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Jun
12

The Single Greatest Summer Job Ever

By: Bobby Finstock on 06/12/07 @ 5:14 am

During the summer after my sophomore year in college I moved back to near where I went to high school to live with my Uncle for the summer. One of my best friends growing up had landed a job at the college near where we lived being a “mover.” He told me to apply because they needed another person to fill the other position, and we figured it would be fun to work together. Little did I know that I would be applying for the single greatest summer job ever.

This was job that paid really well compared to the other crappy jobs that people take in the summer, plus since it was a state job, well there wasn’t always that much to do. Our job consisted of filling work orders and moving whatever was on said work order. Usually we could get all three work orders filled within an hour or two. Since moving three different desks in a day really doesn’t fill eight hours, we had to figure out how to fill rest of our time.

They gave us a truck to drive around campus, so we made sure to explore the entire place. If we went out drinking the night before we could always just find an empty dorm room and collapse on a bed. Or we could go surf the internet in the computer center. Basically we found creative ways to spend the day, including chucking water balloons at the students that did landscaping drive by style. The most amount of time we wasted though was looking at the daughter of the women that ran the landscaping crew, she was in her late teens or early twenties and always wore half shirts. She was totally and utterly smoking hot but she had a massive scar at the bottom of her stomach, which we debated if it was a C-Section scar or something from a horrible vibrator accident.

c section

The greatest thing though was when we were asked to move folding tables and chairs. One day we had to break down a conference center, we were told to throw any of the damaged tables out in the burn pile out back, where it would be used for the homecoming bonfire. Since we were incredibly lazy, we determined that at least half of the tables that we had should be dumped back there, even though some were probably brand new.

On our drive out to the pile we got into a discussion about how these tables looked like the tables that wrestlers went through. Knowing that wrestling is fake and bullshit, we talked about how much it would hurt going through the tables, if at all. Deciding that the only way to figure this out was to test it out ourselves, we headed over to the track and field building. Using the mats from the building we padded one of the tables, I climbed up on top of pile of high jump mats and dove off through the table. It was painless, so we decided for our next experiment I should try it without the mats.

table smash

We went out back towards the bonfire pile and place a table near the truck. I climbed onto the roof of the truck and dove through the table, breaking it with ease and only getting a scratch from the metal edge. I continued to jump through all the tables we had brought back there, increasing the degree of difficulty with each one and trying new things. Finally we got to the last table which was made of a different material than the ones I had been jumping through and had a little thicker constitution. I debated my friend on the merits of trying to go through this table, his reply was of course the goad, “Don’t be a pussy.”

Predictably I climbed to the top of the truck again and launched my body off. This time though the table didn’t snap like all the others, it buckled down by about a foot and then acted like a trampoline springing me about seven feet in the air and onto the ground where I landed like I was doing a bellyflop. My friend fell to the ground crying because he was laughing so hard, while I rolled around in pain and debating if I should try it again.

Lesson learned: Thicker isn’t always better.

What have you been goaded into doing that was totally stupid or what was your favorite summer job?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

33 Responses to “The Single Greatest Summer Job Ever”

  1. John--Softball Stud says:

    Nothing comes to mind. I was usually the friend on the ground laughing my ass off.

  2. April says:

    Damn right thicker is always better ;) …That was so freaking funny! Your lucky you didn’t hurt yourself badly. Too bad there is no video of this i would like to see it.

  3. cigar smoking, hung over lawyer says:

    I have been goaded into too many stupid things to tell. The best summer job I had was to test the chemicals in all the swimming pools regulated by the state health department – pretty much every pool but private residence. It was cushy and I even had the added beneift of have two nudist camps on my route.

    This job was like a family secret – I was told to apply by a cousin who had it before me, and I in turn told another cousin about it when I left. As far as I know my family and friends have held this summer jobs for about 10 years running.

  4. Jem says:

    That has got to be the best summer job of all times.

  5. Inga says:

    The only thing I can think of to say is “Boys will be boys”… I would probably be the person telling the guy rolling around laughing to stop it and then ask if you were ok. Probably because I am a real pussy when it comes to stuff like that.

    Can’t wait to have sons of my own when reading this!

