I Know Who the Real Crabby Is

For those of you who don’t really read a lot of blogs on myspace, every few months there is like a giant shit stirring where everyone fights and is at each others throats. Recently someone created a fake profile and bashed other bloggers which got a bunch of peoples’ panties into a bunch. I sat back and watched from afar because after being on here three years it took me awhile to learn to avoid bullshit, because well… this is myspace, who fucking cares.

But the fallout of all this is that people are accusing this person and that person and that person of being the fake profile. The thing is everyone is totally off and wrong, I will reveal the person behind the fake profile, it was…

AL ROKER

Now I know a lot of people are shocked by this revelation and think I am just taking a big piss out of the situation. But if you really think about it the evidence is there, you just need to look deep into the situation.

Al Roker was always the fat kid growing up; picked on, bullied, and in general the laughing stock of his school. He turned to the weather, which he controls, to lift his spirits and gain popularity. After climbing through the local weather ranks and fine tuning his power using tornados to wipe out every trailer park of the kids that picked on him growing up, he decided to set his sights on the national stage. Eventually he blackmailed NBC into putting him onto the Today show because the threatened to strike Katie Couric with lightening.

Roker thought he found happiness on the national stage, but alas it wasn’t to be, there he was forced to send out birthday greetings to really old people and play the clown on the Today Show. This upset Roker, leading to an increase in hurricanes, which people conveniently blamed on global warming. Finally Roker determined to be “cool” he needed to lose the weight.

After sacrificing newborn Asian children to his sun god Roker, lost a ton of weight. He thought this would make him happy, but it didn’t, people actually liked him less because he wasn’t the jolly fat goofball anymore.

In desperation Roker turned to the myspace blogosphere to gain the popularity he so desired. After trying to steal numerous writing styles and techniques including posting pictures and asking people to caption them, writing about blow jobs, bashing the shows on ABC, answering questions from Parade Magazine, trying to get girls to write “Al” on his chest, writing poetry with fancy pictures, participating in tag blogs, and writing ask me anything blogs; Roker became very upset and jealous at anyone that had more people reading him. Roker, complained to Matt Lauer often about this saying, “But I am fucking AL ROKER…. Give me phone sex Matt.”

Eventually Roker snapped creating a fake profile and thus became Crabby.

Al Roker is also responsible for the following:

1- The return of flip flops
2- The death of Anna Nicole
3- Britney shaving her head.
4- Bush getting re-elected.
5- The death of Pat Tillman.
6- He is also running the Cuban government while Castro is sick.

So there you have it, I have solved the major puzzle for everyone.

What would you like to blame Al Roker for?