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Mysteries from My Youth

By: Bobby Finstock on 04/27/07 @ 5:18 am

There are some things I will never have an answer for as a kid growing up…

Adam’s parents logic….

My friend Adam’s parents had a closet in their bedroom, which doubled as their office, that had the following items:

-Christmas Presents


Whose bright idea was that? Like we weren’t ever going to go looking in there? Could there be a worse combination of things to store together? I have never been able to understand what they were thinking. It is the equivalent of a drug mule putting a bag of coke into a carry on bag with milkbones, a kitten, and 2 porterhouse steaks. “Yeah the drug sniffing dogs won’t go near that bag.”

Why Robyn never celebrated any holidays

There was this girl Robyn in our class, she was the only kid that had to leave the room whenever we had a Christmas party, Halloween party, etc… I still don’t know what her religion was. It had to suck sitting in the library reading books while we were all getting sugar highs. I always liked to believe she was a practicing satanist, but that is just me.

Why Travis Told…

In sixth grade we discovered my friend TJ’s parent’s stash of porn. Just like my friend Adam’s parents it was hidden with the Christmas presents and other things kids would want to go looking for. It was a tape of three movies that looked like they copied onto one single VHS.

The first movie was a cheerleader movie which was your typical cheesy 80s porn, nothing really note worthy. The next movie was centered around a cruise ship… And the third… I shit you not was….

Dickman and Throbin’

Yeah you can use your imagination for the double team crime fighting action.

Well anyways Travis, TJ, and I were watching the movie when TJ’s parents came home. We quickly put the movie back when TJ’s parents came into the house and asked, “What are you guys up to?” Now this wasn’t asked in an accusatory tone in the least, it was said in a rather playful manner.

Travis starts to cry and comes clean with everything. Telling them that we not only found the movie, the christmas presents, but the giant black rubber dick that was there too…

Most awkward moment ever… For both groups of people.

What is a question you will never get an answer to from growing up? And have you ever been caught watching porn?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

2 Responses to “Mysteries from My Youth”

  1. says:

    God forbid you meet my dad but when we were kids we’d snoop through drawers and I know these were gifts but still… I found a thong-like devices that is a red satin elephant face and a cup with a nipple you could sip through. Oh. The horrors. I always knew where the stash of Playboys were. My first introduction to masturbation.
    TMI? Maybe…

  2. says:

    Uh… possibly TMI

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