Massaging the shoulders never works

Last night I had some important work to do that required me to use the internet, my internet service at the house had been down since noon yesterday so I had to go to campus to finish something up. (Just so you know if I ever meet the President of HughesNet I am going to poke out his eyes and have revenge sex with his skull…. I mean that in the nicest possible way.)

While in the library was treated to a case study of how not to get a girl into bed. There were these two people across from me using a computer working on a group project, they both looked to be 18 or 19. One was a guy that just had the smell of desperation about him, he wasn’t a mutant and dressed normally but you could totally tell he was the type of guy that tried way to hard, popped collar and all. The other was a fairly attractive girl, nothing to write home about, but she wasn’t exactly someone I would kick out of bed. (Although I have said I wanted to sleep with Bea Arthur so I don’t know if I am a good barometer.)

The entire two hours that I was there, this girl was working on the project and the guy was shamelessly hitting on her. You could kind of pick up she was just trying to get the thing done, but she didn’t want to totally blow him off and piss him off because she did need his input on some of the things.

In watching this guy try to “work it” I had a case study in what not to do, here are some of the things I picked up.

1) The creepy should massage- With about a half hour left popped collar got up and said, “I feel bad that you are doing all the typing, here.” He then proceeded to giver the girl an unrequested shoulder massage, she didn’t tell him to stop but her facial expression kind of made it obvious that she wasn’t happy.

They creepy shoulder massage is the worst move ever, it is supposed to be reserved for sexually harassing bosses or the inappropriate cousin, other than that nobody should be able to do it. I was waiting to see if he slipped and did the semi boob grab.

2) Using the word “muff” in a conversation with a girl- Last I checked “muff” wasn’t back in as a term to use. So using it in a conversation with a girl and referring to yourself as the muff diving champion of your dorm was not a way to get laid.

Furthermore, when you drop something under the table and make a comment about “muff” while under said table picking said item up, well you are one step away from being that rapist Peppy Le Pew.

3) Repeating the fact that you are transferring and this is your last night together- When you keep telling the girl that you are transferring schools and this is your last night together you don’t need to repeat it 7 times during the conversation. Changing how you phrase it or acting disappointed that you won’t be around her anymore doesn’t make it okay to mind numbingly restate the fact over and over. Usually when she doesn’t say she is going to miss you or tells you that it sucks that you are leaving, well she doesn’t care.

I wonder her if he thought she was just going to mount him right there on the desk?

Anyways so what I want to know is what do you think is the worst move: the unrequested massage, using bad sexual terminology, dropping hints about you moving, or something else?