Planning for the future
I was thinking the other day that maybe my path that I kind of have laid out for myself isn’t the best move. Grad school or some of the other options I have really seem to be so, I don’t know, time consuming. So I have decided to open things up for other options, different ways to change my life.
The Lynette Pomeroy method- I figure I could get knocked up by someone that is in the Naval Officer candidate school. Sure there might be some biological and anatomy issues but in reality I can also fake it and tell them that my period is late. Hopefully they will do the right thing and ask me to marry them, after our hastily done vows in front of the justice of the peace I can pretend to have a miscarriage, yet he will still be trapped being married to me. *Sigh* I hope he gets stationed in Hawaii.
The NBA- Sure I am only six foot tall, white, and have the vertical jump of a one legged, retarded rhino but I think I have excellent floor vision. I can really only help the leagues image out, it isn’t like I have to actually play, just think about the headlines, “Grumpy, White Thirty-something Signed by the Knicks”. I am helping them market to the audience that they are losing so rapidly. It is a win/win situation, where else would I be able to get a job where I can knock up 20 different women across the United States, carry firearms, and smoke a tremendous about of weed and be glorified for it?
American Idol- Fuck, if he is still around….
I have to have a better than average shot, right?
International Hand Model- I use tons of lotion when I abuse myself in my no no touchy spot, so my hands are super soft. Sure I have random hair growing above the nail on both my ring fingers and I occasionally bite my nails but I think this is something that can be worked around. Yeah I might fall into the jet set fast life, with me flying from coast to coast and doing tons of coke. Maybe I will develop an eating disorder hoping to always keep my hands thin.
On second thought, maybe I should just keep doing what I am doing.
What are other totally unrealistic plans that people make in order to change their lives?
