aussies are just a bunch of convicts![/quote]

What the fuck is a pom?[/quote]

Aussie slang for a proper englishman:

Pom, pommy : an Englishman
Pommy bastard : an Englishman
Pommy shower : using deodorant instead of taking a shower
Pommy’s towel, as dry as a : very dry - based on the canard that Poms bathe about once a month

I knew all that time in Oz would pay off one day.

I think Eddie Izzard, a Brit nonetheless, summed up the british attitude towards the rest of the world… they put their hands over their ears and go la la la la we’re not listening.

I 100% agree with you that if the kid was black or in any way not of the ruling caucasion class it wouldn’t have gotten near the same amount of press coverage. This fact has been over and over here in the states.

I toast you

WOW!!! i am so heart broken i cant believe they talk like that i really thought they all talked like propper and with cute cockney accents and all that jazz! i really cant believe it!!!

England is full of people running around saying “tally-ho”, in the same way that Scotland is full of hairy ginger men in kilts shouting “you may take our lives…”

Come to Scotland and we can laugh at the English from a safe distance.

p.s. everyone secretly loves to laugh at fat kids

“Chip, chip, cheerio… Lord Falkenberry.”

HAHAHAH!

P.S. - It’s not the English we need to be worried about…it’s the French.

As a Texan, I take exception to being associated with obesity and stupidity. I am neither of those, and while I realize the remark was a bit tongue-in-cheek on your part, I’m probably smarter than the combination of all your hate-mailers from the UK, so sod off, old chap.

as a brit i have to say that most types of people who use terms such as ‘fair do’s’ are the type of neo-chauvs which really need to be dispatched

if you like i shall give you a good old example of classic british complaining

‘how do you do kevin
one was terribly offended by your article regarding madeline mccann i truly hope that you die in some form of accident’

please note thats hypothetical i actually agree with your article

I suppose I agreed with your original Madeleine McCann article but at the end of the day you’ve gotta remember that the longer the story is kept in the media and the more aware people are of it the more chance that she’ll be found. Can you blame her parents for ‘hogging’ the spotlight when it means there’s a better chance of their little girl being found? I guess they should be thanking you for giving the story a little more coverage then Kevin :p

And I envisage Americans as fat, ignorant, uncultured lovable morons (from Texas).

when i think of england all i can envision is MARY POPPINS…with dick van dyke doing a horrible english accent but how can you not love him?

Out-fucking-standing Kevin! As a Brit living in Texas I have a foot in both camps as it were. I don’t speak (or spell) like Vinnie Jones or the Gallaghers and we absolutely ALL dress like the powdered fops in the picture. The whole Madeleine McCann thing gets right on my tits too. There is a direct correlation with UK media exposure on missing kids (only cute ones of course) and the proximity to school holidays. The McCann child went missing around spring half-term and the massive tabloid coverage serves to whip everyone into a frenzy on the perceived danger to their kids during the holidays. The sad truth is that kids go missing every day of the year and very few of them receive such coverage. And yeah, what the hell were they doing leaving a four year old unattended?
Oh and most Texans are fat and stupid!

Hey Kevin, that blog was politically incorrect but I still liked it. I know you don’t hate missing children. Most of us ‘got it’ (I think), I guess alot of people didn’t. That’s life.

It doesn’t really surprise me that there are Brits that can’t spell or make any sense out of words because it’s a global problem. I think United Nations should address it. ASAP.

Honestly, I think of all English people to be like my Mother’s family. It is for this reason that I’m afraid to ever go.

I don’t know about imagining the English to sound prim and proper, but i do hear a jolly old accent when I think about them. I sort of have a mental image of Dick Van Dyke from Mary Poppins in my head, and it goes without saying that all the English are chimmney sweepers in their spare time LOL

I was gone for the day and I got a shitload of good comments.

First of all the dick van dyke references are killing me because that is all I can hear in my head.

Second, I guess people are dumb everywhere, I just want the British to be prim and proper.

I have to run otherwise I would just hit here and comment back but I am in the process of selling my car… fun and good times.