Unfinished Lists

Usually when I run out of things to write about or don’t have a lot of time and want to post something quick I resort to lists. Well I have some lists lying around that I never completed so I figured I would just throw some of them out there because I felt like sharing I guess.

I would rather lick my ball sack than eat the following foods:

Peas/Mashed Potatoes/Cooked Carrots

It is totally a texture thing with these. I don’t know if it makes me feel like I am eating paste or I feel like a lump of this mushy shit is going to get lodged in my throat and make me choke to death. To be honest that is really the last way I want to go out choking to death on a wad of mashed potatoes, I wonder if they got stuck in my throat would it dry like cement? The thing is I will eat potatoes cooked in about a million different styles and I will eat regular carrots but once they hit the mushy stage all best are off.

But peas…. I have always hated, no matter what form they came in.

Cute little side story on the peas, when I was little I was forced to finish my dinner. So I would sit there until I was done, no matter how much I protested. Finally I figured out a method where I could hide the peas in the centerpiece of the table and return to get them later to throw them out. It worked for about a year until the one time I forgot to return and get the peas, they were discovered a week later due to a smell coming from the ceramic center piece.

Cheesy Crackers with Peanut Butter

What hideous cheese are these constructed from? Because my taste buds do not know a cheese that tastes like these orange crackers do. The thing is after you eat these you have the fake mutant cheese after taste in your mouth for at least four hours, no matter how much gum you have or what you drink you can still taste it in your mouth.

Things that make me a total pussy:

The water works come on every time I watch Searching for Bobby Fischer

Old Yeller- I don’t even react
Titanic- I laugh my ass off

For some reason I get a little weepy every single time I watch this movie. I can’t explain it, there is no event in the end that is ultimately tragic but I ball like a 9 year old girl after you use her Raggedy Ann doll for perverse sexual acts and return it to her with holes cut into the no no spot.

The only other movie that got me that bad was when I saw “Million Dollar Baby” in the movie theater the opening weekend it came out. I didn’t go in knowing the big twist or that there was anything remotely like that going to happen. I was fighting the water works as I left the theater, thank God I saw Jon Lovitz going into the shitter because it made me recover.

Things I need to see before I die:

The reunification of the Digital Underground (w/o Tupac for obvious reasons) with a one shot performance

If I could see them do the entire “Sex Packets” album from start to finish I would be a happy man…

Is he Shock G?

Or is he Humpty?

THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON

Shit blew my fucking mind when I was in seventh grade.

So answer all or one or none of the questions: What food utterly disgusts you and why? What movie makes you cry like a bitch? And what thing do you want to see happen before you die, and no weepy shit!

Also you can admit that you didn’t know Humpty and Shock were one of the same.