Mirror Mirror on the Wall

I have been evicted from my house, well not really. There has been a minor termite problem in our garage and I am staying at a hotel for three days, while it gets tented and fumigated. Last night I stayed here in solitude, not by choice really, but because my nephew’s fish were here and he didn’t want them to be alone. So I got picked to stay by myself in this town house style setup, which was pretty nice because I was able to get a ton of stuff done.

However this morning I found something out that was rather disconcerting. In the bathroom in my room there is a full length mirror on the wall that you can look at while on the groan throne.

In other words, you can watch yourself taking a shit.

Never in my life have I been in a bathroom that has allowed me to do this. Basically I have spent thirty years on this planet never knowing how I looked while taking a dump, and I honestly wish I could have went my entire life without knowing.

First of all if the expression I make while going number two is the same expression I make while having sex, it is a wonder a girl has ever come back for seconds. While seeing the face I made, I came to the realization that I utterly disgust myself.

Also whose idea of a sick joke was it to design the bathroom like that?

Craig: Are you done designing the bathrooms for the new Marriott yet?

Jeff: *Snicker* Yeah… Uh this is my last assignment, I quit… (Starts laughing hysterically)

This whole experience got me thinking about when I was little. A kid on my street named Ryan and I were playing in his backyard when he informed me that he had to poop. In a cosmic twist of fate I also had to poop, which I shared with Ryan, because well, kids tell each other these things.

After we both announced our shared need to defecate Ryan dropped this brilliant idea on me, “Hey did you ever wonder what your poop looked like coming out? Why don’t I pull down my pants and poop, so you can see. Then you pull down your pants and poop so I can see?”

Needless to say I ran home about ten seconds after he said, “I can see.” I didn’t hang out at Ryan’s house rest of the summer.

Excuse me, I have to go take a look at my ass while I pee standing up.

Have you ever seen what you looked like when you pooped?