(Below is a short sample section from my book, I figured I would show people what they would get with the intro to the piece and everything. In other words I am trying to get you hooked with a free sample of crack so you come back to buy. If it works for drug dealers it has to work for me.)
For some reason I am continually shocked at the methods men go through to pick up women on the internet. Why is it that guys that have the balls enough to send messages out of the blue to women never have the intelligence to spell check it?
Also, how does idle chit-chat end up with the guy sending over a picture of his sausage or asking the women to electro-shock his balls by using an easy bake oven he modified? I don’t get it.
This next entry was a message my friend received, all of their spelling errors are left in intentionally, so don’t think I was too lazy to proof read. As for proof reading in the rest of the book, blame my laziness.
My comments are in italics.
I am so happy I am not female
Originally Posted- 12/04/04
Ok this was a message that my friend Lannsters received today. I think we need to break this down for the true meaning…
I have to say I am glad I am not female…
—–â€“ Original Message —–â€“
Date: Dec 4, 2004 03:35 PM
Hello is ok yes?
(OK… why would hello not be ok? This is already kind of creepy already… Asking permission on hello… I smell a freak)
I’m probably not what your looking for. But, what the hell!
(Confident… I like that in a man… Wait I don’t like men… If I did I would like confident men I guess. Nice understanding of your and you’re, that is two strikes already… Is he trying to play the shy angle here? I think we need to read further.)
my story, I guess it started back in the mid west, then moved on to the northwest where I spent most of my formative years then it was on to LA to follow my dream to be part of the film business. Which is were you find me today, working as a production designer.
(“It’s is a story about a girl that came from the farm to Hollywood to make it as an Ac-â€“tresssss… ” Ok if anyone gets that reference I would be shocked. Anyways… Could this be the most nondescript life story ever? Seriously a little detail would be nice. I guess he figures if he drops a reference that he works in the “business” that she will just fall over with her legs spread. I wonder what production designers on snuff films make anyways?)
Looking to find;
(Oh, just getting right to the good stuff.)
Maybe your that unique girl who is secure with herself & capable of handling what I asking for a sensual friendship built on openess and self discovery.
(This translates to I want to fuck you with zero commitment.)
Who isn’t afraid to try and won’t judge me ….. to harshly.
(Wait strike that last sentence from the record. This guy wants something more. Possibly dressing up in a diaper and being babied? Maybe something having to do with testicles and electro shock, you know it isn’t something run of the mill. I mean if I guy wants you to dress up like a cheerleader or something they wouldn’t write, “don’t judge”. This has to be a whole different level of perversion. Plus the whole asking for permission to say hi … it adds up to being a total freak.)
Someone who isn’t afraid to get to know me have fun and senually open….. with no strings … I know thats a lot to ask for but …………… Come on, lets have some fun.
(Come on… No strings… Zero percent financing… Great sales job. I mean seriously how do you go from I want you to tickle my anus with hairs from Charles Manson’s beard but don’t judge to closing the deal with this? Oh and spell check would have been helpful.)
I enjoy chatting with web-cam on yahoo IM for first meeting
(I want you to watch me strangle myself while jerking off…)
(Does this shit actually work?)
Click the image below to go buy my book:
Happy Easter everyone!
What is your favorite easter candy?