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The lingerie technology gap

By: Bobby Finstock on 04/4/07 @ 5:13 am

I was watching the season premiere of “The Shield” last night when a commercial came on for the Victoria Secrets IPEX Seamless Bra which they tout as the “”World’s Most Advanced Bra”. That this bra was an advancement in technology, revolutionary even, personally I didn’t realize there was a technology race in undergarments.


When did a few straps, hooks, and two cups take a step towards rocket science? I can’t wait to see what the next step in boxers technology is for men. I am going to make sure to sign up to Jockey’s mailing list tomorrow.

To be honest this excites me to no end, I mean what will Fredrick’s of Hollywood response be?

Are they sitting in a smoke filled room with their CEO screaming at a team of scientists, “We can’t fall behind in this technology race, you need to get back in the labs and get back to work. I don’t care the human lives that this costs or the money that is involved we can’t let them win.” What is their comeback?

Satellite radio technology embedded into the bra? Possibly an MP3 player?

I know maybe they will include special sensors to alert you on nipple erection, so you can take preemptive measures against titty hard ons. This would save numerous women from suffering the humiliation of unwanted glares and guys saying, “Is it cold in here?” Or even, “I think you left the headlights on.”

Maybe a GPS receiver for the girl with a casual moral attitude or a clap triggered alarm so you can find where the bra landed after being haphazardly tossed in the throws of passion the previous night.

Also I would like to share that the Victoria’s Secret website notes that the IPEX bra is “Virtually weightless. Maximum nipple coverage, minimal padding.”

Is nipple coverage really a feature that is listed when looking for a bra?

“No, I will not let my daughter by a bra that only offers 1/3 nipple coverage, we have STANDARDS in this home.”

This is all too much…. I am going to go and wait patiently for sock technology to be unleashed on the world. Maybe one with maximum absorption for when I am feeling a bit randy.

Are bras high technology? And what feature do you look for in your undergarments?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

One Response to “The lingerie technology gap”

  1. randi says:

    I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing but even padded bras do little to diminish the appearance of my nips. Hard all the time. Horny, cold, warm, sad… doesn’t matter.

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