An Open Letter to the Rap/Hip Hop Industry

Hey guys,

It’s me Kevin, a white male that lives in the suburbs, in other words your target market, you can admit it, it is ok. Recently you have been called out about the language you use in your music, which to be honest I could care less about. It really ranks pretty low on things I have a problem with. However, since you are trying to do all this reform there are a few things that I would like to see changed.

1) NO more skits on albums-

These offend me more than the language you use because lets face it, they’re not funny. To be honest they are really stupid and make the Redneck comedy tour look like George Carlin.

First of all, do you really need to do anything where you record a bong rip or you coughing after smoking weed? Lets face it, at this point you are preaching to the choir in America, it is no longer counter culture now it just looks like you are late to the game. In fact you are doing the same drug that fans of the Dead have been doing for years, how gangster is that? My advice, stick to crack…

A) it is much more counter culture
B) we hopefully can thin the herd of crappy rap artists

It is a win/win situation for everyone involved.

My other problem with the skits are the ones where we listen to you having sex, finishing having sex, or have women offering sex to you. To me it seems like you are recording it for posterity… Wait let me use some street vernacular, you were a no pussy getting mother fucker before you sign a record contract and now you gotta show that you can catch some trim.

Does anyone use trim anymore? Screw it I am reintroducing it to the world.

2) Please remember if you want to keep your street cred, don’t ride a segway-

I remember when 50 Cent came out and he was bragging how many times he has been shot. He would always come around wearing a kevlar vest and talked about how his cars had like bullet proof glass, because he had to worry about his life.

I thought, “Damn that is some straight ass gangsta shit.” But I turn on HBO a few weeks back to “24/7″ the reality show leading up to the big fight and there is 50 Cent cruising around on a segway. How white is that?

What says geeky and rich more than a segway? 50 Cent your new nickname is Gob…

And you know what made it worse, it didn’t have 20 inch rims on them.

Those are my two major points, but beyond that I have a list of some smaller grievances.

-don’t allow athletes to record albums
-do more videos with you jumping through signs like the NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton Video”
-please someone tell Nelly the band aid thing is really fucking stupid, well if anyone can find Nelly

-More stripper poles and less booty ass shaking in videos
-Stop trying to make up random words that don’t make sense
-Stop trying to cross over to far… You can’t make a children’s video and then also have a porn line, yes Snoop I am talking to you

There you go hip hop industry, if you can get to these things when you have a chance I would deeply appreciate it.

Thanks,

Kevin

P.S.- Can you guys commit some real crimes already, I am sick of hearing about people getting pulled over for drunk driving, we haven’t had a shooting in awhile, please look into that.

Is there anything else I should tell the Rap/Hip Hop Industry?