    3 Kudos!

  6. Fiona says:

    Favourite summer job? Simple. I bartended. I was allowed to drink anything I wanted for free, play pool for free and eat for free. I spent the whole day hanging out with the punters, drinking and got paid for it. It was magic.

    Dumbest thing goaded into? Seeing who could headbutt a car door and leave the biggest dent. I didn’t win, but the headache was the hallmark of a damned good run.

  7. Manda says:

    wow. there’s only one thing i can think of that was remotely close. when i was about five, i was at my grandparent’s house and my aunt sunni (only 21 now, i’m 20) and i were outside in the carport playing. she was climbing some old furniture and wanted me to follow. i didn’t really want to, told her, and she proceeded to call me a big fat chicken. so, i climbed the furniture, not knowing that there was a piece of wood with a nail in it.
    well, needless to say.. the nail met with my eyebrow and a trip to the ER followed and three stitches.
    i wasn’t made fun of for about 2 weeks, and then she saw the scar.

  8. Christina says:

    Wow, my best summer job doesnt even come close to your best summer job. My best summer job was waiting tables at Chili’s and all the drinking I did that summer. Great blog once again. I love waking up to this shit!!

  9. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3721"]Nothing comes to mind. I was usually the friend on the ground laughing my ass off.[/quote]

    So you goad your friends into doing stupid stuff?

  10. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3722"]Damn right thicker is always better ;) …That was so freaking funny! Your lucky you didn’t hurt yourself badly. Too bad there is no video of this i would like to see it.[/quote]

    Believe me if this was happening now and I was the same age we would be videotaping it.

  11. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3723"]

    This job was like a family secret – I was told to apply by a cousin who had it before me, and I in turn told another cousin about it when I left. As far as I know my family and friends have held this summer jobs for about 10 years running.[/quote]

    That is great, it is better than that crappy watch my family keeps recycling.

  12. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3724"]That has got to be the best summer job of all times.[/quote]

    Although my cracking back might disagree

  13. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3725"]The only thing I can think of to say is “Boys will be boys”… I would probably be the person telling the guy rolling around laughing to stop it and then ask if you were ok. Probably because I am a real pussy when it comes to stuff like that.

    Can’t wait to have sons of my own when reading this!

    3 Kudos![/quote]

    You can be my nurse any time.

  14. John--Softball Stud says:

    [quote comment="3729"][quote comment="3721"]Nothing comes to mind. I was usually the friend on the ground laughing my ass off.[/quote]

    So you goad your friends into doing stupid stuff?[/quote]

    Sure…as long as they don’t end up in the hospital…

  15. Jimmy says:

    Wow, that was one hell of a job.

  16. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3726"]Favourite summer job? Simple. I bartended. I was allowed to drink anything I wanted for free, play pool for free and eat for free. I spent the whole day hanging out with the punters, drinking and got paid for it. It was magic.

    Dumbest thing goaded into? Seeing who could headbutt a car door and leave the biggest dent. I didn’t win, but the headache was the hallmark of a damned good run.[/quote]

    I have ALWAYS wanted to bartend. I have no idea why, I just want to do it. As far as headbutting, we decided to break these foam style boards over our heads when we had to break them, Okay that really had nothing to do with running your head into a car door I just wanted to share that.

  17. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3727"]wow. there’s only one thing i can think of that was remotely close. when i was about five, i was at my grandparent’s house and my aunt sunni (only 21 now, i’m 20) and i were outside in the carport playing. she was climbing some old furniture and wanted me to follow. i didn’t really want to, told her, and she proceeded to call me a big fat chicken. so, i climbed the furniture, not knowing that there was a piece of wood with a nail in it.
    well, needless to say.. the nail met with my eyebrow and a trip to the ER followed and three stitches.
    i wasn’t made fun of for about 2 weeks, and then she saw the scar.[/quote]

    Wow, that is no good… so close to the eye… See it is all fun and games until someone comes close to losing an eye

  18. Em Em says:

    I have never had an awesome summer job. Ever. =(. As far as being goaded into something stupid, I managed to escape unscathed but once we convinced my youngest brother to “skateboard” down a huge hill, only the skateboard was a “roller racer” (these incredibly stupid toys you were supposed to sit on). I don’t think he even lasted three seconds up on it before it flew out from under his feet and he managed to slam into a parked car before falling and skidding down the street. Nobody else tried it after that…

  19. Jimmy says:

    where the fuck did my first comment go!?!?!?!?

  20. Fiona says:

    [quote comment="3736"][quote comment="3726"]Favourite summer job? Simple. I bartended. I was allowed to drink anything I wanted for free, play pool for free and eat for free. I spent the whole day hanging out with the punters, drinking and got paid for it. It was magic.

    Dumbest thing goaded into? Seeing who could headbutt a car door and leave the biggest dent. I didn’t win, but the headache was the hallmark of a damned good run.[/quote]

    I have ALWAYS wanted to bartend. I have no idea why, I just want to do it. As far as headbutting, we decided to break these foam style boards over our heads when we had to break them, Okay that really had nothing to do with running your head into a car door I just wanted to share that.[/quote]

    Everyone should bartend at least once. Not only do you earn respect for the hospitality industry making you less of a jerk, but it’s a shit load of fun. Plus, drinking from 8am to 2am is always a good time when you are 18.
    The car door thing was dumb, sticking to foam was a much smarter (if not lamer) thing.

  21. Inga says:

    [quote comment="3733"]

    You can be my nurse any time.[/quote]

    Well I’m not sure you would want me to as I would also wear shirts showing my tummy and not an actual nurses outfit, I could get one just for you though tough guy! :)

  22. Katie says:

    I just wanted to leave a comment, because everyone else is

    and yes I fall victim to peer pressure pretty easily.

  23. ~willow~ says:

    Heh… if i’ve done “stupid” stuff like that I think I’ve blanked them allllll out, LoL! [dropping by via the "let's play a new game" thread at Blog Catalog, btw]

  24. Duane says:

    I never had a good summer job. About the stupidest thing I did was streaking in a graveyard.

  25. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3728"]Wow, my best summer job doesnt even come close to your best summer job. My best summer job was waiting tables at Chili’s and all the drinking I did that summer. Great blog once again. I love waking up to this shit!![/quote]

    I never had a restaurant job filled with drinking and hooking up.

  26. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3738"]I have never had an awesome summer job. Ever. =(. As far as being goaded into something stupid, I managed to escape unscathed but once we convinced my youngest brother to “skateboard” down a huge hill, only the skateboard was a “roller racer” (these incredibly stupid toys you were supposed to sit on). I don’t think he even lasted three seconds up on it before it flew out from under his feet and he managed to slam into a parked car before falling and skidding down the street. Nobody else tried it after that…[/quote]

    That is so cruel, yet so awesome

  27. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3740"]

    Everyone should bartend at least once. Not only do you earn respect for the hospitality industry making you less of a jerk, but it’s a shit load of fun. Plus, drinking from 8am to 2am is always a good time when you are 18.
    The car door thing was dumb, sticking to foam was a much smarter (if not lamer) thing.[/quote]

    I don;’t know if my body could handle the 8am to 2am thing anymore

  28. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3741"][quote comment="3733"]

    You can be my nurse any time.[/quote]

    Well I’m not sure you would want me to as I would also wear shirts showing my tummy and not an actual nurses outfit, I could get one just for you though tough guy! :) [/quote]

    I know where you can order them

  29. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3743"]I just wanted to leave a comment, because everyone else is

    and yes I fall victim to peer pressure pretty easily.[/quote]

    Well now you are in the club

  30. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="3744"]Heh… if i’ve done “stupid” stuff like that I think I’ve blanked them allllll out, LoL! [dropping by via the "let's play a new game" thread at Blog Catalog, btw][/quote]

    well thanks for coming by

  31. sporkgasm says:

    i only had one summer job and it sucked rocks…working the info booth at the state fair. all of the mutants would come up and ask where shit was and i would just frown while handing them a map. it was brutal.
    i have been goaded into doing so many stupid things i don’t know where to begin. okay, one involves riding home on the hood of my friend’s z3 at 2 am from the bar. yeah, smart drinker i was.

  32. Tori says:

    Of course you would think about doing it again. Who wouldn’t?

  33. AMANDA says:

    All my summer jobs SUCKED. Babysitting little bastards and washing spit off the walls at a nursing home.

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